I don't know why I am uneasy

Printable View

20-07-09, 01:42 PM
spitfyre337

I don't know why I am uneasy

Hi this is my first post, i just registered, I'm desparate for help and dont know who to ask, so here i am. I took a look through the archives as recommended but I havent found anything that answers my problem.

Here's the backstory:

my girlfriend and i have been together for 6 months now. I'm 18 and she's 17. we get along great, spend lots of time together, and when we dont we're chatting on the phone.

when i met her, her ex-boyfriend was harrassing her constantly at school. I had a reputation for being the big, nice guy who helped those who needed it, so she came to me. I had done it before, so i figured this was no different. I was still with my ex-boyfriend at this point, but we had been fighting nonstop for the last month and i was getting ready to dump him. my (now) girlfriend wanted help dealing with her ex-boyfriend but also made it clear (with body language and plenty of flirting) that she had an interest in me.

to make things seem more dramatic her father did not allow her to go out or hangout with anyone that does not have a clean CORI check (my gf has had a bad past), so she basically had no friends outside of school, and didnt go anywhere besides school or work. so i volunteered unwittingly to submit to a CORI and be her designated liason to the outside world.

soon after that, i broke up with my boyfriend, and a few days later, hooked up with this girl. i treated it simply as a hook up. i was just out of a sour relationship and wanted to do something fun. coincidentally she felt the same way. however, after a few weeks it was clear that we really liked each other, and started dating.

the fact that our relationship started on the basis of me being her knight in shining armor is probably the biggest mistake i've made with her. since we started dating she has had a number of emotional breakdowns (in my arms) regarding her past and the stresses of her current existence (which are numerous). i call myself her boyfriend but often feel like a therapist. sometimes i wonder (as im driving to pick her up for a date) what new tragedy has befallen her that i need to console her about.

yet i care about her alot, my past wasnt very easy either, and with that common history we find our being together justified. "we support each other, and need each other" is one thing ive said to her. we have confessed love to each other, we do so 50 times a day. she bought me a 600 dollar promise ring three months ago! i wear it whenever i can. we both want to stay committed to each other forever.

we both have anger issues, and are both quite aware of it. we fight very rarely and when we do we try to avoid pushing each other's buttons. i try to keep continuous communication between us and remind her that "we cant keep secrets from each other. secrets are what destroys relationships". through either that mentality, or just good luck, we've managed to stay together this long, which is a record for me.

we are both quite physically attracted to each other. amor is plentiful and easily acquired.

but for some reason i still have this uneasy feeling in the back of my head. my best friend and coworkers think i havent dated around enough to be satisfied that i've trawled the whole ocean for the perfect catch.

yet i know couples who have been together for years, and are totally into each other without looking back.

i tell myself its all in my head, i've second guessed myself my whole life and this isnt any different. i'm afraid to act on it in case i am wrong, but that doesnt quell the uneasy feeling. i have something perfectly good going that i shouldnt let my subconcious ruin. right? i dont know! that is why im spending over an hour writing all this down. i dont want to destory something good, but at the same time i dont know if my feeling is justified or just a figment of my overactive and worrisome imagination. im not even completely sure why i am uneasy. the fact that i cant identify it worries me even more. i hope someone here can help.

as for the background info, too much? too little? not relevant? feel free to grill me
20-07-09, 02:28 PM
valkyrie4896

I hope you are not bi, dude.

Anyway, it's good that you are able to provide her emotional support during the hard times, and if you are totally into her, and you are able to identify it as real love instead of infatuation, or shiny armor knight syndrome thing, and you are happy to be together and tolerating each others anger issues, then I dont see why you cant be with her.
20-07-09, 07:18 PM
lizzy_09

Quote:

Originally Posted by spitfyre337 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

when i met her, her ex-boyfriend was harrassing her constantly at school. I had a reputation for being the big, nice guy who helped those who needed it, so she came to me. I had done it before, so i figured this was no different. I was still with my ex-boyfriend at this point, but we had been fighting nonstop for the last month and i was getting ready to dump him. my (now) girlfriend wanted help dealing with her ex-boyfriend but also made it clear (with body language and plenty of flirting) that she had an interest in me.

I was kind of wondering myself to valkyrie4896. spitfyre337, are by any chance bi? Just want to clear this out so that I could give you my point of view with regards to your situation with your gal.

It is good to know that your being supportive to her. But you must make sure that you know yourself better first before you try to understand what you want out of this relationship with her.
20-07-09, 11:46 PM
spitfyre337

yes, i am bi.
21-07-09, 01:41 AM
Gigabitch

Jaysus, people. He made that abundantly clear. Don't be hatin'. Being bi has nothing to do with it.

Anyway, spitfyre, you should never dismiss your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, then it's not right. I've found this to be true too many times to think otherwise.

I agree with others that you're too young and inexperienced to determine what you'll be doing and who you'll be doing it with FOREVER. That's a long time. The likelihood of you staying with your gf for even two years at your age is pretty slim, and it's nothing to do with being uncommitted, it's just how life is.

Unfortunately, this always seems like the most dire thing when you're a teenager. Hell, I moved to Colorado for my senior year of high school so I wouldn't have to be parted with my boyfriend. That lasted about six months. We though it would be FOREVER.

You're young. There's nothing at all wrong with not wanting to settle down yet. In fact, settling down with someone at 18 and not looking back is unnatural and weird. This doesn't make you a bad guy, just a young guy.
21-07-09, 10:41 AM
spitfyre337

then i guess all i can say is i cant wait to grow up. thanks for the input
21-07-09, 03:04 PM
lizzy_09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Jaysus, people. He made that abundantly clear. Don't be hatin'. Being bi has nothing to do with it.

Sorry about that but I'm a little bit slow in understanding. I got totally confused if he's a he or she.

Your right, were not talking about him being bi. Were discussing about his relationship. I was just trying to understand the circumstances better and merely looking for various perspectives on the subject; I'm not looking to challenge anyone's opinion.
22-07-09, 01:21 AM
Gigabitch

Quote:

Originally Posted by spitfyre337 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

then i guess all i can say is i cant wait to grow up. thanks for the input

Don't be in a hurry! Enjoy your youth. Just don't get backed into a corner by some girl who wants to put a ring on your finger.
22-07-09, 01:43 PM
spitfyre337

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Don't be in a hurry! Enjoy your youth. Just don't get backed into a corner by some girl who wants to put a ring on your finger.

this warrants me to say that even as a little kid, i hated being a little kid. i have never felt like my actual age was appropriate for me. so i cant possibly grow up fast enough, at least in my mind.

whether real or imagined by both parties, our attraction for each other is mutual. so if it's possible for us to both back into a corner, thats what is more likely to happen.
22-07-09, 01:54 PM
spitfyre337

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bolacool [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I can't say that I blame you though, for I am emotionally attached to people I helped too. [...] Thank God, this had not happened. You are both young, enjoy yourself while the glow is still there and see where it will all lead to.

in my case, the emotional attachment came after the initial reason to "help", which was evidenced by the fact that she had a clear interest in me from the start. sometimes im not sure if the desired assistance was a ploy for her to snag me, which clearly worked, or it was simply coincidence.

in the past, helping other friends, they were simply friends, and the only emotional response i had was empathy and sympathy for them.