Its like a cancer eating me away...

[RiyadMaruf]

(Sorry for the weird spacing, i copied and pasted from MS Word)

I want to start off by saying, I come from an Asian culture

where arranged marriage is king, marrying a wife who is a virgin

has been built into my mindset since I was young, I believed sex

before marriage was a grave sin...so please, before you say

"girls these days have sex all the time"...please understand, in

my culture (islam)...there are a LOT more virgin girls who save

themselves for marriage...

I met this girl. She wears a head scarf, burka (covering whole

body), prayed, family oriented and pretty much everything I ever

wanted in a wife. Before I met her I thought my parents would

find a wife for me from abroad (our home country) who would

obviously be a virgin/no past history with boys.

So I got to know this girl...and we fell for each other HARD. Im

not talking sexual attraction (but it was obviously there)...im

talking emotionally, mentally, we were instantly close friends

and felt so close.

A month into the relationship...when I was already DEEPLY in

love to the point where i almost couldnt turn back...we was in

my house...in my bed messing around...and she told me to "put it

in" if you know what I mean. I was taken back a bit, because

since day one I thought she was the type of girl who would save

herself until she was married to me. I was tempted, but I said

to her no I wouldn't do that to you, I respect you too much,

I'll wait til after we're married...

But...there was this little ****er at the back of my head...who

kept whispering...is she a virgin?...surely...she had a

boyfriend before me for a few years...but the ora she gave off,

the way she was and how she acted, I never once thought she

would of had sex with him...but i couldnt help but ask her...the

reply killed me...she said she had. I asked how many times...she

didn't give a clear answer, but I know it was a lot. I felt

heartbroken...I thought I had gone out and found MYSELF a

perfect wife without my parents help, and it turns out she had

already been entered by a man several times.

I didn't know what I wanted to do the next few days/weeks. There

was a part of me that wanted to **** her brains out and make her

forget about anything she done with her ex...my ego was flaring

up...my pride hanging dangerously low...and the fact that it was

right THERE, the opportunity to have sex with such a beautiful

girl...it was too much...

Then came the day when we actually had sex. Its been 2 months

since then, and we have had sex about 6-7 times. Let me be the

first to say...im not a dumb ****, I KNOW my stuff...i would

KNOW if a girl just wanted me for sex...but this girl GENUINELY

loves me. Introduced me to family, friends, does things for me a

wife wouldnt do for her husband, so caring, so

loving...but...she's so horny...I know she loves sex...

Im a virgin, i didn't know **** in bed. She was teaching me

positions and stuff, each time in my head im thinking "she done

this with her ex, she done this one with her ex as well"...when

she's giving me oral, shes so good, im thinking she must of

sucked him so many times...when she said "lets do 69" im

thinking ****ing hell...i hope you guys get what im saying, I

wanted a virgin, fresh, untouched, wanted to go through all

those experiences the first time with my wife, but shes pulling

all these things out the bag making me realise she has had sex

so many times in the past...

She tells me to **** her harder, faster...she tells me to stick

my penis inbetween her breasts and **** her...and what kills is

she acts like everything shes doing/saying is new to her..."oh

lets try this, think it would be fun"...but its so obvious shes

done all this with her ex. Phone sex aswell...i have **** all to say shes going on and on, its obvious shes done this before...talking about ill let you *** in my mouth/face...The last straw was when she said

"imagine sticking it in my ***...i can imagine that it would

hurt omg but lets try it?"...come ON what girl who has never

tried anal would suggest **** me in the ***? Shes a **** fiend man...

These thoughts are eating me away like a cancer. I dont even know why im posting this here...ive wanted to talk to a friend but i just cant...i dont want them to think my girls a **** fiend...that shes had sex...im from a culture where its look down upon...

Had to post it here...let someone here it..

[michelle23]

I dont think ur feelings on this subject will change. Can u still marry her with how you feel? And if u try to find a virgin will she be upset that your not?

[HeartIsAching]

Get over yourself.

So she's not a virgin - so what? Are you really that insecure? It's not the cherry that counts, it's the box it came in. She wants to give it to YOU. Sex is fun. Sex is good. Sex is just... sex. My wife had two kids with another man before I ever entered her... and the sex with her is phenomenal. Do I worry that she wants to still have sex with her ex? Hell no. I make her scream like no man ever has.

So she suggested anal sex... so what? It's just another hole, just a variation. First woman that ever suggested that to me was my (ex) wife - and she'd never tried it. Turned out she didn't like it, though that may have been my inexperience.

It's only perverted the first time, LOL.

[michelle23]

Im wondering could she have learned all that stuff from porn and not her ex? Maybe she thinks it turns u on..

[toknow]

I completely disagree with heartisaching. You simply can not ignore your principles. Your principles make you who you are, and you can not discount them. You don't have to be from a specific culture to understand that the more you love someone, the more you will care if they are clean and have principles, too.