The "friends" issue

[equivo]

Airborne I have a friend just like this. There is a girl who he has regarded as "his" for the last 2 years and she hasn't got the slightest bit of interest in him romantically (although they are great friends). She has told me this herself and I assume she's not lying.

It does get really irritating the way he makes enemies of people who she shows any kind of interest in. In fact I think he's had some kind of grudge against me since a whole bunch of us went out one evening about a month ago, and she was being quite flirty with me most of that night. Anyway, I digress.

If this friend is anything like mine, you'll need to get her to tell him the truth about the way she feels because he probably won't believe anyone else who tells him. Unfortunately, this will be fairly difficult to achieve if the girl is afraid of hurting his feelings.

[whaywardj]

I see. In that case, I'd just tell him myself I didn't think she was interested and let her get around to telling him in her own way and time. Any contact with her on the subject just leaves too much room for misinterpretation of the type I committed. If he ever got the skinny on it, he'd just be likely to think you maneuvered her into not liking him. If things are as you say, sounds as if he's trying to find a scapegoat for his failures in hooking up. Namely, you. That's another reason I'd stay as far out of his involvements as possible; short of declining a lady's interest in you...if SHE expresses any.

Though it would lead to an awkward period of time, the VERY BEST thing that could ever happen to this guy is if he walked up to you while you were chatting with one his so-called ladies, made noises or signals about not liking it, and she said, flat out, "I'm really not interested in you romantically. Now would you, please, just leave us alone so we can have a conversation without all your silly interruptions?"

Happened to me a long time ago. Never had to happen again. Shit, I was blush-red embarrassed for weeks.

[Airborne]

Aye I made an attempt at telling him last night when we went out to see a movie, he didn't believe me at all when I told him to read between the lines, and that the real reasons she had broken up were due to other reasons. The part that really annoys me is that he got annoyed at me just because I was talking to her.

Spose it might be a good idea not to talk to her about it because of the reasons you mentioned Hay, he ain't believing me so I guess i'm gonna have to leave it to him to figure out for himself.

[whaywardj]

Yeah. Stop trying to help. He doesn't want it. I'd also try to side-step any woman's effort to have me "straighten him out." You aren't these people's daddy, after all.

(Hm. Or are you? And this is your daughter we're talkin' about.)

[Airborne]

Aye its my daughter Hay, and the other guys is my son!lol

If she did go for me I would have to give it a time period of about 2 months before I could go out with her, enough time ofr him to get over her I guess.

[whaywardj]

Except for the father/daughter/son incest thing you've got going on, I'd say you've got your head on straight and just follow your instincts. Except, maybe, the instinct which compels you to help your partner get clear on what he's NOT getting. Let him enjoy his ignorance. Enough BS falls in lap because of it, he'll wake up. No point in your getting splattered with the shit that's hitting his fan.

[Airborne]

Aye I spose i'll just "let him enjoy his ignorance," though he keeps knocking me over the head with that "don't steal her shit" despite the fact I never bring it up. He is being really stupid, I spose it will do him good to wake up and realise she isn't interested in him.

[whaywardj]

I'd also have a word with him about how annoying his accusation you're "stealing" from him has become. Were it me on the receiving end of such, I'd be strongly compelled to make his wish come true. Already getting the heat. May as well go ahead and take the meat. On the face of it, I'd guess this guy has you set up in his mind as some kind of mentor or role model and is having a little problem with how that subordinates him.

[Airborne]

Holy **** thats some good psychology Hay, he actually asks me for advice and that sort of thing......

Though he is my friend and I would not do that to him, well not within the next couple of months, even if he is being a complete and utter jackarse. Thogh I think he is also coming to the relisation that she may not go out with him, they had a "serious" chat.