his mom hates me, now its led do 6 days of tears, what to do?

[cessers]

:] because of ROTC. 2012 the year we both graduate he'll be off the Airforce as an officer. Meaning i might or might not go with him. I have my own dreams too. I want to know if its worth waiting for if i don't go with him. Also i believe in those relationships where you live with each other to get to know each other better. You never really know someone till you've lived with them. I'm not in really a rush to move with him honestly but it would be nice to try, sorry if it seems that way.

[cocobubble]

how long have u two been together? it is not living with each other to know each other. you have know him, as knowing his whole life to know him. you dont want to just know him because he tell u "hey, this is me and this is who i am, i am great!" u know...
sometimes later in life, you might find out that the one u married is not who u thought he was.

[cessers]

well. We dated about a year and a half then were exclusive for almost a year in march.
I know i have to get to know him even more. That's why i want to try to live with him or near him. I want to know more than what i know now since i don't want to end up wasting my lifetime falling for someone I only know miles and miles away.

[cocobubble]

this is why u should get to know the people and environment around him. just knowing him isn't going to make him perfect for you. u said something about his mother not liking u, well u gotta know why first... dont expect him to tell u the truths because sometimes bf will hide the truths from u just so u wont get hurt.

[cessers]

i know his friends and i know his other family that like me. We've hungout and weve talked. It not like i only know him and what he says. And everyone i've asked tells me they don't think she likes me because ive changed him. Hes not following her "plan" anymore and resents me for that. and i know hes not perfect. Nor do i expect him to be for me. Were still a little young for that. I just want o know how to fix the her and me thing and then the him and i thing to make it easier

[vashti]

If you want to fix things with her, you'd better find out what her plan is, and learn how to work your way into it.

He's still a kid - he depends on his family to support him through college. Therefore, he has to be on board with THEIR plan, not yours.

And yes, it sounds like you and his mom are having a power struggle over who gets to pull his strings. My crystal ball says SHE will win because she controls the money. And BTW - I am quite sure after investing herself in his welfare for 20+ years financially, emotionally, etc. she also wants what is best for him. She just may have a different perspective about what that is than you do.

[cessers]

but what if her plan includes not having any relationships with anyone?

and my plan only came out of his plan which HE proposed. Not me. Its just a bit confusing when he tells me what he wants then changes it. Ive been trying to adjust to his lifestyle not so much him adjusting to mine.

And as for the power struggle. Yes she wins for now but from the looks of it, from what shes been doing, while it is having him stay in Fresno right now it also has made him want to leave their house. And yeah i do agree that his mom has different perspective than me. I just wish she was willing to talk so we could get on the same page with each other rather than have to battle.

[cocobubble]

you said you know his friends and his other family? what other family?
you have to know his FAMILY. THE ONE HE LIVES WITH EVERYTHING DAY AND KNOW WHAT HE DO EVERYDAY.

if you dont even get along with his mother, then life will only get worst.
she know what is best for her son.
you said he used to do well until he got with you? something like that.
well, look at that. maybe it is not the parents... maybe it is when he got with you that he changed.

be honest with yourself first before you expect other ppl to be honest with u. i think u are looking for sympathy and not the true on this forum.

[cessers]

i am being honest with myself. and reality hit me in the face today. He lied about a lot but you know what? im ok. i never went on here to look for sympathy but more so advice. Its been a rough week and i figured perspective would open the door to things. Which in some ways it has. I just needed to vent. i have no reason to post something that is untrue especially when im emotionally opening myself up to the world.

and yes i did think he was better when he was with me., key word being "did". Little did i know right? but reality is only so harsh. And his friends? yes i know some of them, only the ones that we have mutually through the place we met, they've known him as long as i have. If only time could go back but we all know that's never going to happen.

As for his family. I tried. it was a hit and miss. and yes i know that its you Tita who in fate found this forum and choose to criticize how i felt. and now you see how i really perceived things. I didn't write what i wrote earlier in hopes to find sympathy at all but instead to find someway to find closure and figure out what to do with you and your son. It was never meant to bash on you and your family as i wrote it, or to judge. I wrote it because the same way he had felt caged, i also was feeling the same. No hard feelings though, im happy we got to talk to night in person about all of this. It has given some closure for me. I just wish the talk hadn't come so late and so many lies had to be told for us to get to this point.

As for your son. Although we have broken up because we had an unhealthy relationship and we need to concentrate on ourselves right now. Do believe me when i say in some ways i still fell the same way about him. And if fate is as kind to you, that you were able to by chance come upon this post then hopefully it will be the same for me. I am settled on now just continuing as i have been with my life. Still planning. Hopefully your son is somewhere along my future even as just a friend and he will learn from his mistakes also. Hope you all do well for yourselves and we meet again on better terms.

[cessers]

love and life is all about perspective :] i get that now.

[SirWagginston]

I have dealt with this before. I don't think your boyfriend is being intentionally dishonest with you. I think your boyfriend's mother is emotionally abusive. I had a girlfriend who struggled with the same problems. We got along perfectly in our personalities, except that her mother was extremely conservative and overprotective, such that she objected violently to my feelings toward her.

What Vashti says about the power of money is correct. I eventually had to give my ex-girlfriend the following ultimatum: stand up to your mother, or this isn't going to work. She stood up to her mother, and her mother threatened to withdraw her tuition payments, which would have forced my ex-girlfriend into a lesser school that did not offer her major.

I think people are practical when they have to be to survive. You can probably assume from here who my ex chose to side with (because she had to), and the difficulties you therefore face.

[cessers]

:] I find what you say to be quite true Sirwagginston. I have had the same perspective as you have for the past 6 months of the relationship i spoke about. And i am sad to say, last night i found that he had been intentionally dishonest but only so with good reason. The perfect son can never be the perfect boyfriend. I strongly believe in that now. There just to much to please and if your not mentally strong your forced to take sides. While not completely justified, i find his reasons for lying understandable due to the situation. obviously i would have not preffered it that way.

I am as defeated as you had been with your ex although i do not resent him for his decision. When cornered many people do act in desperation. ill just assume he was not ready to leave the nest or he would have been honest everyone instead. There were issues on everyone's part and a lot of it had to do with Trust and Perspective.

[SirWagginston]

Yeah, but you and your "ex" are young. His mom should know better. My condolences don't go to her.

[SirWagginston]

I don't mean to be cynical, but I'm tired of hearing people imply that parents always know best. Some parents give their babies alcohol to shut them up. Some parents beat their kids, or abandon them when they get to be too much work. Obviously, some parents are capable of making mistakes.

Please think about this before buying into the idea that he "must have been doing something wrong" in order for his mother to act as she did. I know even less about his family's dynamics than you do, but I know that blindly trusting an authority figure with vested interests will not get you to the bottom of it.

[cessers]

Well yes that is all true and yesterday by some chance of fate they she came upon this forum and saw what i had wrote. They called and for once we talked. In all honesty it was a bit unfair since everything was suddenly "my fault". When the truth came out of the closet for all of us in some ways it was misunderstanding. Perhaps if we had been mature than things would have been different. I did not agree with all the things that they put on the table or what they assumed but everyone is entitled to their opinion. Including my ex who had not said much. I only judged his family from what i had heard. I in turn reacted badly in someways for fear of losing a relationship that had been dear to me. But then I almost feel as if we all cared too much and at the same time it wasn't enough to fix things and all be straight out with one another. And about the lies. Id rather try to understand why he did it than judge him for what he did. I don't think hes a bad person in any such way, just one that is confused right now. If i had caused problems it was unintentional, i only acted upon what information i was given. And even if it partly had been me, there would be no reason in the world that i can imagine why a mother should act that way, if she really had acted those ways when he told me.

If your name is chelsey please do step out now. Im sure that raf has told you what happened yesterday and you decided to look but honestly. Why are you so interested in everyone elses life? worry about your own. And yes i can imagine you being defensive right now, but believe me when i say you should worry about your own relationship not this one that is done already and has nothing to do with you. Thanks for worrying. but no thanks for just being nosy. Ill just laugh if you reply with something else. And i know its you silverstar. You made an account to day just to snoop .