Becoming emotionally available again..desperately unhappy

[cherryblossom20]

Hey everyone,

I'm hoping I can get some advice from you. I've been hurt pretty badly in my previous relationship and as a result of it I've realised that I've become emotionally Unavailable to new relationships. At first I thought I kept attracting the wrong guys (which I do to be fair) but blamed them on it not working. But I realised the reason I was attracting these particular guys was because I can't get close to then either.

I've been single for 2 years come March, I met a great guy about 3-4 months ago and he was really in to me. We both admitted when we we first met that we were scared of commitment and instead it going with the flow I pretty much sabotaged the relationship pretty early on. He blew hot and cold which made me do the same and what started of great became a huge mess. Neither one of us really wanting to end it so he ended up getting into a pattern of calling me late at night drunk normally asking if I wanted to see him. I only slept with him once and never did the mistake of running round whenever he asked me to. We have officially ended things now which is probably a good thing. But I can't help feeling like I've failed for some reason.

Without wishing to sound big headed I get my fair share of male attention, I'm financially secure, good job, independent etc but I can't seem to get my act together when it comes to men.

I've hurt a few guys in the past by my emotionally unavailability so I stopped dating because I felt so bad and hated myself for hurting people because it was never my intention to do so. I like everyone want to be in a nice healthy relationship but just always end up with the bad boys.

I would like to know if any of you have ever been emotionally Unavailable and if you were how did you change? I don't want to me like this forever

[DalM0m]

I always kept my emotions close especially in the beginning. At 3-4 months in I wouldn't be rushing to any big commitment. That doesn't mean I was completely unavailable. I didn't play mean games (but I will admit to waiting a few hours to respond back if I missed a call). I'd still be there. I'd still do things with people & I would slowly, start to let them in.