Help - Relationship has stalled and is quickly regressing
Hi everyone,
I’m new to the forum and found the site by searching for answers. Any and all suggestions would be awesome because I feel stuck and really want to make things work.
Background: Both my girlfriend and I are approaching 30, both divorced and she has a 7 year old. We have been dating for a little over 2 years. We are both gainfully employed, successful and own our own homes. Little issues began about a year ago and now it seems as though our relationship has completely stalled.
I met my girlfriend a little over 2 years ago and we began dating fairly seriously almost immediately. We had both ended our previous marriages a few years prior to our meeting and were in good places in our lives to begin a serious relationship. I was initially drawn to her drive, intelligence and beauty. For the first year, everything was great. We had nights out, talked about our goals and ambitions, laughed (a lot) and the sex life was incredible.
The beginning of the second year of our relationship brought countless changes. I left my previous job to start a small business, she bought a house, started a business, started a non-profit foundation and her child started kindergarten. It has taken roughly a full year for my business to start to turn a profit which has caused my stress levels to be through the roof. Her day job is very demanding due to the current economy and her multiple additional projects have also been very stressful on her. When her child started school she changed the visitation arrangements with her ex so that her child only sees her ex every other weekend and for a few hours a night once a week. This was done to keep some consistency in her child’s life during the first few years of school. I would like to think that I have a good relationship with her child as we hang out quite a bit.
It was at the beginning of the second year of our relationship that I started to notice changes. We have gone from being a dating couple to being business partners. We would send each other the cute little text messages through out the day, now it seems that it is just a cordial formality in the morning to say good morning and ask how the day is going later in the day. We would have fun conversations that were great and now our talks feel out of place outside of the conference room. Like I said, business partners. I thought that our sex life was great. Weekends were spent half dressed at most. Now it only happens when her child is spending the weekend with her ex and she seems to be involved physically, but mentally very distant. Within a few months of the changes beginning, I brought up the fact that I noticed the change and we have spoken about this now every few months for the past year. The talks have increased in both frequency and intensity over the past two months. With all of the talks that we have had, not much has changed aside from our frustrations. Starting at the beginning of the month we have been having a date night on the one night a week her child sees her ex but that only lasts an hour and a half before she needs to get home before her ex gets to her house. It has been going well, but it’s only been 2 weeks.
I know that our stress levels will either diminish or we will become better at dealing with the stress. She has admitted that she has noticed her lowered libido and is trying to get help with that although I have a feeling that it is psychological and not hormonal. I think one of the reasons for the decrease in sex is that her child is a light sleeper and we were caught a few times during the first year. One solution to the problem that was brought up by her is that it would increase if we were married and not dating. I am sure that it would partially increase, but although I can see myself with her, I will not pop the question until our issues have been resolved. I know from experience that rings don’t solve problems.
So here I am, asking for some suggestions on how to stoke the fire. How can I keep the friendship that we have grown yet get the woman I originally fell in love with back. If I could have them both I wouldn’t be here, would instead be planning a wedding.
Thanks.
