Breakup still effecting me.

[ChocIce]

Hey guy'n'girls.
Maybe you've heard all this before but I'd apreciate any advice you guys might have.

I broke up with my girlfriend (year and a half) at the beginning of this year. She had been acting really weird and nasty towards me for a while but I kinda put up with it for a few months cos I thought she was just having a bad time and it'd work out. After a lot of hassle and disruption to my home, personal and academic life, it got too much and we split.

Since then though she's been acting pretty crazy over it all. We've gone through a faked pregnancy which included false "plans" for an abortion and a faked miscarriage. Tales of her having serious illnesses, one of them terminal. She's followed me around for months. Sent letters and gone into my workplace to tell them stuff. Had her friends do the same. I've had them all harass me on my phone, spread unbelievable rumours and pretty much made my life hell. So many suicide bids I've lost count... I could go on forever...

I'm pretty messed up over it though. I mean, on one side I'm crazy about her because she was my first love I suppose. But on the other hand she has spent the last year making my life absolute hell, trying to make sure no other girl will ever touch me again. I don't know what to do.

I miss her so much, or at least the way she used to be but I know that girl is long gone. Maybe I just miss the companionship. It's all made it impossible for me to get close to other girls, I've met 3 girls since then but it never went past the initial phase because my ex made it so difficult.

Its just, my confidence is rock bottom. Only recently she was telling me how all her friends were discussing how ugly I was and what a b*****d I apparently am. I know its all lies to get at me but it still effects me. I think every girl is too good for me and can't approach and talk to them. Even if I do, I'm so worn out from it all I'm not fun like before. I used alays be in a good mood and always cracking jokes but now I feel like its an effort to try keep a conversation going, how can I ever attract someone like that? I mean, you gotta at least have something interesting or funny to say.

I know I just gotta move on with my life. I just feel a bit low. I haven't many "close" friends and I'd love to pick myself up and find a new girl who's fun to be with but I don't know where to start.

Am I being stupid?

[Zach]

Hey guy'n'girls.
Maybe you've heard all this before but I'd apreciate any advice you guys might have.

I broke up with my girlfriend (year and a half) at the beginning of this year. She had been acting really weird and nasty towards me for a while but I kinda put up with it for a few months cos I thought she was just having a bad time and it'd work out. After a lot of hassle and disruption to my home, personal and academic life, it got too much and we split.

Since then though she's been acting pretty crazy over it all. We've gone through a faked pregnancy which included false "plans" for an abortion and a faked miscarriage. Tales of her having serious illnesses, one of them terminal. She's followed me around for months. Sent letters and gone into my workplace to tell them stuff. Had her friends do the same. I've had them all harass me on my phone, spread unbelievable rumours and pretty much made my life hell. So many suicide bids I've lost count... I could go on forever...

I'm pretty messed up over it though. I mean, on one side I'm crazy about her because she was my first love I suppose. But on the other hand she has spent the last year making my life absolute hell, trying to make sure no other girl will ever touch me again. I don't know what to do.

I miss her so much, or at least the way she used to be but I know that girl is long gone. Maybe I just miss the companionship. It's all made it impossible for me to get close to other girls, I've met 3 girls since then but it never went past the initial phase because my ex made it so difficult.

Its just, my confidence is rock bottom. Only recently she was telling me how all her friends were discussing how ugly I was and what a b*****d I apparently am. I know its all lies to get at me but it still effects me. I think every girl is too good for me and can't approach and talk to them. Even if I do, I'm so worn out from it all I'm not fun like before. I used alays be in a good mood and always cracking jokes but now I feel like its an effort to try keep a conversation going, how can I ever attract someone like that? I mean, you gotta at least have something interesting or funny to say.

I know I just gotta move on with my life. I just feel a bit low. I haven't many "close" friends and I'd love to pick myself up and find a new girl who's fun to be with but I don't know where to start.

Am I being stupid?

I went through what you are going through (to a certain extent) with my first serious girlfriend. What you HAVE to do is cut contact 100%. Get her out of your life. You have to. Then go here: [URL="http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=15406"]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=15406[/URL]

[Gigabitch]

Move out of town. I am not kidding.

[ChocIce]

I know, I need to keep away from her. Thats good advice and it's what everyone says to me but its virtually impossible.

I'm in Uni, she knows my times when I'm coming and going. She's always hanging around where I live even though she's from the totally opposite side of the city. There are all these "coincident" meetings every day where she just "happens" to bump into me. She was waiting outside a lecture last week for me and lost it big time, trying to hurt herself.

I can't avoid her or her friends, I know she has them convinced I am wrong, they still seem to think I left her because of a pregnancy and I deserve everything I get but there never was a pregnancy and all the other rumours she spreads are totally untrue. Thats why they harass my phone but won't say anything to my face!?! I feel about 2 inches tall every time I see them cos I know what they are doing and saying behind my back( some really nasty stuff). Even though I did nothing wrong I still can't help feel bad that she's telling EVERYONE how bad I supposedly am. That includes her friends, my friends, she's rang up my family to say I am suicidal, shes gone to my job, told friends of friends, basically anyone she knows who can come in contact with me around here she seems to talk to. Family members have made threats against me. I've had to remove my myspace site and stuff like that cos she'd find out about plans I might have made with friends through comments made or whatever.

I don't know what to do. I feel my reputation is that of scum and nothing I do seems to be able to set people straight because she keeps on lying to cover up lie after lie. I feel just so down. I just wanna pick myself up and maybe find a new girl who's nice and would help me forget about all this but I keep feeling I can never do that. I don't know where to begin.

[Gigabitch]

Look, all you can do is keep being yourself and hope that people eventually notice that she's a bunny-boiling psycho. It's almost impossible to repair the damage to your reputation. Take it as a lesson in knowing that what other people think about you can't actually ruin your life. Yes, it feels shitty, but I assume you have friends who know the truth. I hope so.

As time goes by, even the most melodramatic of her friends is going to start to question the fact that she just won't let you go. Don't engage her. Don't support the behavior.

As far as dating goes, are you really sure you're ready? I think you'll have to get to the point where you're willing to have a relationship with someone who doesn't know much about Miss Wacky. Can you get close to someone without letting all of this stuff come hurling out?

[sazzya1987]

Hey guy'n'girls.
Maybe you've heard all this before but I'd apreciate any advice you guys might have.

I broke up with my girlfriend (year and a half) at the beginning of this year. She had been acting really weird and nasty towards me for a while but I kinda put up with it for a few months cos I thought she was just having a bad time and it'd work out. After a lot of hassle and disruption to my home, personal and academic life, it got too much and we split.

Since then though she's been acting pretty crazy over it all. We've gone through a faked pregnancy which included false "plans" for an abortion and a faked miscarriage. Tales of her having serious illnesses, one of them terminal. She's followed me around for months. Sent letters and gone into my workplace to tell them stuff. Had her friends do the same. I've had them all harass me on my phone, spread unbelievable rumours and pretty much made my life hell. So many suicide bids I've lost count... I could go on forever...

I'm pretty messed up over it though. I mean, on one side I'm crazy about her because she was my first love I suppose. But on the other hand she has spent the last year making my life absolute hell, trying to make sure no other girl will ever touch me again. I don't know what to do.

I miss her so much, or at least the way she used to be but I know that girl is long gone. Maybe I just miss the companionship. It's all made it impossible for me to get close to other girls, I've met 3 girls since then but it never went past the initial phase because my ex made it so difficult.

Its just, my confidence is rock bottom. Only recently she was telling me how all her friends were discussing how ugly I was and what a b*****d I apparently am. I know its all lies to get at me but it still effects me. I think every girl is too good for me and can't approach and talk to them. Even if I do, I'm so worn out from it all I'm not fun like before. I used alays be in a good mood and always cracking jokes but now I feel like its an effort to try keep a conversation going, how can I ever attract someone like that? I mean, you gotta at least have something interesting or funny to say.

I know I just gotta move on with my life. I just feel a bit low. I haven't many "close" friends and I'd love to pick myself up and find a new girl who's fun to be with but I don't know where to start.

Am I being stupid?

Have no connection with this girl, if she keeps buging the way she is then tell her you will go to the police. Hopefully after the threat she will stop, if not then GO to the police and hopefully they will do something about it. What this girl is doing is not good at all...

[ChocIce]

She's under the impression that I let her down big time. She is saying she had "troubles" and that it accounts for all of this. She still acts this way even though she says she has gotten "help" and is now "fixed".

I know its only for my benefit but I find it hard to take that she says I let her down so much. I only finally ended it because I felt like a doormat to her and was still treated horribly in return towards the end. I did everything with her and for her cos she really hadn't got anyone else around (friends or family) at the time, I was the only one who did stuff for her. Now she's really dragged down my reputation and my own self-esteem. It still hurts to hear her scream at me that I let her down and have all these "friends" of hers appear out of the woodwork telling me that THEY are there for her and that I apparently did some REALLY bad stuff to her, which I didn't. She keeps coming to say she's sorry but refuses to set anyone straight (or at least she tells me she does but clearly has not told anyone the truth, just wants me on her side, her cake and to eat it too it seems).

Its a two part thing?
Can I do anything to repair my own reutation?
And can I do anything to repair my own self esteem, cos its pretty low right now?

[Gigabitch]

If your self esteem is suffering from this, I can only think it's because you somehow believe that you did, indeed, let her down. The picture you've painted of her is of someone who is deeply disturbed and shouldn't be the standard by which your self-worth is measured in any way.

Is there anything you do that makes you feel really good? Could you volunteer somewhere over the holidays? Don't dismiss this idea- I volunteer and it makes me feel really good. (Zarathu, back me up, here.) You might even meet some other nice people doing it, too.

[Mathias]

If your self esteem is suffering from this, I can only think it's because you somehow believe that you did, indeed, let her down. The picture you've painted of her is of someone who is deeply disturbed and shouldn't be the standard by which your self-worth is measured in any way.

Is there anything you do that makes you feel really good? Could you volunteer somewhere over the holidays? Don't dismiss this idea- I volunteer and it makes me feel really good. (Zarathu, back me up, here.) You might even meet some other nice people doing it, too.

I can back you up. Do it.

[SONOIL]

Move out of town. I am not kidding.

Wow nice SIG Giga... Made it yourself? Anyways, my ex was really ****in' with my brains also. U do have to cut contact with her 100% and I'm telling u.... believe me, cuz i'm going thru simular thing myself now.... u will be much better in another 5 months. I used to miss her too, but realize...how and what are u gonna do with girl like this should you ever get back together??!! what are u two have incoming??...100% NO CONTACT and you'll be fine. Most of the people that come to this forum are in very same situation, and thats why we all come here, to help each other and pour our hearts out... and it helps a lot. just hang in there, u will be all right!! That bitch didn't deserve you...