Falling in love with professor?

[IndiReloaded]

This is clearly an absurd statement. My testicles are completely intact, and have never been removed; certainly not by anyone's teeth. I insist that I'm the better candidate for PMing if you're in need of an inherently superior individual in possession of perfectly spherical testicles that will gush all over Vashti's face.

It is, you're right. Your testicles are so big it should be obvious to anyone without having to PM them. But don't you find those guys who hover around collecting your semen a bit annoying on occasion?

That thing with Vashti... do you clean her pool clockwise or anti?

[CAM]

[url]http://music.yahoo.com/go-gos/videos/view/our-lips-are-sealed--36512430[/url]

Remember, there is a power difference. She's got the power and you don't. It isn't real love if it isn't really equal. When you are done being her student, then there might be a more equal relationship that is possible. If she's smart and sensitive, then she will always be aware of this issue and she will be sure that she learns how to relinquish, to share power and to remove unwanted barriers to equality between the two of you.

Maybe you are in love with the idea of someone who unattainable? Think it through and be prepared for what might happen.

[IndiReloaded]

I doubt this was even a real poster. But great point on the power difference, C. This is the reason why teachers, doctors, bosses etc shouldn't date their students, patients or employees.

If one must, then end the professional relationship first. Its just too risky, especially for the professional involved. Remember: if its really love, it can wait until after the final exam.

[url]http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=74041[/url]

[miffy]

Damn, I missed the catfight :o

Anyway, I think it's funny that Indi thinks he can just bottle it up and wait it out for years. He may get over it, but he may just always have a crush on her and have phantasies because he's never put in his place, or finds out for himself. Yeah, prof - student is always awkward. As it stands, it's awkward for him now. And if all else failed, he could always switch profs.

OP: you'll either get over it and meet someone else who can play "teacher" for you privately, or you suck it up and ask her out. If you're too bothered about rumours and being embarassed, you're probably not worth her time because you lack the confidence.

[excellency]

First of all I think everybody misunderstood how I told probably because of me.. I never said I will be embarassed because of turned down.. I'm 28 years old this one is my second university I haven't been rejected since high school but still my fear not about that at all.. I don't care being rejected not at all. I just don't want her to be spoken about or in gossips in the university because of that.. I don't mind spoken about too, just I don't want her to be hurt in anyway because of something I've done. Besides I used the term falling in love specially rather than crush on.. Of course until I go out with her and know her more besides the university that can't be true I just did it to fire the subject up.. It may didn't work out sorry..
Actually I've made mistake with asking this because every event has their own differences.. You may have experienced that before but the age difference was the same? Just being my professor would make her out of my league?

[searock]

So you are friends with her besides your student-professor relationship?

[thiudiskr]

At many unis, professors are sworn to a policy which defines appropriate and inappropriate contact with students, staff, and faculty. Under most circumstances, dating students is forbidden and a professor would risk his reputation and position at the uni by doing so. Wakeup is describing a highly unlikely circumstance. Don't waste your time on this.

[Wakeup]

At many unis, professors are sworn to a policy which defines appropriate and inappropriate contact with students, staff, and faculty. Under most circumstances, dating students is forbidden and a professor would risk his reputation and position at the uni by doing so. Wakeup is describing a highly unlikely circumstance. Don't waste your time on this.

Read it again, thiudiskr.

I'm not describing any circumstance I was simply telling him to not be intimidated by "leagues" or be "embarassed" by rejection which he's come back in and clarified that he is not afraid or intimidated by either of those things (good on you, op.) In fact, I suggested way back (after Searock originally did) that he do any asking of his prof out AFTER exams and she's no longer his professor.

If he's going to ask her out and he's concerned about her going against policy (which he's clarified in his second post) then wait until after she's no longer "in a position of power" to do the asking. We're talking about a grown man and a grown woman here by the way.. Not a grown woman and an underage boy.

I'm against telling people that there are 'leagues' and they'll just embarass themselves. . . Ugh!

[thiudiskr]

Read it again, thiudiskr.

I'm not describing any circumstance I was simply telling him to not be intimidated by "leagues" or be "embarassed" by rejection which he's come back in and clarified that he is not afraid or intimidated by either of those things (good on you, op.) In fact, I suggested way back (after Searock originally did) that he do any asking of his prof out AFTER exams and she's no longer his professor.

If he's going to ask her out and he's concerned about her going against policy (which he's clarified in his second post) then wait until after she's no longer "in a position of power" to do the asking. We're talking about a grown man and a grown woman here by the way.. Not a grown woman and an underage boy.

I'm against telling people that there are 'leagues' and they'll just embarass themselves. . . Ugh!

I think you need to read my post again, because I did not say anything about leagues. It sounds like you also misunderstood what Cam meant by position of power.

Frankly, it does not matter if the student is 28 or 48; professors are forbidden from getting romantically involved with students. I would expect an older, non-traditional student to understand and respect that. I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree, now. :-)

[Wakeup]

I think you need to read my post again, because I did not say anything about leagues. It sounds like you also misunderstood what Cam meant by position of power.

Frankly, it does not matter if the student is 28 or 48; professors are forbidden from getting romantically involved with students. I would expect an older, non-traditional student to understand and respect that. I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree, now. :-)

I understood your post. I was explaining to you that my point was about not worrying about league and being embarassed in general and that if you notice I did recommend that Op not ask out his prof until after exams. If he got the confidence to do so.

I also understood cams 'position of power' post and actually gave him rep for stating his point without predjudice about people being out of op's league. I know you didn't mention anything about leagues.. I asked you to reread my posts so that you'd see that I wasn't desribing any circumstances as you suggested.

The only circumstance that i did indeed mention was my knowledge of a professor marrying a student. Indi also knows of a prof. who married a student so it may not be as "forbidden" as you think it is. That being said.. I'll note it again. I am not telling op to ask his prof out while she's his prof.


I think the disconnect here is that I was posting about confidence and not being dissuaded by people who call others "out of their league" and that opinion was based on OP's first post and my disagreement with Indireloaded's "Prof marry their own kind" and "You'll only be embarassed." Which I think (and still do) is rubbish... the fact that he'll be embarassed and that "prof tend to marry their own" that is.

[haxan]

I'm not sure what the actual intent of the statement was regarding leagues Wakeup, to me that's just a matter of personal preference. That being said, people within particular professions do tend to end up socializing and finding intimacy within those same circles. Maybe that's what she was referring to.

There are plenty of exceptions. I for one never cared to socialize or date within the proximity of my profession, simply because I don't like the 'shop talk', for lack of a better term. For me, it was always interesting and refreshing to be around someone who was a professional, but from a completely different realm.

[IndiReloaded]

I suppose its also entirely appropriate that patients ask their doctors out? Or clients who falls for their shrink? Just to 'get over their fear'. LOL!

This is not some pop-psych garbage about 'getting over fear of asking someone out'--its about discouraging inappropriate relationships in a professional setting.

Thank you to CAM and Thiudiskr for your *informed* comments about the power imbalance and rules against dating a student. To add to your points: If a student asks out his/her instructor, they will both likely be embarrassed (I certainly was) b/c they will have no reasonable option but to turn him/her down. Its the inevitable outcome (assuming someone acts professionally), so best for both parties if he just doesn't go there.

Can feelings happen? Sure. But its what I said already: if its really love (doubt it, how could it be? they aren't even dating), it can wait until after the final exam.

[IndiReloaded]

That being said, people within particular professions do tend to end up socializing and finding intimacy within those same circles. Maybe that's what she was referring to.

Exactly. Case in point: I'm married to someone in the same profession. There's plenty of data supporting this, btw. I even posted a reference about this in another thread. Docs marry other docs.

I never used the term 'league', btw. That's someone else's insecurity being expressed.

Indi also knows of a prof. who married a student so it may not be as "forbidden" as you think it is.

StillAsleep: don't assume anything about what I post, your understanding is incomplete at best. It was a graduate student. Quite different from an undergrad and I'm sure you don't appreciate the difference. Still, it was frowned upon, and so they kept it quite hush-hush until she graduated. The fact he had tenure helped. The prof in this case sounds young (i.e. likely no tenure), so that's another issue you and this young man haven't considered.

[thiudiskr]

I'm married to someone in the same profession.

I made a thread about this. You should post in it. ;-)

[misombra]

If you ask her out she's going to talk about you to others. She'll add you to the list of all the other foolish students who asked her out in the past.

To top it off, she'll say no. If she does say yes she could be fired.