were on break and im confused as to whats going on

[theonlynameleft]

Hello all,

I love my girl friend very much, we have been together for almost three years now. I want to marry this woman and spend the rest of my life with her and for a time, the longest time, she felt the same about me.

In the beginning when we first met things were great. She ended up transferring to another school in another state. Things were hard, but we got through it alright enough. She then transfers to another school which is in the same state in which I am in. There is much rejoicing and we were both very happy for a time. Then it starts.... She tells me Ive changed. I dont call her as much as I used to, once a day every day for several hours, and I am unable to visit her as often as she likes for the fact that I do not own a car, I cant afford it right now. She now tells me I dont give her enough attention and that I dont love her as much as I used to. We fight over this for the longest time. Im not mad at her I just want her to understand that its not my fault, she seems to be very frustrated, lonely, and wont listen to how I feel. Often I would mention in passing that I might be able to see her the following weekend and more than often something would come up which would prevent me from seeing her. She would get mad and tell me how I promised I would see her, but I never promised anything and I start to really feel she isnt listening to anything I say. I was always just as upset about not seeing her as she was, but I never blamed it on any one. She always blamed it on me. "what ever, things wont always be this hard" I used to think to myself. I wont always be in such position.

Recently She has posted extremely provocative pictures on facebook, a shit storm ensues. I tell her to take them off the internet. All of the people I know and love are judging her and labeling her as a whore, I had friends and family tell me in private "Is she cheating on you?". So I tell her flat out how she looks and what people have been saying, she starts crying and says that I called her a slut, once again she totally missed what I was saying. We break up. We talk and she takes the images off face book. We get back togther. Things are going less than okay, she constantly reminds me of my failings as a boy friend and how I called her a whore, real fun stuff. Weeks go by and for some reason she decides to post the same photos on face book. At this point I dont understand her anymore. We fight about it and she acts like I shouldnt have a problem with it, but I do. I really dont enjoy seeing the person I love more than half naked on the internet. Hell maybe its an attention thing, perhaps Im just not enough any more?

We break up for about two weeks, it was a real break up no more fooling around. She calls my mother and invites her to see her compete at a track meet. My mother drags me along, she doesnt know we broke up and I still dont feel like telling any one that we have. When we get to the track meet we say hello and she introduces me to all of her friends as her boy friend. We talk about our relationship and it seems like maybe she just needed space or somthing. Later that night I call her and she says that she doesnt want me and she wished she never met me and some other things. I tell her how I love her, because I do. I really do love this girl. She wont have any of it and she still wants to fight and eventually I give in and call her stupid, I can only take so much abuse, I was so tired fighting. Over the following weeks we talk every now and then, things seem to be getting better. She keeps reminding me how I called her a whore, stupid, and all the other things Ive ever done wrong. She says she wants to take a break. I am really resistant to this. Ive never seen a relationship go through a break in one piece. We agree to seeing other people and in a month we would talk things over once again to see how each other feel.

I call her every now and then to tell her how I feel and to make sure she is fine with seeing other people. She cant tell me that she loves me or that she misses me. When I tell her these things she is silent. During the first week of our break I decide to go on a date with some one, to see what it is like. It has been a long time since I have dated another woman, I wanted to see what I had been missing. I end up kissing the girl, not for the fact that I wanted to, but because I wanted to see what it was like kissing another woman who wasnt my girl friend.

I think kissing that girl really opened my eyes and made me realize just how important my girlfriend is to me. I called her the next day and we talked and talked and talked. Things were going great. She asked me if I had seen anyone and I told her everything. She tells me I cheated on her and asked if I had ever cheated on her before. I remind her we were on break and she said she was okay with this. Honestly I was happy to hear her being upset, I had not hear her say that she loves or misses me for a month now. Just to know that she still cared felt good. I tried to explain to her how I felt and she just told me the relationship was going no where and she definitely not giving me a second chance.

Ive write her emails telling her Im sorry and that I want to change to make her happy. I call her all the time. She never picks up the phone and wont respond to my messages. She has never done this before, Im not sure what to do.

[sarah2]

Sorry you're going through this. It seems like she kind of got tired of you ignoring her, like by saying you would go see her and then not go...when you do these things to someone for a while the love kind of goes away little by little. She wanted attention from you and you wouldn't give it to her..she wanted to feel that you cared and loved her enough to go see her more often, etc. It sucks that things like this have to happen for people to realize how important it is to feed your relationship every day. She probably posted those pictures on facebook to get your attention- I don't know what you can do but if you care as much as you say you do go see her and tell her how you feel. Stop doing it over the phone/emails, etc.

[theonlynameleft]

Sorry you're going through this. It seems like she kind of got tired of you ignoring her, like by saying you would go see her and then not go...when you do these things to someone for a while the love kind of goes away little by little. She wanted attention from you and you wouldn't give it to her..she wanted to feel that you cared and loved her enough to go see her more often, etc. It sucks that things like this have to happen for people to realize how important it is to feed your relationship every day. She probably posted those pictures on facebook to get your attention- I don't know what you can do but if you care as much as you say you do go see her and tell her how you feel. Stop doing it over the phone/emails, etc.

Thank you for your thoughts Sarah and I know you don't have the full picture, but it was not as if I had been ignoring her. It is not as simple as me promising that I could come and see her and then simply not doing so. As I don't have any way of coming to see her I relied on other people for rides, she understood this and was also in the same predicament. So when things came up for me, the girl friend, or more importantly my ride I wouldn't be able to make the trip. Also I find it pretty ****ed up and one sided as that you have decided it is my fault that we have broken up. I have always felt that a relationship is between two people, not just one, and one person can not bear all the weight. She would rarely call me (were talking once every two months) and she came to visit me just once in the past year. There was an extreme lack of effort on her part. All the phone calls and visits were left to me. I did not mistreat this girl by denying her any affection or attention, you've got it wrong. I would never turn down a chance to see her. I am planning to go and see her soon, as you have suggested, and I wonder now how things will go.

[girl68]

I think you both need to grow up- seperately.

Sometimes even with love it can't work. She wants what you cannot provide. It doesn't matter the reasons you can't- it really doesn't at the end of the day. You're not giving what she needs. But it's not all your fault. She brings some major falls too. She's not putting in her effort/ not listening to you.

So I really do think you need to break up. There will be MANY girls to come. One date, isn't going to cut it when you're hung up on your ex.