Help/advice needed, thanks!
Hi everyone.
As you all can see, i'm new here in this forum, and i have never done a thing like this before (seeking help on the internet) but i'm going through a really tough period atm, and i really don't know who to talk to.
I have a couple of problems relating to love, but also some that has to do with myself as a person... so prepare for a quite long read. :nerd:
To start out with the basics: my name is John, i'm a guy from Denmark who just recently turned 18, and i'm still going in college.
This is also where my problems originate; more precisely with 2 girls from my own class (not an easy point of departure to begin with!) whom i see everyday and generally spend a lot of time with. I don't feel like naming them in public (not that i fear anything, but still) so instead i'll just call them girl A and B.
I guess i could refer to them as my best "friends"; however our relation is much more complicated than that. But as said, i spend most of my time with them, mostly since theres only 4 guys in my class, and they're basically dicks (and i've got nothing in common with them).
Now, these girls have been my "best" friends for around a year now, and through that period MANY things have happened between us.
I think the easiest way of explaining is just to summon up my past with both girls:
Girl A: This girl is a really popular, sweet, cute, extremely happy and in all ways just a great girl. She's a year older than me and basically, we are quite different, but she's still the girl i spend most time with. When we became friends around a year ago, our relationship was quite light and easy; we would party a lot and have a lot of fun and she was just a very good friend, who helped me with some of the problems i had with girl B back then. I never had (or have) any feelings for her apart affection towards her as a friend.
Well, around 2-3 months into our "friendship", she quite suddenly broke up with the guy she had been together with for a couple of years, but i never thought of it as something special. However, quite quickly, our relationship changed as we "accidently" kissed at a couple of occasions (while beingdrunk). However on all occasions when we spoke of it afterwards, we just laughed at it and assured that we were just "friends", and we would stay that way. I remember her asking me if i felt anything for her, but i very gently told her no (afraid of hurting her in case she might have feelings for me) to which she responded that she was relieved, cause she had been afraid that i was in love with her while she was not. This was just before our summer break 7-8 months ago, and i thought i pretty much knew exactly where i "had" her, so to speak.
After that we both went on vacation for a couple of months where we only spoke on rare occasions. However, near the end of the break, we met up a couple of times, where we would sleep at each other's places and just have a great time. Now, the last night brought something i hadn't foreseen. While being at her place we got a little drunk, and we ended up (as stupid as it might sound) having sex. However nothing bad came of it (not straight away, at least), and the day after we "agreed" that it was just something we felt like; it didn't involve feelings. Maybe i was stupid for believing that, but she is a really charismatic girl, and she just told me quite plainly that she didn't want us to be anything else but friends, so yeah i did believe her.
Even after that we started seeing more of each other, and we also started having sex regularly. I know this might spark some comments about me being ignorant, but i really thought that we were just great friends who could have sex with eachother with no effects on our daily life.
So this was kinda how our relationship was for a really long time; privately we saw each other a lot and pretty much acted as though we were together (making out etc.) but i never developed feelings for her, and she told me that she didn't have any for me either.
Girl B: this girl i noticed from the very beginning of my time in college. The first 1½ years i never spoke with her much; she is kinda the shy type and not very outgoing, which kinda made me nervous while being around her, even though i felt a physical attraction towards her. Now, this gradually build up to a point where i could say that i was in love with her, while actually not knowing her very well. I wanted to change that, so i started talking to her more and hung out with her and her friends, trying to get her attention, make her laugh, and getting her accustomed to me in hopes of getting together with her. It didn't go quite as well as i had hoped though; we started becoming "friends" (even though i was in love with her) and i knew that my feelings weren't mutual. However, being the stubborn guy i am, i did everything for this to change. I must've acted wery weird seen from her perspective. She didn't really have a clue i was in love with her, and i would allways try to make her laugh and get her attention, but still kinda make my distance to her, since i still got quite nervous around her.
Now, a point came where i just decided to go for it, and i told her how i felt, pretty much prepared to be let down, which was exactly what happened. She liked me as a friend, but nothing more.
Okay, this is getting long, so i'll try just to sketch what happened after that:
Me and girl B started just being together as friends (though i still loved her and still tried to make her love me), until a day on our schooltrip, where we actually got together for a couple of nights. We kissed, nothing more, but i was really happy because i thought i had "succeeded", but i turned out (again) to be wrong. She really like me, but her feelings were too mixed to start a serious relationship.
So i told her that i couldn't be around her anymore.
This is also around the time i started really going out with girl A, and those two girls ended up being best friends, which kinda led to a weird situation for me when i were with them both (I hung out a lot with girl A, but i just had a lot of skeletons in the closet regarding girl B).
After the summerbreak, i felt that i didn't have any real feelings for girl B anymore, so i told her that i really would like to hang out with her again, and this actually turned out really well - suddenly, me, Girl A & B would hang out pretty much all the time as "friends", and i felt that everything was good again. Up until now...
See, this is where i need advice.
Recently (well actually a couple of months ago) girl A told me that she was in love with me and had been since we started making out a long time ago. As a major mistake, we talked about it at a party where i was really drunk and she wasn't, which meant that i really didn't have a clue and i ended up hurting her really bad. To make it worse, the same thing happened new years eve, where i said some extremely stupid things because i was drunk (yes, bad excuse i know, but it's the only one i've got...).
To make it all even more bad, my feelings toward girl B has resurfaced, even though i've done my best to supress them. And as stupid as i am, this is what i told girl A New Years Eve.
I am certain of my feelings toward girl B. I'm also pretty sure that her feelings toward me have changed.
As for girl A, before i hurt her, we agreed to go on a trip to Japan for a couple of months after college. Now, she STILL wants to go, even more badly than before, and she is really intent on the fact that only me and her go.
It is quite clear to me that she hopes we will get together, but i also know that it won't happen. So therefore, i'm not sure travelling with her for 1-2 months straight would be a good idea, but i know that i would really hurt her if i said no - she constantly speaks of it and tells me how much she is looking forward to it.
So... what am i to do about the whole situation?
My two best friends are the exact friends that this is all about, so i can't really talk to them about it. I really am not interested in speaking with my parents about it (the very thought gives me the chills) and i just don't see myself explaining the whole thing to my other non-girl friends, i know i never would get anything sensible out of them :)
But what should i do with girl A? I'm really confused, and no matter what i do i will pretty surely hurt someone. If i tell her yes, i'll travel with you, i'll hurt girl B because she also wants to go, but girl A has told her no. But if i say no, i would hurt girl A really badly.
And the same goes with girl B. Should i tell her how i feel, or just ignore it?
I know this has been a long post, and i thank you for reading it. I would really like some advice, so please... if you have anything....
I don't think theres anymore worth mentioning now.
Well, except the fact that i am a quite unsure person; i have a lot of doubts in myself and my action, which means that i quite easily get nervous, inconfident, sad or jealous. But this is a whole other matter...
Well, thanks for reading, looking forward to hearing from you...
John
(btw, excuse me if i might have left some spelling/grammatical mistakes, but english isn't my native language ;))
