were on break and im confused as to whats going on
Hello all,
I love my girl friend very much, we have been together for almost three years now. I want to marry this woman and spend the rest of my life with her and for a time, the longest time, she felt the same about me.
In the beginning when we first met things were great. She ended up transferring to another school in another state. Things were hard, but we got through it alright enough. She then transfers to another school which is in the same state in which I am in. There is much rejoicing and we were both very happy for a time. Then it starts.... She tells me Ive changed. I dont call her as much as I used to, once a day every day for several hours, and I am unable to visit her as often as she likes for the fact that I do not own a car, I cant afford it right now. She now tells me I dont give her enough attention and that I dont love her as much as I used to. We fight over this for the longest time. Im not mad at her I just want her to understand that its not my fault, she seems to be very frustrated, lonely, and wont listen to how I feel. Often I would mention in passing that I might be able to see her the following weekend and more than often something would come up which would prevent me from seeing her. She would get mad and tell me how I promised I would see her, but I never promised anything and I start to really feel she isnt listening to anything I say. I was always just as upset about not seeing her as she was, but I never blamed it on any one. She always blamed it on me. "what ever, things wont always be this hard" I used to think to myself. I wont always be in such position.
Recently She has posted extremely provocative pictures on facebook, a shit storm ensues. I tell her to take them off the internet. All of the people I know and love are judging her and labeling her as a whore, I had friends and family tell me in private "Is she cheating on you?". So I tell her flat out how she looks and what people have been saying, she starts crying and says that I called her a slut, once again she totally missed what I was saying. We break up. We talk and she takes the images off face book. We get back togther. Things are going less than okay, she constantly reminds me of my failings as a boy friend and how I called her a whore, real fun stuff. Weeks go by and for some reason she decides to post the same photos on face book. At this point I dont understand her anymore. We fight about it and she acts like I shouldnt have a problem with it, but I do. I really dont enjoy seeing the person I love more than half naked on the internet. Hell maybe its an attention thing, perhaps Im just not enough any more?
We break up for about two weeks, it was a real break up no more fooling around. She calls my mother and invites her to see her compete at a track meet. My mother drags me along, she doesnt know we broke up and I still dont feel like telling any one that we have. When we get to the track meet we say hello and she introduces me to all of her friends as her boy friend. We talk about our relationship and it seems like maybe she just needed space or somthing. Later that night I call her and she says that she doesnt want me and she wished she never met me and some other things. I tell her how I love her, because I do. I really do love this girl. She wont have any of it and she still wants to fight and eventually I give in and call her stupid, I can only take so much abuse, I was so tired fighting. Over the following weeks we talk every now and then, things seem to be getting better. She keeps reminding me how I called her a whore, stupid, and all the other things Ive ever done wrong. She says she wants to take a break. I am really resistant to this. Ive never seen a relationship go through a break in one piece. We agree to seeing other people and in a month we would talk things over once again to see how each other feel.
I call her every now and then to tell her how I feel and to make sure she is fine with seeing other people. She cant tell me that she loves me or that she misses me. When I tell her these things she is silent. During the first week of our break I decide to go on a date with some one, to see what it is like. It has been a long time since I have dated another woman, I wanted to see what I had been missing. I end up kissing the girl, not for the fact that I wanted to, but because I wanted to see what it was like kissing another woman who wasnt my girl friend.
I think kissing that girl really opened my eyes and made me realize just how important my girlfriend is to me. I called her the next day and we talked and talked and talked. Things were going great. She asked me if I had seen anyone and I told her everything. She tells me I cheated on her and asked if I had ever cheated on her before. I remind her we were on break and she said she was okay with this. Honestly I was happy to hear her being upset, I had not hear her say that she loves or misses me for a month now. Just to know that she still cared felt good. I tried to explain to her how I felt and she just told me the relationship was going no where and she definitely not giving me a second chance.
Ive write her emails telling her Im sorry and that I want to change to make her happy. I call her all the time. She never picks up the phone and wont respond to my messages. She has never done this before, Im not sure what to do.
