Confused......

[Gigabitch]

I mean it, too, but not in the harsh way it sounds. I just want you to get your ass out of there.

[Sofia]

I thought you were dealing with your standard run-of-the-mill emotional retard until I read this last. I've been there, but didn't have much to add to Gigas posts.

You're with an abuser. You need to go, effective yesterday. This guy doesn't respect you at all. Once you've left, then you can figure out all the 'whys'. You're wasting energy working out all the Pysch lingo about 'why he does what he does', yadda, yadda. All its doing is distracting you from what you need to do.

Leave him. Don't even try to justify his actions to us. We see what is.

We don't live together, we have our own homes....

[Sofia]

I agree with Indi on this. If you stay in this relationship any longer things will only get worse.

I admire your courage and resilience for putting up with this type of behaviour for 7 years (It's a long time). But in a situation like this you need to rip the band aid off in one go, there is no other way around it.
List through the summary of his behaviour:

He doesn't respect you
He uses foul language directed at you
He abuses you both physically and emotionally
He doesn't want to hear about any issues in your relationship
He is not going to modify his behaviour for hte relationship to get better

Ask yourself, exactly what are you in it for?

Thanks Mishanya.....

I know, you're right.....there are just too many things wrong with this relationship.

[Sofia]

if relationship loss the respect .. what will rest ??? he didnt respecting you ... also your opinions

True.....I'm not sure what's left?

[Sofia]

I mean it, too, but not in the harsh way it sounds. I just want you to get your ass out of there.

I know you mean well....I do appreciate your advise and no offense taken.....I told my sister (she's older than me) that she got my share of guts/aggression...she told me it's time for me to take it back!!

[IndiReloaded]

We don't live together, we have our own homes....

I meant leave the relationship, tho the fact that you don't physically live w/him will make it even easier.

I assume after this time you have keys to each others homes? Change your locks, asap. Then give his key back and formally break w/him in a public place. Or by phone if you feel that is safer. Be polite, non inflammatory, but very, very firm.

If he comes around your place after that, call the police immediately. Don't mess around w/this kind of thing.

Spend some time w/your sister & get some emotional support. You'll be fine.

[IndiReloaded]

True.....I'm not sure what's left?

Figure out what you've learned after you break it off. Normally I would never say this, but abusive relationships are a different situation. You have to be total tunnel vision with only one goal: escape.

[Sofia]

I meant leave the relationship, tho the fact that you don't physically live w/him will make it even easier.

I assume after this time you have keys to each others homes? Change your locks, asap. Then give his key back and formally break w/him in a public place. Or by phone if you feel that is safer. Be polite, non inflammatory, but very, very firm.

If he comes around your place after that, call the police immediately. Don't mess around w/this kind of thing.

Spend some time w/your sister & get some emotional support. You'll be fine.

I don't have a key to his house.....he purchased it about a year ago and supposedly never got around to cutting me a key....I never asked for one either....I left that up to him....He already gave me back the key to my house....

Both of us know our relationship is doomed but it seems we're each waiting on the other to end it....he did comment yesterday that's it's easier for us to end our relationship because we're not living together.....I think it's more the number of years we've been together that is hard to just dismiss....

[Sofia]

Figure out what you've learned after you break it off. Normally I would never say this, but abusive relationships are a different situation. You have to be total tunnel vision with only one goal: escape.

Yeah, I have some real soul searching to do!!

[IndiReloaded]

....He already gave me back the key to my house....

Both of us know our relationship is doomed but it seems we're each waiting on the other to end it....he did comment yesterday that's it's easier for us to end our relationship because we're not living together.....

Huh. Are you sure you're not the one hanging onto him?

[Gigabitch]

Get clear in your head, Sonia. There are going to be all kinds of things you miss about the relationship, but they won't be things about HIM, and the more firm you are with yourself, the easier it will be to get through the hard part and come out on the other side.

Get some help. Tell your sister to help you stay away from him. Tell your friends you're going to need checking-in on for a few months. Post here every day. You can do this.

[Sofia]

He called me last night and I told him I think the best thing to do is to end the relationship....he wanted a list of why and doesn't think my reasons are good enough to end a 7-year relationship and that I'm a heartless bitch!

I told him I'm afraid of him physically abusing me, he said if you don't curse at me/disrespect me in public or especially infront of my family, then he wouldn't react in that way...He said why is it ok for me to verbally abuse him or swear at him and it is not ok for him to retalliate in getting physical? He said he doesn't plan to abuse me, he get's mad, loses his temper and reacts, he can't help it and he doesn't see how it is fair for me to disrespect him and he not retalliate....I said it wld be better if u cursed me back instead of physically abusing me, he kept ignoring that point.....

He is just so shocked that I feel my reasons are enough to want to end our relationship...then he accused me of finding someone else, that is why I'm finding it so easy to end the relationship....

[cheybee1]

I hear you, I have the same decision to make but for other reasons. I have to say, I was doubting my decision, but I think yours is more justified than mine. Leave.

[Sofia]

Now he's saying he doesn't want to lose me and is willing to try and change the things I'm unhappy with about him...he said instead of focusing on what he feels is wrong with me, he is going to try and focus on his own flaws/issues....

[IndiReloaded]

Now he's saying he doesn't want to lose me and is willing to try and change the things I'm unhappy with about him...he said instead of focusing on what he feels is wrong with me, he is going to try and focus on his own flaws/issues....

This is called The Big Lie, also known as 'I'll say anything to avoid the work of getting a new sex partner'. Stay the course, Sofia.

And that comment about 'what is wrong with you'? Lol, he's pretty stupid to have actually said that to you. He's just trying to psych you into feeling insecure so you rethink your decision. Standard Manipulation 101.