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Getting over SO's past
Hey guys ...
My gf of about six months has had quite the sexual past. She has admitted to dating 15 guys over a two and a half year period, after her divorce, and has said that for the past five years, she has had "quite a bit of one-night-stands".
I have a very limited sexual past, under 10, but just over 5 and I have never had a one-night-stand, and honestly do not think that I ever could because it is not just "sex" for me, it is two people in love, in a comitted relationship, etc.
I have posted about trying to deal with her past and I have read several, several posts about the same thing and what people are experiencing and try to do to get over the issues.
I always remind myself, "it is in the past, leave it there", or, "that was her then, as long as she is not that way now, that is all that matters", etc.
I really want this relationship to work as we both love each other very much and have lots of fun together, but I find that this eats at the back of my brain, daily. Honestly, sometimes, I almost get physically ill thinking of making love/having sex with her, knowing all of the things she has done and the guys she has been with. If it eats at me so much now, I can certainly see how it will eventually "come to a head" and be a BIG issue for me later on, which may ruin everything we have.
So, my question is, how did you get over your partner's past? What suggestions can you pass along?
Thank you!
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sleep with more people than your partner. Problem solved.
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I know how you feel....Because it's more than just about it being in her past - it's what made her who she is...it has made her more experienced and perhaps deep down you feel like you missed out on a lot of the things she has done.
I have gotten over my boyfriend's past by simply being with him and being the best girlfriend he's ever had. He says I'm the best he's ever been with - despite that he's slept with much more ppl than I have. It's a frame of mind that you have to think about...Is she faithful to you now? does she speak of her past often? You might need to talk to her and ask her what her intentions are with you in the long run. Maybe you feel so inadequate that you think someday she'll leave you because you're not "exciting" enough for her.
Over the course of time, you need to feel this out and see if your sour feeling subsides and then all you can do is think about how LUCKY you are to be with her, now instead of her being with all those guys.
If the relationship is strong enough, the both of you will discuss not bringing the past into your conversations and you can tell her this problem and if she doesn't care and thinks it's no big deal, then she's rubbed it in your face and she's not the one you should be with.
Good luck!
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Pokes, I had the same problem but my GF doesnt sound like she's dated as many guys as yours. My GF has been married 3 times and 2 out of those 3 times she's cheated on her husband. She was married when I started seeing her but we didnt actually do anything till her divorce was final but it still caused some issues for me.
At any rate it was her past was a little bit more than I could handle and like you it was constantly eating me up. I kept thinking that at any given time she'd tell me she went out with someone else so I just ended the relationship. It hurt's like a mo-fo but I knew as long as I was with her I couldn't completely trust her and without trust in a relationship you've got nothing.
My advice to you is to move on and find someone who doesnt have such a shady past
Luck