Need Advise Badly

[DWILL08]

So I screwed up badly. I have been with my girl for about 3 years, we live together have a child together and I genuinly love her. However the past year and a half hasnt been to great, she has felt as though we are disconnected and im not there to listen to her. I work 2 jobs so Im rarely home. About a year ago I had a close relationship with a girl at work. We exchanged dirty notes and kissed once we talked alot and got on real well. However we did not have sex or even go out for that matter. About 2 weeks ago I came clean with the fact that this had happened (she had thought it all along) I told her the truth about it but in increments....she still doesnt believe me that Im telling the truth and thinks that our whole relationship was, has been a lie. She wants to leave me and I cant bear the thought of this happening. The affair(so to speak)has been over for 6 months or so but the damage has been done. She says that she can never trust me again and has nothing to build on. I want all of this to be behind us and for us to move on.....she doesnt think that she can move on because of the fact that i lied wasnt there for her and was there for someone else instead. I love her more than life itself and dont want to break up my family.....what can I do????

[vashti]

Offer to go to counseling with her. I don't know what else can be done, other than to find another job if the other woman still works there.

[DWILL08]

We Have Allready Agreed To Counciling, And She Still Does Work There I Dont Talk To Her At All Anymore It Cant Be Any Other Way

[DWILL08]

Its Not The Cheating Part That Upset Her Its The Time Of Not Being Connected And Me Lying.

[vashti]

Trust me; it's all those things. If you refuse to look for another job, I guess you don't have anything more to offer her, and the ball is in her court now.

[DWILL08]

Ive Offered To Get Another Job, She Doesnt Think Its The Answer

[vashti]

How motivated is SHE to keep your family together? I mean, does she need you, or can she get by on her own? Will her family help her if she wants to leave you? Because it doesn't sound like she has much use for you right now, which makes me suspect there is more to this story.

[DWILL08]

Well Basically She Feels As Though I Have Never Been There For Her Never Loved Her, Etc. When She Needed My Emotional Support, I Was Giving To Someone Else, She Feels As Though I Dont Love Her, She Doesnt Work She Stays At Home And Takes Care Of The Little One. So Finacially I Take Care Of It All Plus Her Other Son Whos Dad Pays 0 Child Support. Her Family Would Help Her Out Im Sure But She Doesnt Even Have A Hs Diploma

[DWILL08]

Shes Known For About 2 Weeks And One Day Its Good And Things Seem To Be Heading In The Right Direction The Next Day Shes Mad And Upset Again

[DWILL08]

I Love Her So Much And Hate Myself For What Ive Done I Want Her Back More Than Anything

[bluesummer]

If she has agreed to counselling, then you need to just go and work on this slowly.

Realistically, you have really betrayed her trust. Do you expect her to just forgive you and forget? No. Trust is a very hard thing to get back. You need to do everything in your power to prove to her you are trustworthy.....and I hope you're up to the task, because this is going to take a VERY long time and a lot of effort on your part.

[DWILL08]

We Have Agreed To Both Go To Counsiling Seperatly Before We Go Together......this Is Thae Hardest Thing In The World For Me....i Feel So Aweful That I Did This To Her And Ignored Her Cries, Iim Willing To Do Whatever It Takes

[Mish]

I agree with Vash and Blue. How motivated is she to keep the family together and make life easier for the child? And trust is easy to loose and hard to get back. You will have a lot of work cut out for you to convince her that she can trust you again. However, on your side you did come clean with her when you could've kept this a secret.

My advice to you is be understanding and accepting of her. Understand and accept her decisions. Let her spend some time thinking about them and potential consequances. Show your support. Show how you have changed and aren't the kind of person who will betray her trust again. It won't be easy, but little by little there is hope that you can get that trust back. It's been known to happen even after more serious issues.