90% sure I'm being dumped but she refuses to level with me.

[THX]

I met a girl a short while back and we hit it off AMAZINGLY. Whenever we got togather we had a great time and on each other like white on rice.

I decided to throw a BBQ because my girl said she wanted to have one (at my friends house). I make the arrangements and she is ready to go. Then she texts me telling me her friend has a birthday coming up that she forgot about. I know for a fact what she was saying was legit<-{Now here is where things turn}. I don't like being the type of guy who wont let his girl have a social life or a girls night out. So I text her that she should go and have fun. I couldn't accompny her because I had already billed the BBQ for so many other people.

Two days later I see a picture of her on facebook posing with a guy that she didn't post herself but was "tagged' in. I thought nothing of it as my girl is a very social person. then I see the following comments below the picture.

Friend 1. "WTF???"
Friend 2. "I don't even know dude. I don't even know."
My girl . "Shhhhhh"

I thought maybe it was a joke. I mean why would she write that if she knew I could see her page. Probably no big deal...Right? Then I see that she took the picture and its comments off her page. In addition the friend who sent the pic "un-tagged" it. Now I knew there was either something to hide or she didn't want me to misunderstand their joke. I mean if she met another guy and wanted to be with him why bother to hide it? Just helps get me out of the picture. She also became friends with the guy from the picture the day after the picture was taken.

Now her behavior has completely flipped. Never texting unless I ask her a question first. She told me she couldn't go out this past weekend because she was tired from work.

I saw that she was on facebook tonight and I messaged her. no response for over 40 minutes. Then I call her and she doesn't pick up her phone so I leave a message. 1 minute after I call she responds to me ON THE FACEBOOK CHAT WINDOW. I'm now almost certain I'm out the door so I ask questions that will reveal whether I am being paranoid or not. Here is the interaction below.

Me:Wazzzup?? What are you up to on Cinco De Mayo?

Her:uh... dont really know yet

Me:I thought we could meet up at (Name of place)

Her:ahh thats where u r going..

Me:It's just an idea.Just chilling somewhere having fun=) I'm open to other places too

Her:sooo how u been?

Me:Good. Got more stuff done in the last 7 days than most months....How have you been. Anything new?

Her:beeenn goood nothing neww...

Me:So do you want to chill on May 5? I can pick you up

Her:well i don tknow if i work yet tho...:S

Me:When will you know so I can make other plans if necissary?

Her:well if u need to kno now go ahead and make em cuz i dnt wanna keep u waiting cuz i really dont know,

its cool

Me:Nope. just need to know by Wednesday morning. Just call me with whatever decision you come to.=)

Her:k ,, gotta go now. take care

It seems to me that she isn't going to be a man (read woman) and tell me what is up and that she has found another guy. She is just going to continue to not call, text or go with me anywhere until I , "Get the picture and either confront her or just leave." She's forcing ME to be the bad guy. I can't prove that she is seeing someone else.So If I call her on it she can say I don't trust her and that I'm a nut and because of ME being those things maybe I should just go. I get to be the bad guy. If I take the other path and just get the point and walk away dignafied she can say that I was the one who stopped calling her. Once again the fault is transfered to me.

This guy looks like a male model. He looks like he has alot of charisma a large social group and money. I get it. He's a better catch.

I want to move on. That 10% that I might be wrong is keeping me from saying, "Look. I'm not stupid. I know what's going on. I can't believe you lack the decency to let me know I was good to you but you found someone you like more. The respect to send me off with truth rather than close me off with a cold shoulder and lies."

[sehvral]

Meh, why even bother with a confrontation? Just stop texting/calling her. If she's still interested, she'll start to wonder why she hasn't heard from you. Make your plans for Cinco, go out, have a good time without her. There doesn't have to be a "bad guy" in a breakup, especially when you haven't been dating for very long.

That being said, whether the other guy looks like a wealthy model only matters if your girl is shallow, in which case you're probably better off without her.

Of course, I'd dump anyone who started a conversation with "Wazzzup", even if said in jest

[Mastrchang]

Women are pretty much capable of anything. Try being with someone for 4yrs+ on the verge of marriage, have a kid with them and then go through what you just went through. It sucks, but when you become the bad guy there isn't a whole lot you can do. Just cut your losses and move on. *also advice to myself*

[cmacattack1]

This doesn't mean you are lacking in self worth and don't try and compare yourself to this other guy. If anything happened, I'm sure she undoubtedly feels bad about it and doesn't know how to communicate it and approach you with it. Maybe she will end up telling you, maybe she will act like nothing happened and hoping the problem will go away. She's only going to tell you what she wants to tell you so it's not positive than confronting her will get you any more answers. I think you are really reading into this more because you are paranoid and it's going to become worse if you keep chasing after her. If she's not acting like she is interested and giving you the run around, just back away.

From your interaction with her, it doesn't really sound like you guys are dating. If you were, it doesn't seem like it was a long time. Your facebook chat just seemed like something friends would say to each other.

[THX]

I would like to thank, sehvral, Masterchang and cmacattack1 for your responses. For you it perhaps doesn't seem like much but the day I started this thread I was destroyed. Felt totally alone in the world. I was frantically searching the net for a forum where I could get this off my chest and hear some feed back. I felt like the world was over and just hearing a calm outside view of my situation reminded me the world was not over. It was just the head space I was in.

Also seeing so many other people who are going thru this same type of thing right now made me feel not alone.

As far as an update the call from her never came so the 90% is now 100. I always believe if your going to ask for someones advice then you should take the advice you had sought. This means I will not do a confrontation and stop calling.

There's definetly silver lining in this for me. 1) At least I was only dating her for a little over 2 months. Not much life time wasted and although my attachment was strong it's nothing compared to almost every other person on this broken hearts category. I didn't have to endure the hardest storm. 2) Ive never been dumped before and in the past I would give people advice who got dumped. I now see I lacked the sensativity to be a good friend because I didn't understand the mind set this type of thing puts you in. Now I feel I can relate in the future when such things come up and perhaps better aid in counsling friends.

[Jas_mine]

Technically you weren't actually directly dumped! It is quite cowardly on her part, you did deserve to be told straight up but sometimes people prefer to just disappear than start any confrontation and openly hurt feelings - they hope that being distant will help get the message across. Am glad that you are one of those that are ready and willing to accept this rather than still question her actions and feel that there is hope left. Good on you for not wasting any more time on her!

[THX]

I just realised something that's AMAZING that I wanted to share with others who are going thru a break up. It's like blind faith with a reward at the end. It's difficult to do when you want answers and resoloution but it's worth it IMHO. A break up can be difficult in two ways (as I'm framing it here). 1.) Your actual love for the person and feeling of loss of that persons love/company. 2.) Your desire to perserve/re-create an image that lost love will want to come back to.

Two is kind of like a PR effort to manipulate that it is a bad decision to break up with you (OR) In retrospect they will realise that you were a catch.

As soon as I knew the fat lady was singing I immediately went into protecting my image. First what did I do wrong? If knowing this information isn't going to get you the person back why is this information important? For me it wasn't so important what I had done wrong as it was for me to find out what I didn't do wrong. I had dozens of theoretical possabilities and doing some process of elemination (with her ernest inventory) would mean less ghosts to sleep with for me.

Another reason I wanted to confront is to not project a weak exit. "If I don't lay down some law she might deduct manliness and substatute timidness."

I adhered to sevrals advice and didn't confront but more PR thoughts came to me a few days later while sadly wiping down my car missing my ex. This time I thought about the ,"High road. I'm above this and moving on manipulation." I was thinking about calling her machine and leaving a message somewhere along the lines of, "Hey (her name). Listen I just want to say I really enjoyed my time with you. Something has changed on your end and frankly it's none of my business. Thanks for all the adventures. Especially circle of death. That was my favorite. Wish you the best." I imagined her friends hearing about my sincere yet unattached delivery and think, "Wow this guy is on a whole other level. He's moving on like a champ and not taking any cheap shots on the way out. Man is (________) making a big mistake letting this one go!"

At the end of the day I just stuck with no texting or calling and I'M SOOOOOOOOOO glad I did.

If you don't manipulate while drowning in a sea of sadness,as the waters recede into ( proactive) time, a monument is uncovered . Your digity. I'm so glad I didn't pawn my digity off for a fix of information or a PR campaigne. It's not important that anyone else know it. They wouldn't understand it anyway. It feels clean. Closure that is not sought out. Closure not marred by maipulation.

[soulsurvivor23]

I pawned my own dignity by making every mistake in the book. Texting I love you frequently, waiting for her calls, even messaging the other guy on facebook out of desperation... And even though I don't know you, I can say i'm proud that you did none of the same. It's a shameful way to go, and one that should always be avoided. As you are doing, say nothing. If she wants you, she will come back. If she doesn't, then you will find someone even better.