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Thread: Red flag?

  1. #1
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    Red flag?

    My sisters boyfriend, common-law ( not sure what he is???) I mentioned a guy she was roomies friends with years ago driving us all to a funeral and she promptly feels the need to tell him that guy was just a friend, no one she dated ( who cares, this guy was 8 years before she even met this current guy) Odd? JUST MAKING A THREAD BECAUSE NO NEW PEOPLE ARE JOINING.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mellyann View Post
    JUST MAKING A THREAD BECAUSE NO NEW PEOPLE ARE JOINING.
    So is that a real story, then, or did you just make it up to give us all something to do? LOL!

    Assuming this is an actual story where you really wanted opinions...

    I'll be honest. I don't think that is enough for us to really form a solid opinion. I DO agree that it is kind of weird she felt the need to interject that. Especially if she just volunteered the information out of nowhere and for no apparent reason. That would almost lead me to think he HAD been someone she dated.... or that she dated around A LOT but didn't want him to know that.

    Who knows? Neither of those things could be true... but when you say things like that out of nowhere, it often makes me think of Hamlet. "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." LOL!

    I don't know if it is a red flag, necessarily. At least not by itself, not unless there are other reasons for concern.

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  4. #3
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    We all should make second accounts and fill the website with new posts until it gets back to normal activity...

    Is your sister a gal who has cheated in the past? and this guy she is with knows it, or maybe he is very jealous and needs reassurance that it wasn't a man she had sex with it, just a friend. I think it could be a red flag that he is insecure and jealous.

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    I agree with dollhouse. That was the first thing that came to my mind...he is insecure and gets jealous when her past comes up. Also, if they are common law, they have been together for a while. Is this something you are just noticing?

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    Thank you for replying - TheEvilJester, dollhouse and SnowWhite.

    TheEvilJester - Yes, is a real topic, I wanted to make one, not about myself and that was something regarding my sister and her guy I found strange. I sat behind them, we were in their SUV at the time, I was in the back seat with my niece and I casually broke up a recollection from the past that applied to the current and she felt the need to explain away that the guy mentioned was ONLY a friend, the guy was also a friend to me and a common friend my sister and I have. Odd she felt the need to say that, was she worried, him jealous, something strange going on between them?

    dollhouse - Yes, she had this guy as her backup during her marriage, it was between this guy and other guy and she married other guy for WRONG reasons ( money -take care of her and that marriage exploded) and she clawed back to this guy so there is a weird history there. Other guy she was married to was jealous/possessive on other men as well. Wondering if okay here it starts again?

    Snow White - They have been off and on for several years, he was living overseas for most of it and recently moved to our country. They still seem to have no marriage plans though. Yes, I never noticed he was insecure before, so makes me wonder if my sister isn't up to old tricks and has a new back up in the wings incase this goes south too. I couldn't assess which was the issue, him or her because why'd she jump at saying so and so was only a friend, we never dated. Made me feel awkward. They were silent for several minutes after too.

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  10. #6
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    Oh, that is a good point, so thanks to dollhouse and Snow for that one. When somebody is so quick to interject information that seemingly otherwise didn't really need to be said, it is often hard not to think it is because of their own guilty conscience. But, that is true that it could maybe be her over-compensating for HIS over-inflated jealousy/paranoia.

    Though, given more of the story Mellyann has shared, I can kind of understand it if he had some trust issues with her. ...At least initially. Didn't you say it has been like 8 years? And that was 8 years before she met her current fella. How long has she been with the current guy? Because, given the details you shared (that she was kind of with him AND another guy and ultimately chose the other guy.... only to later regret it and go back to him when that failed) I cannot blame him AT ALL if he was a little reluctant to trust her..... AT FIRST.

    Because, no matter what she may have done in the past, if she continues to prove completely trustworthy now, then she doesn't deserve to continue to be punished for past crimes. ...On the other hand, if she has continued to prove she's NOT necessarily the most trustworthy partner... then that's a different story.

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  12. #7
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    Hi, Jester.
    She almost immediately replied that comment back, barely a breath between me speaking to her replying that and looking towards him when she said it, and I registered a what's going on here in my mind. I wouldn't say my sister is trustworthy but I honestly do not think she is physically cheating but cannot know if she is emotionally cheating with an online person as a place saver. Since this guy was a place saver/back up maybe that is where is paranoia stems? You lose them how you get them fear?

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    This place is quiet because everyone is over at the L Shack.

  14. #9
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    Smackie09 ...oh hell yeah it is, I thought it was quiet my last visit but this is crazy quiet now...I haven't gone to another website, probs most who post in OTs here have not either but Snow and Jester, Glyc and Hoo may have? Idk.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Mellyann ... Yep, he knows and has seen his future so he is being cranky now expecting what will eventually be his fate. I hate when people keep backups, it actually ruins the current relationship because you are already one foot out the door.

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    I haven't gone anywhere else.

  16. #11
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    I'm not on any other relationship advice forums, why would anyone need to post on two duplicate type websites, anyhow? If this one goes down, oh well. I won't seek another out.

    @Dollhouse - I think you hit the nail on the head with that last comment. TBH, I now cannot stand being around the two of them and my niece says repeatedly she does not like him, but she also says she hates her real dad, so I thought it was just a thing she does but now I wonder.

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