What can I do when I dont want to forget him?

[nightshades~]

Ok two months and a half has pasted since we broke up...we broke up because there was million problem because he did mistakes , I did mistakes and he lied to me about things and I lied and things were a complete wreck..I left but then two weeks later I told him I want to fix things he said he is nothing but someone who is hurting me ..he says he love me and he cries and he misses me alot but he is too stubborn now he doesnt want this relationship at all..he says he rather hurt me now than hurt me forever (since its online relationship)..

We've been together for four years and a half..

But what if I dont want to move on? I mean seriously...I just cant stop crying and it hurt as hell..I dont wanna cry I dont do it on purpose...I just wake up feel good and then the next day I feel worse than the day before and its hard to breathe..

I dont want anyone in my life...my family my friends, everyone noticed that I'm suddenly a very silent person...I just dont wanna talk to anyone..

I've built my whole life around him and now I just cant feel life and honestly I dont wanna feel it..I dont feel happy..

I fake happiness, I fake everything...but just is it ok to be alone forever? I mean just maybe we wont be together..but I decided to live alone because I keep blaming myself..

If I did better, if I was more understanding, if I didnt get angry at him he wouldnt leave

I dont want to forget him, I dont want to have a happy life without him, I'm fine now I can go to work and I can laugh with family and talk with friends but when I go to bed I want to cry..and when I'm alone I just want to close to myself and I dont think I will ever recover ..

just please advice me what to do..I'm tired

[Petit Papillon]

Aha so You don't want to forget about him and You ask what to do?
First, start to want it. But really want it. Because all the changes that are going to happen start there in Your mind. And then, if You will want it enough then it will happen very quick.
Leave the past in the past. Before You start to do anything 'practical' You REALLY need to start the changes in Your mind. Don't ask for more. Just do it! You have to realize that it's the best for everybody , that it wouldn't work out anyway. That he's no good for You. That You deserve better! Think intensive. Think You don't need that crap, You want better. You are better.

[cmacattack1]

You built your life around an online relationship?

[nightshades~]

dont downgrade of my relationship because its online. because it was something very beautiful and we did love each other..

also thanks Papillon , your words does really help

[Petit Papillon]

So if it's online relationship it should be even easier to start everything new. First of all, go out and try to meet people in Real life.You will quickly see that it's much better than crying over someone from the internet. If You want to cry over somebody ,let it be someone who really deserves it.

[cmacattack1]

I wasn't downplaying it, I was just trying to get a better understanding. You are obviously pretty defensive of this fact....

I understand you want a quick end to the pain, that's what we all want after a break up. Some of us jump right into another relationship, or drink heavily, etc. etc. There is nothing that will make things better one hundred percent. Even getting back together at this particular moment. It's broken and it needs fixing. Only time can heal it.

Not to pry, but what were the mistakes and lies about? It can help to get a better understanding of how this peaked and is hitting that valley you are at now.