+ Follow This Topic
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 17

Thread: Red flag?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    61

    Red flag?

    My sisters boyfriend, common-law ( not sure what he is???) I mentioned a guy she was roomies friends with years ago driving us all to a funeral and she promptly feels the need to tell him that guy was just a friend, no one she dated ( who cares, this guy was 8 years before she even met this current guy) Odd? JUST MAKING A THREAD BECAUSE NO NEW PEOPLE ARE JOINING.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    4,987
    Quote Originally Posted by mellyann View Post
    JUST MAKING A THREAD BECAUSE NO NEW PEOPLE ARE JOINING.
    So is that a real story, then, or did you just make it up to give us all something to do? LOL!

    Assuming this is an actual story where you really wanted opinions...

    I'll be honest. I don't think that is enough for us to really form a solid opinion. I DO agree that it is kind of weird she felt the need to interject that. Especially if she just volunteered the information out of nowhere and for no apparent reason. That would almost lead me to think he HAD been someone she dated.... or that she dated around A LOT but didn't want him to know that.

    Who knows? Neither of those things could be true... but when you say things like that out of nowhere, it often makes me think of Hamlet. "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." LOL!

    I don't know if it is a red flag, necessarily. At least not by itself, not unless there are other reasons for concern.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to TheEvilJester For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    1,305
    We all should make second accounts and fill the website with new posts until it gets back to normal activity...

    Is your sister a gal who has cheated in the past? and this guy she is with knows it, or maybe he is very jealous and needs reassurance that it wasn't a man she had sex with it, just a friend. I think it could be a red flag that he is insecure and jealous.

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to dollhouse For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    346
    I agree with dollhouse. That was the first thing that came to my mind...he is insecure and gets jealous when her past comes up. Also, if they are common law, they have been together for a while. Is this something you are just noticing?

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Snow White For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    61
    Thank you for replying - TheEvilJester, dollhouse and SnowWhite.

    TheEvilJester - Yes, is a real topic, I wanted to make one, not about myself and that was something regarding my sister and her guy I found strange. I sat behind them, we were in their SUV at the time, I was in the back seat with my niece and I casually broke up a recollection from the past that applied to the current and she felt the need to explain away that the guy mentioned was ONLY a friend, the guy was also a friend to me and a common friend my sister and I have. Odd she felt the need to say that, was she worried, him jealous, something strange going on between them?

    dollhouse - Yes, she had this guy as her backup during her marriage, it was between this guy and other guy and she married other guy for WRONG reasons ( money -take care of her and that marriage exploded) and she clawed back to this guy so there is a weird history there. Other guy she was married to was jealous/possessive on other men as well. Wondering if okay here it starts again?

    Snow White - They have been off and on for several years, he was living overseas for most of it and recently moved to our country. They still seem to have no marriage plans though. Yes, I never noticed he was insecure before, so makes me wonder if my sister isn't up to old tricks and has a new back up in the wings incase this goes south too. I couldn't assess which was the issue, him or her because why'd she jump at saying so and so was only a friend, we never dated. Made me feel awkward. They were silent for several minutes after too.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to mellyann For This Useful Post:


  10. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    4,987
    Oh, that is a good point, so thanks to dollhouse and Snow for that one. When somebody is so quick to interject information that seemingly otherwise didn't really need to be said, it is often hard not to think it is because of their own guilty conscience. But, that is true that it could maybe be her over-compensating for HIS over-inflated jealousy/paranoia.

    Though, given more of the story Mellyann has shared, I can kind of understand it if he had some trust issues with her. ...At least initially. Didn't you say it has been like 8 years? And that was 8 years before she met her current fella. How long has she been with the current guy? Because, given the details you shared (that she was kind of with him AND another guy and ultimately chose the other guy.... only to later regret it and go back to him when that failed) I cannot blame him AT ALL if he was a little reluctant to trust her..... AT FIRST.

    Because, no matter what she may have done in the past, if she continues to prove completely trustworthy now, then she doesn't deserve to continue to be punished for past crimes. ...On the other hand, if she has continued to prove she's NOT necessarily the most trustworthy partner... then that's a different story.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to TheEvilJester For This Useful Post:


  12. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    61
    Hi, Jester.
    She almost immediately replied that comment back, barely a breath between me speaking to her replying that and looking towards him when she said it, and I registered a what's going on here in my mind. I wouldn't say my sister is trustworthy but I honestly do not think she is physically cheating but cannot know if she is emotionally cheating with an online person as a place saver. Since this guy was a place saver/back up maybe that is where is paranoia stems? You lose them how you get them fear?

  13. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    335
    This place is quiet because everyone is over at the L Shack.

  14. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    1,305
    Smackie09 ...oh hell yeah it is, I thought it was quiet my last visit but this is crazy quiet now...I haven't gone to another website, probs most who post in OTs here have not either but Snow and Jester, Glyc and Hoo may have? Idk.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Mellyann ... Yep, he knows and has seen his future so he is being cranky now expecting what will eventually be his fate. I hate when people keep backups, it actually ruins the current relationship because you are already one foot out the door.

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dollhouse For This Useful Post:


  16. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    346
    I haven't gone anywhere else.

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to Snow White For This Useful Post:


  18. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    61
    I'm not on any other relationship advice forums, why would anyone need to post on two duplicate type websites, anyhow? If this one goes down, oh well. I won't seek another out.

    @Dollhouse - I think you hit the nail on the head with that last comment. TBH, I now cannot stand being around the two of them and my niece says repeatedly she does not like him, but she also says she hates her real dad, so I thought it was just a thing she does but now I wonder.

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to mellyann For This Useful Post:


  20. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    4,987
    Quote Originally Posted by mellyann View Post
    Hi, Jester.
    She almost immediately replied that comment back, barely a breath between me speaking to her replying that and looking towards him when she said it, and I registered a what's going on here in my mind. I wouldn't say my sister is trustworthy but I honestly do not think she is physically cheating but cannot know if she is emotionally cheating with an online person as a place saver. Since this guy was a place saver/back up maybe that is where is paranoia stems? You lose them how you get them fear?
    Well, that wasn't my question, though. I was more asking how long ago was all the drama you mentioned? The stuff you mentioned about her being with him and some other guy at the same time.... then ultimately choosing the other guy over him.... only to later think it was a mistake and go back to him? How long ago did all that happen?

    Because if that was, like, a few months ago then I could absolutely understand him having trouble trusting her. If it was YEARS ago, then he should have gotten over it by now... unless she's continued to prove untrustworthy. Though, truth be told... if she HAS continued to prove untrustworthy, it would probably be better for him to end things. Why stay with somebody you can't trust?

    If it has been a while and she has remained trustworthy... then the problem is him. You can't continue to punish somebody for past crimes if they've moved past it. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't blame him if he can't get past it even if she IS trustworthy now... but if you can't then you are both better off just moving on.

    On a side note:

    I'm very much trying not to leave this site. But, it is looking more and more inevitable that I may have no choice. It's like I've said in other threads... I will and have put up with a lot. I'll power through all the spam bull crap and try to help keep this site afloat..... but when there suddenly starts to be basically NO activity... there's not much we can do there.

    Threads generally eventually reach a stopping point where people stop having any comments to add. If we aren't getting any new threads there will slowly be nothing left to talk about here. I may eventually have no choice but to go join the LoveShack.

  21. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to TheEvilJester For This Useful Post:


  22. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    2,174
    I've not gone to another website either, to echo others. Just was away and then sick.

    I recall you saying things about this? sister before, I don't think she knows how to have a successful relationship because she is probably way too self-involved invested and is always looking over the current guys shoulder for the next one. It wasn't right she made you feel like you did or said anything wrong in that situation. Does the almost? BIL ever privately talk to you? Are you close to him at all?
    “The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.”

  23. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lovebroken For This Useful Post:


  24. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    61
    TheEvilJester - Yes, they have been together, apart and in this country for a long time. But, never got married, he recently told another family member years ago they tried to have a baby, guess she was trying to trap him like she tried to trap 1st husband by getting parent because his parents were rich. But he has always known her backstory from others and the truth and ignored everyone on it, so atm I no longer feel sorry for him, he knew and ignored the warnings/signs.

    lovebroken - no, not close with him at all, he drove me over to theirs for Christmas last year and that's it, when dad died he didn't even call or send me a card of condolences. No, I am sure myself, aunt and cousin are 3 off-limits by my sister for him to privately chat with because we all know her secrets. LoL

  25. The Following User Says Thank You to mellyann For This Useful Post:


  26. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    849
    I think if someone is warned and people express care for the other person who is dating a family member and the family members know their sibling daughter, niece grandaughter, cousin the most and when a dating partner ignores the warnings I would say let him twist in the wind on this. He thought he knew best, and didn't and maybe thought he could change her and couldn't. Her relationship is her problems, I would just let them work it out or go separate ways. From what you last typed it doesn't sound like he cares too much about your feelings, so mirror that back.

  27. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to topazlight For This Useful Post:


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •