Should I press charges?

[Only-virgins]

So, are you Hispanic or not?

[Gigabitch]

This guy isn't the problem (unfortunate those events were), your boyfriend is. He's trying to act strong and protective of you by trying to get back at somebody who wronged you long ago.

What he doesn't seem to realize is that he's the one that may end up emotionally abusing you if he keeps pushing the subject. It's up to you to let go, not him. If he believes otherwise, then you should start considering where your relationship is, and where it's going...

Listen to Fras. He thinks things through.

[jen913]

So, are you Hispanic or not?

I honestly don't see what any of that as do to with it. What if I am? What if I'm not? Will that change your looks on things? How does it pertain to anything?

[Converse]

So, are you Hispanic or not?

Don't be a Twat, O.V.

[Only-virgins]

I honestly don't see what any of that as do to with it. What if I am? What if I'm not? Will that change your looks on things? How does it pertain to anything?

I am confused why it is so hard to answer. A simple yes or no and the question goes away, but you drag it on...are you ashamed of what you are? If it doesn't matter so much then just answer, it is not that hard...watch..I was born in Poland...see...not so hard.

[anachronistic]

this is ****ed up beyond recognition. i don't know what to tell you.

this is why i stay away from girls that drink.. actually i went out with someone that went and got drunk for the first time and cheated on me big time.

i can't imagine how you would have felt waking up naked in someone elses bed.

[Glyph]

Seriously, it seems to me like you've been through a veritable buffet of sleazy, asshole, insecure guys - and I'm sorry to tell you, but this current boyfriend is one of them. I think everyone here can tell that you're really trying to keep hold of a long-term, committed relationship and that's admirable. Letting go of your past would help you so much, to learn from your mistakes, not to mention - realise that your "numbers" do NOT have anything to do with your worth as a person (despite what even a few morons here would say about it).

Trouble is, with this current boyfriend, you will not be allowed to learn from your mistakes and put the past behind you, because a big part of your life insists upon dredging it up in any way he can. At first, I thought that his wanting to press charges was a bit noble, glad to see that he's at least blaming SOMEone else other than you - but the more I think about it, the more I realise that it's not for you at all. It's for him. HE wants his validation. He wants you to - as TDurden put it perfectly - drag this guy right back into the center of your life in order for his ego to be salved.

You do. Not. Need. To do that to yourself. Your boyfriends problems with your past are HIS PROBLEMS. And from the way it sounds, he's not going to let it go. He just won't. This one's going to be up to you.

Do not let him make you re-live a bunch of sour memories and make you feel like less than a person because of your past. I can't stress enough how badly you need to ditch this guy.

[Only-virgins]

from the way it sounds, he's not going to let it go. He just won't.

This the only thing I agree with Glyph on...pretty much ever. I know what this guy might be more or less feeling and it will never leave, he may put it away for a little bit in the back of his mind...but it will come up again. Maybe even violently.

[Gigabitch]

Amen to that, OV. He sounds volatile and unstable to me too.

I'm sure you have a hundred reasons for being with him, Jen, but none of them matter if your relationship is going to be permanently poisoned by his insecurities.

[jen913]

Amen to that, OV. He sounds volatile and unstable to me too.

I'm sure you have a hundred reasons for being with him, Jen, but none of them matter if your relationship is going to be permanently poisoned by his insecurities.

Ahh! I don't know what do to! I started such a big thing on here. My last thread even had to get closed. Haha. *sigh* But seriously, I don't think I can really leave him. I'm stuck. It might be because this is the first guy that actually cared about me, and actually loved me. I don't think I can feel this way about any other guy. Talking here with all of you really helped though. Like the other night, I told him to stop texting me stupid things, if he can't say them to my face. Then I realized he is a little controlling with me. It never occurred to me before. The only time I can really go on here and write is when he is at class, because besides that, he is with me 24/7.

Some friends invited me to go out to visit another college one of these weekends, but he said I'm not going. If his friends asked him to go, I wouldn't like it either, especially when he can be flirtatious and he doesn't even realize it. Most of the time I'm standing right next to him.

We both got jealousy issues. That I'm not going to lie about. I've had guys tell me that I'm the only one they want to be with, then they say, "Sorry, it just didn't seem to work out". And they go to a party and get some other better looking girl (that could just be my damaged self-esteem talking).

If this summer he doesn't loosen up and continues to make me feel bad about myself, I might just have to do something about it...

Sorry for dragging my problems out so much on here.

[jurupa]

I guess I be a good boy and help you out Jen. lol


Jen, the best thing you can do right now is to dump your boyfriend, and do some "soul" seeking and basically work on getting stronger and more independent, because it seems you have emotional problems when it comes to sex, and as you may have notice it has gotten you into some trouble.

Also you may want to also get some new friends and live life. I know this may seem harsh and I am sure some girls will disagree with me on this, but if you do take the time to work on your self and become stronger and what have you, try and not have sex with any guys while your doing this, because you seen what it has done.

[Gigabitch]

Then I realized he is a little controlling with me.

Ya think?

Sorry for dragging my problems out so much on here.

That's what you're supposed to do.

Jen, watch out for this guy. He's attempting to isolate you. Please do some research on red flags for abusive men- being controlling and isolating their girlfriends are just the first steps down a long, ugly road.

Just because he's the only guy who cared about you doesn't mean he's the only guy who ever will.

I hear that you're not ready to leave him. Just remember what I said when those red flags start popping up and remember we're here.

[jen913]

I guess I be a good boy and help you out Jen. lol


Jen, the best thing you can do right now is to dump your boyfriend, and do some "soul" seeking and basically work on getting stronger and more independent, because it seems you have emotional problems when it comes to sex, and as you may have notice it has gotten you into some trouble.

Also you may want to also get some new friends and live life. I know this may seem harsh and I am sure some girls will disagree with me on this, but if you do take the time to work on your self and become stronger and what have you, try and not have sex with any guys while your doing this, because you seen what it has done.

Thanks, jurupa! lol
I know I will not be 'sleeping around', even if me and my boyfriend break up, which I hope won't happen. I've said this before, but I HAVE changed and know that is definitely not the way to go. Now that I actually lived more outside my mom's house, I have been though high school, I did a WHOLE bunch of learning (besides actually school work, haha, even though I did get good grades). And now that I am away from college, the learning just keeps continuing.

My boyfriend, no matter how bad he is in some ways, changed me for the good. I graduated from high school a semester early. I am planning to get out of college at least a semester early again. And I'm hoping to make the Dean's List this semester (it all depends on one class.. ). I guess I just need to live a little more and keep on learning.

I am going to continue trying to work things out with him. But I will keep my mind open. In high school, we needed to read the book "The Breakable Vow". It was about a physically abusive relationship, that the girl would not leave because she loved the guy and blah, blah, blah. I think I need to re-read that and try to interpret into my situation.


Sorry, if I offended anyone on here! I didn't mean to, it's just that in the last thread I had, it just seemed like all the guys (and some girls) turned into my boyfriend for a second and were judging me because of my past. I didn't know how to take it.

[vashti]

To reinforce what everyone else said, DON'T attempt to press charges. You will be laughed out of court and treated pretty much like OV and neo treated you in your other thread. Date rape victims don't generally go back to their abusers for more.

And yeah, your boyfriend sounds like he is a big part of your current problem.

[Glyph]

We both got jealousy issues. That I'm not going to lie about. I've had guys tell me that I'm the only one they want to be with, then they say, "Sorry, it just didn't seem to work out". And they go to a party and get some other better looking girl (that could just be my damaged self-esteem talking).

This speaks volumes to me. It sounds like you're so desperate to hold onto your current guy because he DIDN'T act like that. Which isn't illogical at all.

But here's a theory: you don't have only two choices. You've got three. Date around and have a bunch of guys dump you because they're dicks. Date a jealous control-freak with insecurities like you are now. OR, be alone until you find someone who will treat you right. As jurupa said, work on yourself, work on your own issues and really think about the things you want (as well as the things you should DEMAND) from relationships.

My own personal mantra is "I'd rather be alone than unhappy", and it has served me well. While I'm sure you've had good times with your guy now, it sounds like he's sapping all the fun and romance and warmth out of the relationship with his obsession over your past. And truly, it doesn't sound like he'll ever quit.

You've been given some pretty sound (and almost unanimous) advice. Eventually, look back on it and give it some serious thought.