Need advice about my situation

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06-04-06, 03:14 PM
kestrelsi

Need advice about my situation

Hi-
I'm new here, but I wanted some unbiased opinions about my current situation.

So I'm a 25 yo grad student. One of my friends from high school, who also roomed with me during college, has a little sister who is 21. I actually didn't know her too well until about a year ago, when I got her IM screen name off another a friend and started talking to her. We mostly talked through IM, although once in a while we talked on the phone. Anyways, fast forward to a couple of weekends ago. She's currently at looking at places to work after college, and she came to visit this place near me (and visit me too :) ). Since we had started getting to know each other better, I've always had a bit of a thing for her, and I found out that weekend that she has a bit of a thing for me as well. That was a great weekend :D. Unfortunately, she found out that the place she was looking at wasn't so great, and unless they offer her a really good financial package (which is a slim probability as far as I can tell), she's not going to move here.

So what to do? On the one hand, it seems like this is a case of drop it and move on (unfortunately, in graduate school there doesn't seem to be much to move on to). Both of us have done the long distance thing, and neither of us were particularly happy with the experience (her in particular), and it doesn't seem that either of us will be close to the other any time soon. On the other hand, since we only spent a weekend together, there was also a lot left unsaid about our (potential?) relationship, and we really don't talk about it when we do talk to each other. Should I bring it up one day (and how exactly does a guy start talking about relationships without looking like a pansy)? Should I push to define this relationship more (at the risk that it will be defined as "friends only"), or should I back off and just wait for things to fall where they will (at the risk of it never happening)?

I don't know really how to proceed, since we've only skirted with the line between friends and lovers. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
06-04-06, 03:39 PM
daisy

Just don't rush! You need to talk about your relationship first and think about it very well!
06-04-06, 03:47 PM
confused01

hi dear
i just have soe questions
can you wait for thing to fall where ever they will. how long can u wait for?
what if her decision is to be just freinds only are you going to be sad or regret anything at least you'll know her feelings
i suggest talk about it since you said she kind of likes u that's a good sign, so talk about it and know what 's really going on if u wait u might get attached to her more and then if u decide to talk about it it'll be hard if the answer is (freinds only).
and i hope things will go the way you wish.
06-04-06, 11:47 PM
kestrelsi

Quote:

Originally Posted by confused01

hi dear
i just have soe questions
can you wait for thing to fall where ever they will. how long can u wait for?
what if her decision is to be just freinds only are you going to be sad or regret anything at least you'll know her feelings

Well, she's going to need to make a choice soon about where she's working. So, the situation is going to firm up in the near future, and I don't need to wait that long. That said, part of the frustration is knowing that this could work, and not really sure what I can do to make this work.
06-04-06, 11:55 PM
TAVS

I think it's just a headache for both of you. Let time lead you both where it will. If it becomes more convenient sometime; go fir it them.
07-04-06, 06:26 AM
kestrelsi

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAVS

I think it's just a headache for both of you. Let time lead you both where it will. If it becomes more convenient sometime; go fir it them.

So what should I do while I wait? I would like to have a relationship with this girl, but it is sounding like that I can't really count on this happening. Do you think there's any benefit to telling her how I feel?
07-04-06, 07:55 AM
confused01

do you feel like telling her, or do you want to wait?
07-04-06, 08:00 AM
confused01

i'm in the sae situation or maybe more complicated because i don't know his feelings towards me. to be honestt of me wants to tell him the other part wants to wait because i'm affraid to loose his freindship. at leats in your case you know both of you share the same feeling so i believe it's better to talk about it
07-04-06, 08:35 AM
kestrelsi

Quote:

Originally Posted by confused01

i'm in the sae situation or maybe more complicated because i don't know his feelings towards me. to be honestt of me wants to tell him the other part wants to wait because i'm affraid to loose his freindship. at leats in your case you know both of you share the same feeling so i believe it's better to talk about it

That's the same way I see it. And I'm not sure which tradeoff would work out better.
07-04-06, 08:57 AM
confused01

well i think wait till you see where is she going to end up working since you said it won't be that long and keep talking to her. but on the other way if you share your feelings with her she might move to where you live and work there because of you. right?
in my case we don't talk he is in a different country right now and he has no idea about my feelings and he won't be here till october, and i'm not sure should i wait or walk away and forget about it or tell him. because we are from different continents different backrground different cultur and religion, he is 9 YEARS OLDR THAN ME, and he thinks i'm still in a relationship with my ex, he asked me to dump him twice but i never understand why some of my freinds say that he just said so as a freind he didn't mean anything others said they noticed that they might be a big chance. he was closer to everyone not only me but my freind said she thinks he was closer to me more.
i sent him an email a week ago and yet no answer just a freindly email.
see i'm in a worse situation, and i don't know what to do either
i posted my story but no one answered me back with not even a welcome.
sorry if i share this with you but i needed to talk that's why
08-04-06, 01:02 AM
squirrley

My suggestion...I would let her know youre interested in dating in her. What exactly are you waiting for? Maybe by you telling her youre interested in her, it might very well pursuade her to look for work where you are! Hello, you will NEVER know unless you try and or ask! Tell her you want her to come over and hang out again, and see how it goes, then tell her!

IF you let it go you'll never know. I always say take the bull by the horns!
08-04-06, 11:22 AM
luvme4ever

Quote:

Originally Posted by kestrelsi

Unfortunately, she found out that the place she was looking at wasn't so great, and unless they offer her a really good financial package (which is a slim probability as far as I can tell), she's not going to move here.

does it really matter she doesnt live near you? i dont think thats a major prob in a relationship;)
08-04-06, 11:27 AM
luvme4ever

Quote:

Originally Posted by kestrelsi

So what should I do while I wait? I would like to have a relationship with this girl, but it is sounding like that I can't really count on this happening. Do you think there's any benefit to telling her how I feel?

better be honest with ur feelings for her...
10-04-06, 03:02 PM
kestrelsi

Thanks for all your advice. If anything good happens I'll be sure to let you all know :)