boyfriend upset i want to meet my male friend of 9 years
Hi, this is my first time on the forum. My boyfriend and I have had a rough 2 years. We dated for nearly 10 months, and in that time we both made mistakes. After 6 months of dating other people, we decided to put the past behind us. All good in theory, but as you can imagine, the issues keep coming up. If you would like me to go into more detail about this, I could, but to do that would be against what we’re trying to achieve. I have a male friend from highschool that I meet up with every 1-2 years. We did go out once, for a couple of weeks, after highschool finished at the end of 2002. We kissed, didn’t have sex. Every time we’ve met up, it’s been purely platonic, although I often felt the conversation was lacking any true sense of openness. I’ve always wanted to gain closure with this particular person. Last Wednesday me and my boyfriend broke up in a fight, and my friend happened to text me on that day and ask if I wanted to meet up, and I agreed. I would not say that I did it out of anger, more out of a need to keep my own identity, as my boyfriend is one of the only people in my life. Me and my boyfriend got back together the next day. I have cancelled so many times on this friend from high school – one of which times was when I was with this same boyfriend, over a year ago. I had always regretted doing this, just to avoid hurting his feelings. Especially after he had been trying to hook up with girls on the internet, seeing his ex behind my back several times and on the same day, and stealing my dog twice and telling the police it was his dog, and pounding on my windows to get me to listen, and lying to me, frightening me so much that I ended up in hospital twice. I said I wouldn't say it, and I truly do think that it needs to be left behind, because he hasn't done anything like that since, apart from lying a little here and there - but nothing as serious. But just in case you thought it was something else. This time around, I am aware of his feelings, I tend to always feel a lot of guilt and be very caring of others. To him, if I truly cared about his feelings, I would just cancel on this person. To me, this situation is worth the amount of stress that our relationship is going through, because if I didn’t, it would be to go against something I feel I must do. I have no bad intentions, however my boyfriend insists that other guys cannot be trusted, as in the past a lot of my male friends have eventually cracked onto me sooner or later. A couple of my male friends have not, but this doesn’t assure him much. I don’t think he’s being unreasonable, but I think we’ve been through a lot and are very fragile at the moment. I am also beginning to learn that I should not sacrifice so much of myself for another person, because then I become unhealthy. Trust should be present in the relationship, and I feel that a positive outcome with this experience might mend it a little. How do I talk to him, without him breaking up with me or being very hurt, or taking out his revenge by doing something similar? What should I do? Am I missing something? I have already offered for him to come along, or drop me off and pick me up, and have asked if having a lunchtime meet-up is better than a dinner, but he says that he doesn't know if that will make a difference or not.
I can provide more information if anyone needs.
Thank you so much for reading.
