SO I am at a pivotal point in reconciliation, but I do not know what to think/ do?

[mosaicinfinity]

So my ex gf and I broke up about 2 months ago. It was not terrible, she cried a lot (although she did it) and told me we should be friends. I told her I'm never friends with an ex and that I wouldn't talk to her again. Time goes on and her birthday comes up so I text her "happy birthday." Nothing more. She replies "thank you so much I really appreciate that." So we talk and she tells me about good stuff in her life and I do the same, she's using a lot of smiley faces and exclamation points. In the moment, I asked her I she wanted to meet for coffee to which she says "ya sure." So she tells me she's free and we're going to meet up next week. She continued the conversation for a short while just making fun of me and teasing me and light-hearted humor before she stopped replying and likely just fell asleep. Does anyone know what she may be thinking? We broke up cause I was always so jealous and she couldn't handle my jealousy. I've worked on myself a lot and I want her to know. Any advice for what I should do or say? Is it worth a shot? Does anyone think I'm just being friend zoned or does anyone else think she may be interested again. We haven't talked at all today, but she was very funny and used plenty of smiles when talking so... Who knows. Help please? Just for the record, I do want her back!

Edit: we dated for 8 months, I know it's not a long time, but we shared some great moments in that time. We broke up because I guess I failed a test that she presented. I hate that girls do that, but I guess it's part of their evolutionary nature to find a mate who's strong and able. She asked me if thinking about someone else is considered cheating, referencing her friend who had a similar situation. I got kinda pissed and asked her what's up and she said "basically, I am just saying that it is unfair to be accused of cheating when no one is outright emotionally or physically cheating." I feel like that is part of her test, cause I basically accused her of cheating two times before this instance. She was very affectionate and all before she left to go study with some friends. That night, she came back talking about this guy that she studied with more than I felt comfortable hearing about. She asked me if it was cool if they were friends, cause she didn't want me to be worried about it like I had done twice before. Looking back, I feel like she did that to insight some sort of jealousy on my part to see if I react negatively. I acted cool at first, which is when she invited me to meet her family for the first time because I guess she thought I was finally over this insecure jealousy thing, but then I changed my mind suddenly and decided that I wasn't cool with this guy. That's when she flipped the script on me and broke up with me citing "I can't be with a jealous guy right now especially after being in a 4-year jealousy-driven relationship... It's not healthy and neither of us need that right now considering we're both going to medical school fairly soon... Maybe I just need some time for myself to be by myself and figure out what I want and what not." She said it has caused her feelings to dwindle over time thinking that I'm needy and clingy and what not. But I acted very calm and collected when she broke up and told her I was okay with it and that I couldn't be friends with her. 2 months go by and I've seen the guy we fought about to cause the breakup, saying he's just a friend. He's a very short, asian (not racist at all, I'm actually half filipino), that is not very attractive at all. I feel like he knows who I am since she and him became friends and she probably explained why we broke up to him or whatever (I'm not sure). But I feel like an A-hole for getting so jealous over a guy who is far from her type (tall, handsome guys which I consider myself to be) and accusing her of cheating. I've done a lot of soul searching and got my grades up to all A's for this semester so far, plus I snagged an internship with a doctor and an undergraduate research job, so I've got a pretty good setup going for me right about now, but I miss her. I know people will say that no girl would want their boyfriend jealous, but she really does get along better with males cause they're not catty and she can be straight up with them, which is why I'm afraid if I've fallen into her friendzone, and she probably wanted to see if I could handle her male friends without being needy or clingy about it, which I failed to do.

Oh! About 2 weeks ago, her best friend called me, who hates me, and wanted to know if she could come and pick something up, but emphasized the fact that she wanted to get the item from me (it was also 3 am and I was drunk at a bar). Just throwing that tidbit out there.

To get the best answer possible, I will provide the conversation we had over text:

Me: Happy Birthday
Her: Thank you so much I really appreciate that.
Me: No problem, how's everything on your side of the jungle gym? haha
Her: They're good how about you?
Me: Great actually, I got an undergraduate research job, so I'm looking forward to that.
Her: That's awesome! Congrats (I didn't reply after this message. I couldn't think of what to say so I quit typing mid text and she saw since both have iphones and you can see when the other person is typing)
Her: Do you love it
Me: Well I start in the fall, but I'm very excited. It's with the pathology department lol And I managed to have all A's so far this semester, so I'm rocking it. haha what's been up with you?
Her: Wow, I can't say congrats enough well, nothing as exciting, but I did get a shadowing opporunity for this summer in colombia and sierra leon.
Me: Nice! how'd you score such a sick deal?
Her: well my dad has friends in colombia and Dr. O is going to sierra leon for doctors without borders and is taking me.
Me: Not as exciting? I'd say that's pretty damn exciting. You're gonna be a "medecine sans frontiers." lol Well, if you're up to it, we should grab coffee sometime. If I remember correctly, you owe me a conversation over coffee lol
Her: Haha... Ouch... lol ya sure.
Me: Well I don't normally keep tabs on anyone, so consider yourself lucky or cursed lol
Her: lol so you're keeping tabs on me now?
Me: Haha if by tab you mean free coffee for you, then I guess that is the case. lol
Her: You know I don't like when people pay for me. You know I won't let you pay.
Me: Haha you've always been weird about that, well I insist, it'd be my pleasure.
Her: Not weird... I just don't like owing people anything lol Just preferences.
Me: Well I still call it weird, lol jk, it should be chill. Are you free next week?
Her: Mh I should be, I have an exam that friday. Good luck on yours tomorrow btw.
Me: Thanks, I'll need it.. I hate microbiology.
Her: Wait, why do you hate microbiology?
Me: The professor's teaching style sucks and she always has to correct her own mistakes.
Her: Lol, her online podcasts always put me to sleep, I just always read the book.
Me: Lol she has a sexy voice though.
Her: Haha you and your wet dreams about Dr. D.
Me: Lol hey if that's what you want to call it.... You and your wet dreams about Dr. H!
Her: At least he's attractive!
Me: Dr. D has a beautiful.... Soul... You only like Dr. H cause he's australian!
Her: Lol You're terrible!
Me: Lol Terrible because Dr. D's voice gives me a nice rubbery one? lol jk I wouldn;t touch Dr. D.

And that's when she stopped replying. Any advice? I don't think she'd agree to see me if she already had a new boyfriend right? She probably wouldn't want to cause any problems with a bf by talking to me or seeing me? And sorry for the length, I wanted to be as detailed and concise as possible.

[bekho]

She sounds cool. About the cheating test. You can ask her if its OK to think about a different girl while you're having sex with ur gf. Is that OK? Not even friends. Just imagination. I think she thinks she's being so mature with this 'I can handle my guy friends, its u that can't. I'll kick u to the curb for them cos ur just a jealous kid" attitude. its so immature to play these test games and one day shell realise it too. She should have gratitude to meet a guy Whos overprotective and has strong view against cheating.

I think u gotta play it cool. Don't show any weakness. Make her sway and veer for you. Make her the one who wants to come to these forums.

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[bekho]

Maybe her and Dr. D??? Also. Reading the conversation... It feels like you are forcing the discussion too strongly. Does she find you crude perhaps?

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[bekho]

I think she just doesn't like you THAT much... Also. What's the relevance of her best friend hating u and wanting to pick something up and u being drunk in a bar?

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[mosaicinfinity]

I think she just doesn't like you THAT much... Also. What's the relevance of her best friend hating u and wanting to pick something up and u being drunk in a bar?

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Well in reference to all of your comments, I will say that it is a bit immature to test people... But it's just how girls my age are (21).

The crudeness? I mean, she brought up wet dreams first and I just went along. haha I didn't find anything too terribly wrong with joking around like that. She didn't reply, but it was midnight and I had an exam the next morning. She's always found those stupid sexual jokes to be funny. Idk, maybe she was repulsed by my comment, but it was a joke. haha We'll see how the coffee date goes when we're 1on1.

And Idk, my friend who is very good with girls in general thinks that she doesn't want to seem overzealous about meeting. He believes that she began to regret breaking up with me, and that me texting her was a good opportunity to finally communicate with me, since she thought I hated her after we broke up. My friend saw her in a bar about a month after breaking up and said she looked upset to see him and kind of like she didn't want to be there. She did use a lot of smiley faces and she was very happy to talk for the time we did so idk.

And her friend calling me kind of made me feel like they were making themselves relevant to my life again. My roommate was at my apartment and could've easily given her the item, but she insisted that I give it to her. Just speculation.

[bekho]

Date it up!

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[bekho]

Give it to whom?

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[HeartIsAching]

Honestly, YOU initiated the conversation and SHE was merely acting friendly, which is what she said she wanted to begin with.

She's already shown that she's perfectly willing to have male friends, BF or not... so I would seriously not read too much into this.

[mosaicinfinity]

Honestly, YOU initiated the conversation and SHE was merely acting friendly, which is what she said she wanted to begin with.

She's already shown that she's perfectly willing to have male friends, BF or not... so I would seriously not read too much into this.

She was being friendly, yeah, but she was very smiley and double texted me when I wasn't replying. She also brought up wet dreams and knows that I'm not cool with just being friends. I've made that clear that I cannot be friends with an ex. It's just my prerogative. We'll see how this coffee date goes... but the only reason I feel like I initiated conversation first before she ever did was because she thought I hated her. She and I broke up a week into our relationship because she was scared to let herself be a part of someone else's life after her breakup. But she and I talked and she said she just thought I hated her after she dumped me.

Then, this time when we broke up, I texted her later on asking her what made her lose feelings and what I can do to better myself. She said "never had any feelings... Let's not talk." Mainly because I told her I didn't want to talk to her or be friends. She then texted me a few days later saying "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry I said that, I knew that if I told you the jealousy issue was the biggest problem for us, you'd want to work on it and I want that, but we can't work on our own personal issues when we're dating each other or anyone." I didn't reply to that, which means that I KNOW that she thought I hated her, so she was avoiding conversation because of her own pride. It just seemed like she was happy to talk to me and was willing to go to coffee. I'll play it by ear, but almost all of my friends think she's interested again since I didn't act needy when she broke up with me and I lived 2 months perfectly fine without her.

- - - Updated - - -

You think I gotta chance? haha I sound so dumb right now, but I did really love her.

And give the item to her friend.... Her friend is big on causing drama and probably wanted to come get that item to get some details about what I'm up to and how I'm doing.

[HeartIsAching]

You think I gotta chance? haha I sound so dumb right now, but I did really love her.

Nope .

[Valixy]

You're not the only person who is a bit weary of friendships his partner could have with the opposite gender. Many relationships dramas start because of friendships that form in the most innocent way. Would she have felt totally comfortable with you being very friendly with other girls?

Besides she even admitted she knew that you'd be willing to work on your jealosy problem but didn't want to give you that chance. In my opinión you didn't have major problems in the relationship, but one issue and failed to address it together - this should tell you something about how involved she was in the relationship.

I agree with you that the texts you sent to each other show that she has no hard feeelings for you, but you're the only one who knows her personality and could tell if they mean more than that. A coffee together shoud definitely help you have a better idea about what's going on with her and be able to tell if you should still think of her as much as you do, give it another try or really move on.

[mosaicinfinity]

You're not the only person who is a bit weary of friendships his partner could have with the opposite gender. Many relationships dramas start because of friendships that form in the most innocent way. Would she have felt totally comfortable with you being very friendly with other girls?

Besides she even admitted she knew that you'd be willing to work on your jealosy problem but didn't want to give you that chance. In my opinión you didn't have major problems in the relationship, but one issue and failed to address it together - this should tell you something about how involved she was in the relationship.

I agree with you that the texts you sent to each other show that she has no hard feeelings for you, but you're the only one who knows her personality and could tell if they mean more than that. A coffee together shoud definitely help you have a better idea about what's going on with her and be able to tell if you should still think of her as much as you do, give it another try or really move on.

Well her prerogative was that if we were together, we can't work on our self issues. Problems that we have that have nothing to do with one another, which is why she felt my jealousy couldn't be mended while we dated. She forgave me twice for accusing her and I did it a third time, so I could understand that she wouldn't be too happy about... But I did want to work on it with her and I feel as if she would've wanted that too, but as I said, sometimes you gotta take time for yourself, which is what she said she wanted "I just need time to figure out my insecurities from my past relationship and you should do the same." It's only been two months, but I've worked hard to understand the source of my insecurities.

[michelle23]

You told her you dont stay friends with exes. Now you look like an idiot asking you to meet her for a friendly coffee. You should stick to your guns and avoid becoming friendzoned coz thats all that will happen.

You and she are not compatible. You believe kn monogamy more than she does and you dont enjoy making each other jealous by discussing all that BS. Find a more mature girl who is on the same page as you coz this one is a childish bitch who enjoys winding you up.