From the Asshole to the man Whos lost...

[anthonystewart1]

Hello everyone,
my name is Anthony, and the reason I'm here is because most of my friends and family are tired of hearing my story. I just want to share so that maybe I can get answers or so that someone can avoid being in my place. So here goes... I was with an amazing woman, we met 14 Feb 2009, I was out at a club with some friends and we got a hotel afterwards. once we got back to the hotel I went outside to have a cigarette and my best friend was also outside on the phone talking to a girl he liked (Now his wife) and she had to use the bathroom so she gave the phone to her friend, and my best friend said we should talk, so we did. when his lady got back I traded numbers with the girl I was talking to and went inside and called her. we where up until 5 am talking. That's where it began... I'm in the army so I couldn't go to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA right away so we spent countless hours on the phone everyday. Finally after three months of this I had a four day and my friend was also going home, so I decided to go see her. I told her I would sweep her off her feet and give her a huge kiss. I wish I had... I got to her apartment and when I walked around the corner with my bags I seen the woman who would both change my life and lead me to be posting here today. I didn't sweep her off her feet. Just gave her a kiss and we went inside. For three and a half years we where together. which is surprising because of how much shit we went through. I had a serious problem with flirting with online girls. she had slept with her ex once early on and didn't tell me about it until 6 months after. We both had also kissed other people during times that we where struggling. I was always sorry for my actions but she always justified hers. Finally, I moved further away to a new base, and we hadn't seen each other for awhile but she was already planning on coming out to see me may 2012. We had a fight and broke up for two weeks in which I had started seeing someone else. it wasn't serious but it was physical, and I told her all I had done was kiss the girl when that wasn't true, I had a big problem with lying back then. She called me and begged for me back, so because I loved her, I left the other girl and came back. Then one night a friend of mine called me. she was going through a divorce and claimed her husband had hit her and she had nowhere to go. this girl little did I know was a complete liar and really slutty. so I offered her a place to stay. it was almost midnight when she arrived and I told her to take the bed while I went and slept on the couch, she stood in my bedroom doorway for about 20 mins and insisted I stay in the bed. I was tired so I quit arguing and against my better judgment I got into bed turned out the lights and started to fall asleep. I woke up to her pulling off my clothes and playing with me, and being a stupid man, I proceeded to have sex with her... the next morning I felt so guilty I asked her not to tell anyone because I knew it would be the doom of my relationship. it was wrong I know but I didn't want to lose my girlfriend. of course she talked and of course my ex found out. she left me and that's when life changed for me. First the online flirting was gone. I tried so hard to get her back, and even got to the point I attempted to commit suicide and was committed into an army mental health hospital for 5 days. I keep trying to get her back. my life has truly changed since then. ive found that losing her made me fall even more in love with her and appreciate all she did for me. she saved me, I was not a good person before and though im not completely better, ive come a long long way down the road towards that. she recently broke up with another guy, who also did not treat her well. he used the fact she is still hurting from me to hurt her. and I am ashamed that I hurt her in the first place because if I had just done the right thing and been a good man, she would be with me and still be happy. I have been unable to date since her and I where together. ive had sex once since we broke up. its been almost a year. and the sex was meaningless and I stopped it about a min after it began and actually started an conversation talking about my ex that lasted long into the night. that girl was very understanding and nice about it and I felt terrible that it had gotten that far when I should have never let it happen. anyways my ex reached out to me after her recent breakup asking for a friend, I was very happy to just message her on facebook because im deployed. but after a couple days of nice simple chatting, I started talking about how much I love her and how I need her in my life again. it was stupid I know but I have always been a man who lets his heart guide him. she got angry and told me we cannot be friends and to move on and leave her alone. I tried to apologize and told her I wanted to be her friend because having her in my life as a friend would be better then not having her in my life at all. but she wanted nothing to do with it. so now im doing my best not to message her. its hard but I don't want her angry with me anymore... losing her has really changed everything about me, I don't even know how I feel about moving home because I had planned to go to her home town and be with her. so thanks for reading my story and if you have some advice or anything I really appreciate others imput. my friends all tell me theres plenty of fish in the sea but I don't want to hear that anymore. thanks everyone and I look forward to reading peoples responses.

[smackie9]

I agree with your friends it is time for you to move on. She wants nothing to do with you, she has moved on and you should respect that. There is a reason for your troubles....your lack of self control, and have an impulsive personality, I suggest you seek out a therapist to start to sort yourself out. There is no way you will be able to resume this relationship....you need to accept it's completely over. She's done with you.

[IndiReloaded]

I couldn't even understand his post. Smackie - what's the scoop?

[HeartIsAching]

He's an insecure serial cheater who's lost an insecure serial cheater and he misses her.

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds to me the Law of Karma applies. Carry on.

[Guybrush]

Looks like you need a bit of three P's:

Punctuation, Paragraphs and a (good) Psychiatrist.