Threesome related Advice

[Bala81]

Hello everyone!,

I've just joined the forum, have been looking for a good forum for some advice and this one caught my eye, glad to be here.

So ill, get straight to the point and ill try to make this as short as i can.
First ill give a bit of Background and lower down ill post my Questions.
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-So,
Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 5 years now, we have a wonderful relationship, and things, to us at least, could not be better. Of all the things we do and time we spend together, one of those things is sex, like many healthy couples.

We are both very open with each other about, our sexual fantasies and, we tend to get a bit um... kinky? now I don't know if that's a polite word around here? (If not I apologize, please feel free to censor) but the point is were very comfortable around each other, sharing everything among us.

Our sex is amazing, we try different things, keep things fresh and healthy, we are very open to toys, role playing and all kinds of stuff and we like to experiment all the time to "Spice things up" like many people say.

And we both enjoy it and we love it. Every once in a while, we get back to the very old school love making, no toys or anything involved, just rose petals and what not...yes i know that might come of a bit corny to some lol.



Anyway so, our relationship in general is great.
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-Recently,
the subject of fantasies came up once again and we talked very openly about things...and the subject of threesomes, was brought up by her, and so, of course we talked about it very maturely and responsibly, and everything was fine. However, we didn't exactly agree to have one, she simply talked about it. Ive been thinking of...this fantasy of hers, which is a threesome with 2 men, and I honestly in some ways find it interesting, and very aroused by it, but deep down...i am a bit jealous though, which is strange.


Ive been questioning myself, because i was never an overly jealous man or anything of that kind, because i simply trust her and respect her. But i just cant stand the idea of another man...being with the person who I love, and is very special to me. Ive been working on this feeling however, and done tremendous amount of research on what a "Threesome" is and the complexity and extensive psychology behind it, and have grown to understand it more and accept it.


To a point where, I have been considering it.
Ive been reading articles, and viewing videos to kind of grasp the whole dynamic of it all. Rules and such, things to consider, feelings of jealousy and what not. So I, recently brought up the subject to her, and simply asked "Would you want to have a threesome, with me and another man?"

She seemed very surprised at first, but she reacted in a positive way, so I could tell she loved the idea. So we kept talking about it. However, she didn't say yes, but instead she keep laughing, giggling, blushing and saying "I don't know" and "Maybe" over and over again, and of course I've known her for 5 years, when she gets like this I can tell she either is to nervous and/or shy to admit something OR she is very curious about it.
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-As of right now,
I still think about it, and all she left me was with the "I don't know" and the "Maybe" which, i know she is still thinking about it as well. The problem is...the lingering feeling of jealousy and worry is still in my gut, and it wont stop bothering me. It bothers me cause I really want to give this opportunity to her and not ruin anything but, this horrible feeling just makes me feel kind of...guilty in a way, that cause of me I wont be able to live her fantasy with her, and make it come true.

Of course I know, some fantasies are best left that, a fantasy, and there's a huge difference between a fantasy and reality...but I just cant shake this feeling, and its gotten to a point where I'm only saying yes to this, because I want to please her...and as far my research go, this is not good at all, and nobody should agree to have a threesome in this kind of state.
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-So here's my main concern...
I love this girl way to much...to ruin something that she fantasizes about, I respect her sexuality and to me everything about this girl is beautiful and wonderful and id feel like...a piece of krap for the rest of my life, knowing my stupid jealousy and worry got in the way of this.
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-Questions..

1-Should I just go for it? and try to be as strong as I can to not feel jealous?... please some advice

2-Does she deserve better?... I don't want to ruin the wonderful naughty spirit she has with my stupid jealousy

3-Has any couple had a threesome, and had no problems? Are you still happily married?... please share experience.

4-Should I simply walk away without saying anything?... because I feel that If I tell her How i feel, she might feel that she's not a "Good Girl" or that shes undecent and dirty, and id rather the worst happen to me that she feel this way, or heck any women, I know women already have a lot of pressure for being sexually expressive. I'd rather she hate me so she can move on and find a man who would be more willing to a threesome.

5-If I talked to her, and she understood how I feel...would the curiosity of a threesome still remain in her mind? Would this lead to anything bad or unhealthy in our future together?
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-More Details....

-No I don't want a threesome with 2 women, she says she doesn't want to share me, and that's perfectly fine with me.

-Ive asked her more times and she keeps giving me the same nervously yet curiously shy response.

-I truly love this girl so much...and I don't know what to do, I don't want to let her down.

-She is not my first relationship, but she is the girl I lost my virginity too.

-I am, her first relationship and the first she lost her virginity too.

-We share a very happy and humble relationship, and have had thoughts of marriage and many future plans.

-Our sex is great, and we always try different things to pleasure each other.

-She has never cheated, I have never cheated.

-We both do not want an open-swinger like relationship, we respect it, but its not the way we want to live our lives.

-Were extremely close to each other, it will be hard If I would have to walk away from her.
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Thanks in Advanced!!!, look forward to everyone's responses,
very humbled and very grateful, thanks again.

[namemyname]

A threesome with another dude will end your relationship. One and done.

Fantasy should be left as fantasy.

[Bala81]

- @namemyname
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Not exactly the advice I was looking for, but thanks regardless.

To clarify, there have been couples (married or not) that have made it work, and it has actually brought them close to each other, more than before after this kind of experience. So it can either be a positive thing or a negative, not all fantasies are a bad thing, so I don't know where you get that information.

Im simply asking for advice, as in what can I do and what can I not do. But like I said thank you, appreciate your feedback.

[michelle23]

If you want to throw a 5 year relationship away-have a threesome. The jealousy your feeling now is a warning. You can multiple that by 1000 if you see another man touch her
I think you should scrap the idea completely as it could create major trust issues, insecurity, paranoia etc between you.

You are both satisfied with your sex life-you have enough variety to keep it interesting-who says you have to keep going to the extent of changing your monogamous union. Keep your sex life for the two of you-there are 101 different things you can do together. You dont need to bring someone else into your bed

[michelle23]

Ill just add that she told you she is not comfortable with sharing you with anyone and you respect that so she should give you the same respect when you say you dont want to share her either.

You have a great relationship. It would be a shame to throw it all away for something she is curious about. Im all for exploring new ideas, spicing things up, keeping things fresh etc. Me and my bf are very open with each other too but there is no way either of us would agree to share the other with a man or a woman.. Its not something either of us want to do. We are purely monogamous which I think will ensure our bond stays strong and nothing gets in the way of our relationship

[horndog]

OP- only you will know if its a good thing for your relationship. Plenty of relationships have been destroyed by threesomes and many have been improved. You just need to figure out which is more likely to happen in your relationship. I personally have had an experience where my wife and I had a spontaneous full intercourse swap with another couple in the same room with good close friends. It went great for us as we were able to keep everything in check and not confuse sex with love. When we had the sex with the other people it was just recreational sex and was amazing. When we retired to our own rooms later that evening it was "making love". It was a great experience for us but may not be for everybody but in our case it actually strengthened our relationship and improved our sex life. Maybe we are the exception and not the rule but it worked for us. My simple advice is to not rush into doing this and don't just pick strangers off of craigslist or someplace where creeps hang out. This was a one time thing for us and is not our lifestyle but if given the right opportunity with the right people again I am confident that we would do it again.

[Millie]

I think you'd be insane to go the threesome route personally, if you have a relationship that's great why on earth would you invite a third-party into your bed? I get that it's her fantasy but not all fantasies are made to be acted on - more often than not the idea of something is way hotter than the reality in any case. If you think you were mildly jealous at the mere thought of it before the event that's not even going to touch the sides of how it's going to feel after the event. With all due respect to horndog I've never heard of a threesome experience improving or strengthening a relationship - I do, however, know of a couple of cases where seemingly strong relationships were completely destroyed as a result. At the end of the day I guess if you want to take that chance with your seemingly great relationship it's entirely up to you, but don't say you weren't warned: three is not a magic number.

[LifeInflux]

What has been done cannot be undone - and so it is written!

Or ... so that would be your life after the threesome. Once it happens, its done, over with -- kaput. Regrets won't fix it.. so if you plan on doing something like this, you better be damn sure you know what you're doing. If there are any misgivings... if you find yourself worrying about it.. or thinking its a bad idea.. or POSTING ON A FORUM ABOUT IT... then you probably shouldn't do it.

If this is to be done at all, it should usually be in a situation where you don't care very much if you lose the person. Fantasies aside, if my partner decided their fantasy was to be with someone else, even if I was around.. and they wanted to act on that fantasy... then I would kick them to the figurative curb. Or perhaps the literal curb... I guess it would depend how close to the street we were.

[anonymous_a]

I'm in a similar boat with my boyfriend, it is something we've discussed, but it can be very dangerous. First of all, if you do decide to go for it, you're gunna want to make sure that it is with a random, NOT a friend, because then, not only is that freindship ruined, but that leaves a door open for future communication, which in turn is more likely to spark your jealousy. Like your gf, I am into having a 3 some, but not with 2 guys, I don't get down like that lol. I would be into having a 3 some with another girl, as long as there were rules set in place. Figure out what you're both comfortable with, and work with it. Based on her actions when you bring it up, she seems like she may not be overly serious about actually having a 3 some, which might be a better idea. You both have to be SURE that you want it, and like I said, do NOT involve friends. Make sure it is someone who you have no connection to, and do NOT swap contact info. This thing can be great for you guys, if let it be, but if you honestly feel like it might hurt your relationship, then don't do it. And for God's sake, DON'T leave her, just because you think you can't give her what she wants. If she loves you like you say she does, then this will not be a deal breaker for her.

[Starnique]

Threesome with another guy? What man would want that? If it was some ho then ok...but your girlfriend? Wow. I can see another female in the threesome but man...no.