I have been in an abusive relationship for 8 months now. im 18, and he is 17 and this is my very first real relationship. I've always been very confident, independent, and never considered any guy who chased after me worthy of calling mine, until i met this one. When I first met him the chemistry we had was like no other. It was more passionate then anything I had ever experienced,and within a couple of weeks we were already telling each other "I love you",and within a few months we were inseparable and best friends. i knew what we had was special, because i am very happy being single, being alone is actually a blissful feeling for me. so for someone like me to fall in love must really mean something. He did things and made me feel certain ways that i never imagined any guy could make me feel. He was all around just a very affectionate, sensitive, adorable and we had so much fun together. before the abuse started he has always shown signs of lacking self control. he has severe anxiety and when something sets him off, he has anxiety attacks and he doesnt think and he breaks everything in sight. he punches holes through doors, walls, and just destroys anything in his path. but then he started directing the violence towards me. at first he would do things such as pushing and shoving, and then that escalated into even worse things. hes choked me, spit in my face, told me im worthless, punched me all over my body, thrown me around, held me in his house REFUSING to let me leave, and the list goes on. most of these times he's hit me while we were fighting, but i remember one of the times he punched me was because his mom made him angry and i did absolutely nothing.... hes left me with so many welts and bruises. but for some reason, i always pitied him even though he's abusive.... he's had the roughest life out of anyone ive ever met... his mom was a meth addict and did drugs while she was pregnant with him and throughout his younger years. his mom has always neglected him and his brother and doesnt even feed her children. she would invite her tweaker friends into her home and one of them held a gun to his face when he was only 8. his mom has no common sense and used to invite criminals into their home to do drugs with them. all she does is sleep and get high. he used to watch his dad beat his mom before they were divorced. he left his mom when he was 12 to live with his dad, but all his dad did was beat the shit out of him so he had to go back to live with his neglectful and abusive mother. he has bi polar disorder, anxiety, depression, social anxiety, and he goes to therapy for being suicidal. he has no escape from his twisted and unstable home and doesnt even feel comfortable any where else due to his social anxiety... I stuck by him because we always had an understanding that our love was unconditional and that when you really truly love someone you stick by them until the end. he told me that when i came into his life, he was in such a bad place and was ready to kill himself, and that i saved his life. i am the only person in his life who cares about him, i usually even feed him because he has nothing and i offer him an escape from his stressful home. he had a lot of problems growing up and still does,so this was the excuse I kept making for him. After the incidents I would break up with him,but would always end up going back to him thinking things would change because thats what he would always tell me. he would hit me while he was having one his bi polar incidents, and then he would go back to his sweet self and tell me how ashamed he was and how sorry he was. he would tell me he would die for me, and that he loves me so much and hates himself for hitting me and that he will go to anger management classes. I would remember the good times we had,and he would promise to never put his hands on me again. Things would be wonderful afterwards and then it would go right back to the abuse. despite all of this there are still so many things i love about him that i feel like i could find in no one else... hes loyal beyond anything ive ever imagined. he could be in a room full of girls, and think of no one but me. i have never even seen him lay eyes on another girl. he wants to spend every moment of his life with me, and no matter what his plans for the day are, i can go to him no matter what and he would gladly include me or cancel his other plans. i can talk to him about literally anything and im so comfortable around him, i have nothing to hide when im with him... I can be myself and he loves all the weird, nerdy and embarrassing things about me. he is ALWAYS there for me and ALWAYS checks up on me. I have really no one to talk to about this because it seems like no one understands a relationship with such a bi polar person. Why do I still love this person so much and how can I leave him without feeling like i abandoned him and left him with no one? he even says that he will kill himself without me.. even if its not true.. it makes me sick to my stomach to imagine his life without anyone to take care of him and I understand his pain and depression. Is there any hope for a person like this? I know this sounds crazy!