+ Follow This Topic
Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Ex coming back in my life. Is she ruining everything or spicing it up???

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    3

    Ex coming back in my life. Is she ruining everything or spicing it up???

    Hi. In need of a advice real quick. I am 18 years old. My Ex who hurt me real bad just text me and said she loves me.

    I was dating this girl, which i will call Amie, in 2016. Our relationship was great we loved each other and held hands when we walked anywhere. I had this best FEMALE FRIEND, who i'll call Isabelle. Everytime i hung out with Isabelle, Amie would get jealous and give me a silent treatment or cry. When i asked her whats wrong she'd reply "you hurt me, you love that Isabelle of yours more than you lovd me, etc"
    I loved Amie so much that i decided to push away my best friend in order to keep her happy. Our relationship continued.

    When the year came to an end, Amie went to visit her family in the Eastern Cape. Amies personality completely changed she became that reckless chick. She started smoking and post inappropriate pics of her body on her social media platforms knowing that i would try to talk her out of what she was doing(i was only concerned). A day later she started posting pics of this blond haired guy on all her social media platforms with the captions "my boo, the one and only i love, the person who doesn't judge me" This was a way of breaking up with me.

    I tried to move on. Taking her out of my mind was harder than being in the front line of WW II. I distracted my mind with IT related stuff and gadgets (that's how i came across LOVEFORUM). Time and distance made the magic, i completely forgot about her. I even met this wonderful and beautiful girl, which i will call Teresa. We gave been dating for 4 months now but it feels like it's been 4years.
    Its been almost two years since Amie and i had No Contact.

    Last month, September 2018, Amie sent me a text on FaceBook "hi, you look nice, i kinda miss you" i replied after a week "thanks, miss you too". And now this months, October, just yesterday, Amie sent me a text "i need to tell you something..." i replied "am all hears" and she said "i am sorry about what i did, i know you might think i didnt love you, but i did and i still do" i replied "i have to admit, i still love you too"
    She proposed that we should date again because it didn't work out at first and i accepted her proposal.

    i can't say NO that's why i accepted her proposal. I dont know who i love more.
    Should i just have sex with Amie and disappear or should i comsider a relationship????

    This happened recenlty so a quick reply is appreciated.
    I'd appreciate it if Smackie replies as well.

    Excuse my grammar

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    4,832
    Well, I'm not Smackie, but I will offer my thoughts. You have to do what you think is right... but personally what I would do if I were in the same situation...

    I myself don't see how I could possibly trust my ex if your situation were mine. People CAN change, but they usually don't and especially not in just a few short years. I personally do not see how I could trust she wouldn't just turn around and do the same thing all over again. It isn't like you two just didn't work out and you amicably broke up. She blatantly, immaturely, intentionally tried to hurt you. She basically cheated on you and posted it all over social media as her means of breaking up with you. I don't personally think I could give somebody like that another chance.

    ....But you are not me. So I can't tell you to do that if that isn't what you want. If you want to give her another chance, at least just proceed with caution. The other thing, though, is you already have a new girlfriend with whom you seem to have really hit it off. Do you really want to risk losing her to pursue somebody who already had you and chose to throw you away? That is something to consider.

    And, honestly, that doesn't AUTOMATICALLY mean you should forget "Amie" and stay with "Teresa." If you are honest with yourself and find that maybe you just don't love Teresa as much as you did Amie, then maybe your honest decision is that it is better for both you and Teresa if you end things with her. Then MAYBE you pursue Amie anew and see if there could be something there this time. On the other hand, is what you have with Teresa too good to risk? Then maybe you should politely tell Amie you apologize for not deciding this before, but you need to decline and just wish her the best.

    These aren't easy questions you face. I don't feel like they are situations where any of us have any right to tell you what to do... but we can offer our thoughts and advice based on what we may do if we were you. I hope I have helped even if just in some small way. I wish you the best in deciding what you think is the right path for you.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    3
    Thanks for your advice.

    I think you are right, about Amie leaving me again. Knowing that Amie might leave me soon gave me the thought of accepting her proposal just to get a chance to have sex with her.

    I think if i have sex with Amie, i would'nt be left broken at all. I really wanna hurt her like she hurt me. Having sex with Amie and disappering might hurt her.

    And i also would like to know how i should act or treat her if we dated again.

    I used to be/ act like;
    1. Loved her more than she loved me.
    2. I was so obsessed about her.

    Is accepting her proposal just so i can have sex with her a good thing to do??

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    333
    The best way to get back at her is to block and delete her without explanation. Cutting her off for good will make her think more solidly about what she did. Deny her access to you.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to smackie09 For This Useful Post:


  6. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    4,832
    Personally I would not advise a plan like that. To use her in an attempt to hurt her the same way she hurt you.

    Believe me, I understand how you feel. Heck, if I am being completely honest, she would probably deserve it for what she did to you. Or, at the very least, the her she was back then deserved it.

    The thing is, karma is a b****. No sin goes unpunished forever. You don't have to help karma kick her in the pants. It will take care of that all on its own. Heck... maybe it already did. Who knows?

    Not to mention all the possible bad things that could result in you trying to do that. Just off the top of my head.... What if, in the process of you getting back with her just planning to hurt her the way she hurt you.... what if she does it again before you even get the chance? Then you just opened yourself up to fresh hurt for no reason. What if you go into it intending just to hurt her.... then you find yourself falling for her all over again..... and then she just does the same thing to you again?

    So, for those and about a million other reasons, I personally cannot recommend AT ALL that you pursue a relationship with her just with the intention of getting revenge. You honestly owe it to yourself (not to her) to avoid that kind of negativity in your life. Frankly, YOU deserve better than that.

    So, whether you decide to end things with Teresa or not is one thing. Whether to decide to pursue things with Amie again is one thing.... but I would not personally recommend pursuing things with Amie or ANY ex unless it is something you are pursuing honestly. Again, I can't tell you what to do, though. You have to do what feels right to you. I just personally don't think there are ever any good reasons to do something like that.

    Best of luck to you.
    Last edited by TheEvilJester; 06-10-18 at 01:28 AM.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    1,769
    So you love her
    But consider just using her as a ****toy

    Yes that makes sense to me

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    San Francisco, CA
    Posts
    316
    yeah.. don't do onto others what you hate when they do onto you.
    Tell Amie you're glad she's doing well, that you two are good and don't hate each other. but that you are with somebody you really like and feel you and amie alrady had your try and it didn't work out.

    then cut it off with amie - maybe distant friends ONLY.. BUT not every day involved friends. and focus on this other gal who has treated you well and has STUCK with you for 4 mos already.

    NEVER do anythign for revenge - you'll just end up on the short stick at the end of that one.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    535
    So what about "Teresa" - just throwing her away or going to cheat on her with "Amie?" Even if you still have feelings for "Amie" I would never have told her so, now she holds the power. This thread is proof of it.
    “Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.”
    ― Eckhart Tolle

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to CantMoveOn For This Useful Post:


  11. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    4,832
    Quote Originally Posted by richiro View Post
    yeah.. don't do onto others what you hate when they do onto you.
    Tell Amie you're glad she's doing well, that you two are good and don't hate each other. but that you are with somebody you really like and feel you and amie alrady had your try and it didn't work out.

    then cut it off with amie - maybe distant friends ONLY.. BUT not every day involved friends. and focus on this other gal who has treated you well and has STUCK with you for 4 mos already.

    NEVER do anythign for revenge - you'll just end up on the short stick at the end of that one.
    This pretty much echoes my own thoughts almost exactly. I agree with all the others as well, but this was nearly exactly what I was thinking myself. If I were you.... if I were in your position... there is no way in HELL I would risk a relationship that is going great for one that already failed.... especially given the nature of HOW it failed.

    But, again, to each his/her own. Truth be told, if you are honestly just finding you are not that into Teresa, then you probably would be doing her and yourself a favor to end things regardless of the Amie situation. Nobody deserves to be with somebody who isn't sure they are fully into them. By the same token, you deserve to be with somebody you truly love.

    I don't know if you aren't that into Teresa or if you actually ARE. I just sort of lean towards thinking you aren't fully into that relationship if you are pondering getting back with Amie. If I'm wrong and you ARE fully into your relationship with Teresa, then I could not personally recommend any more highly that you have nothing to do with Amie. Why risk a good relationship, if you are fully invested in it, for something so uncertain?

    But, again, you must do what you feel is right. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to TheEvilJester For This Useful Post:


  13. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    1,287
    She is ruining everything and you are letting her, smarten up. Block and ignore her. Stop thinking with your dick and compromising a good thing you already have.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to dollhouse For This Useful Post:


  15. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    4,832
    I'll also share a little story. This was not a romantic relationship, it was between two friends. However, a friend of mine once had a pretty bad falling out with one of her other friends. This had been a pretty close friend, so it was a particularly hurtful falling out for her. After some time passed, this ex-friend of hers came back around and reached out again.

    My friend was not willing to trust her again... but the hurt was still fresh enough that she wanted to get her back, so to speak. She wanted revenge, essentially. She shared with me that her plan was to accept this ex-friend back as a friend... only to wait for a little while (pretending to be friends again long enough to make her think everything was okay) and then hurt her back in revenge.

    I shared with her that I 100% understood how she felt, but that she'd be better off just refusing to let the ex-friend back into her life at all. I cited similar reasons I gave you. For example, what if she just turned around and did the same thing again? But, ultimately I am not going to tell somebody what to do, and she was insistent that her ex-friend deserved to be treated the way she'd treated her.

    ...Unfortunately that story ends with the ex-friend hurting my friend AGAIN before my friend ever even got the chance to execute her plan. So, she wound up opening herself up to new hurt that she didn't deserve and that she could have avoided. Maybe the same wouldn't happen to you. But, then again, maybe it would.

    But, even despite that, maybe stop and think to yourself what might other people think of this scenario? Put yourself in the shoes of an un-involved party hearing this. What do you think people in general, or even future possible romantic interests, would think of somebody who entered into a relationship strictly intending to hurt the person.... not to mention while they were currently in another relationship? Believe me, I 100% understand how you feel and even agree that she'd probably deserve it. It's just, you deserve better than to have to lower yourself to her level.

    Good luck.

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to TheEvilJester For This Useful Post:


  17. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    2,133
    As they say, Two wrongs don't make a right. Meaning that you should not do harm to a person who has done harm to you, even if you think that person deserves it.
    “The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.”

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to lovebroken For This Useful Post:


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •