I'm not sure what to do...

[BobHope]

I guess this is why it's hard for me to leave... Because he didn't blame the way he acted on his mother. And he asked me to look for a doctor because he's had a lot of "bad thoughts" lately, and he doesn't want to bring me down with him.

Now I really don't know what to do.

[Yggdrasil]

I just got off of the phone with him. He was crying and told me that he was sorry for being such an ass. He basically just went on and on about his mom. This is probably the first time that I've ever heard him cry about her, or for that matter, talk about it. I guess he's on his way home because he needs to talk things out. He said he's been such a dick to me and I don't deserve it.

I'm so confused.

Ah.. the honeymoon phase... read up on the cycle of abuse.

Well, like I said: it's your life, and you decide what you do with it.

I know what I would do.

Good luck.

[BobHope]

After thinking things over, I called the abuse hot line, I found that there may be a problem in addiction, which I know is true. Because all of these problems started when he started playing poker again and relying on it.

Because he only acts this way when he plays poker and loses. Granted, I don't deserve that, so I gave him an ultimatum. He said that he doesn't have a problem gambling. So I called my mom and got a plane ticket back home. I'm not happy about it, but in order to help him, I need to stop inhibiting his behavior.

The thing is, I've been around abusive behavior all my life, and while I know it's not a good thing to stick around until they can really hurt you, there can also be a lot of other things that are the cause for the person to act the way they are. My step dad was abusive when he was addicted to alcohol. But thankfully my mom stuck with him and helped him through his problem and now he's the nicest guy you'll ever meet. Back to his old self.

I'm not giving excuses for him. I just think that gambling has taken over and he doesn't realize how bad it's got. It's odd, because when I brought up the gambling problem, all he could do is defend it. No longer was it important to make me happy.

Hopefully he'll get his shit together. If not, I guess I'm on the singles list.

[Yggdrasil]

It's not the end (yet). There's always the chance he comes to his sense and takes care of his problems.

But that is up to him, and he has to do it for himself, not for you, not for his relation with you, and he's going to have to do it with professional help.

I think you're doing the right thing by removing yourself from the situation. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you and I only can encourage you to go through with it. I know it's not gona be easy, but I am sure you can do it.

Remember: you're worth more than what you're getting right now and like everyone else, you have the right to be happy.

You are doing the right thing for yourself.

Keep us up to date if you can and don't let him persue you to staying with him (at least not at this point in time).

I also believe that you should take the time with your mom to sort out your own thoughts and give yourself time and be gentle with yourself. This isn't your fault. You are protecting yourself from more abuse. Anything is better than being in a toxic relation.

Courage and hang in there.