confused about a guy.. or two

[Camya]

I'm a 19 year old girl who recently got involved with a 7 year older guy. We live in the same block, go to the same class in university, and stopped for a quick chat from time to time when we passed. One of these times he casually said that if I had nothing else to do, I could just knock on his door and we could watch a movie or something. I did, and we had a pleasant time, and I went back to my apartment thinking it would be nice to do it again. A week after not seeing him at all I paid another visit, and somehow ended up cuddling on the couch. If I hadn't stopped it, we'd have had sex right there. As it was, we just spent the whole night and whole next day in bed, touching and talking. Not even a week after that we've had sex, made dinner at his home with candles and music, gone out to twice, plus he's followed me around at the shopping mall to pick out a new outfit. It was actually his suggestion and he seemed to have fun picking out things he liked and have me try them on. After 2 hours I asked him if he was getting tired and he said no, he was looking forward to see me in the clothes when we got home.

Sounds just about perfect, doesn't it? I must be crazy to have doubts...

One of my problems is that I'm taking things at face value. I had no romantic notions when I went over to watch movies with him - he's a very direct, open and friendly guy, and seems to get along with alot of the people in class. I, on the other hand, have had alot of issues with self-confidence in the past years. Making a long story short, I have troubles opening up, but when I feel someone likes me or wants me it's difficult for me to put limits because I'm starved for intimacy. Looking back, I almost wish I'd run out of there as soon as I felt he was making a move... because, for me, this is going way, way too fast. I don't know if I'm throwing away one of the few good things that's happened in my life by thinking like this. And I can't help but wondering, why does he want to be with me?

He says he's tired of being alone, that he hasn't had sex in 5 years because he's waited for the right girl, that he hopes this is the start of something, asking me how old I think I would be before starting to think about children. We've talked about feelings, dreams, the past, the future, and he's even begun looking at apartments, seriously considering whether we should move in together - "say, if we rent this one, we need a bicycle because it's too far to walk to school".

Sure, it's something appealing with the idea. He makes me talk, seem genuinely interested in what I have to say, put alot of weight on good communication, and says he's in love with me. But we're completely different in personality, though we have alot of interests and views in common. He's impulsive and extrovert, I'm the opposite. I'm used to daydream and need silence and space from time to time, but if I do it around him he always asks what I'm thinking, feeling, seeing. I'm not sure how to cope with that.

It's all happening so fast. I know I need to meet him halfway and not hold back all the time. But how do I convey to him that I need time to progress everything, and slow this down, without pushing him away?

Also, I can't say if I'm in love. I enjoy being with him... but if you asked me two weeks ago, he's not someone I'd imagine I'd end up with. I have a guy friend whom I've known for two months or so - he's also in my class. He's the kind of type I'd picture myself with - shy, nice, loves quiet activities like reading and listening to music; a person whom I feel I'm more "in sync" with. It's also easy not to say anything when I'm with him since neither of us are very comfortable with small-talk. Perhaps if things had been allowed to develope for a year... who knows? We're still friends, but I keep thinking whether it could have been more. I’m so confused.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, my God! This is the Lightspeed relationship! Girl, I'd be reeling, too. He should know better than to go so fast. He's liable to freak you out and drive you away.

This is not because of any fault of yours, any lack of ability to open up. He's acting completely insane, and the fact that he didn't have sex for five years and is now ready to move in with you after a couple of weeks indicates some very poor judgment on his part.

Sure, maybe you're perfect for him. Maybe you're the girl he's been waiting for all his life. Maybe he should get to know you first before discussing having kids, though.

You have to make him put the brakes on. Make it sweet- tell him you can see spending the rest of your life with him and you don't need to go 300 miles an hour.

[misombra]

He's too old for you.