Girlfriend obsessed with past sexual experiences ... :(

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05-06-11, 12:20 AM
hahalol

Girlfriend obsessed with past sexual experiences ... :(

Long story short, my girlfriend is obsessed with my past. I slept with five girls before I met my girlfriend, none of whom I was in a relationship with. I'm not friends with them anymore, I deleted their phone numbers, and I blocked them on Facebook. It's actually kind of unfortunate because I was somewhat of a friend to one of the girls, but my girlfriend was so increasingly upset about her that I just decided to cease our communication. But whatever. Anything to just keep my girlfriend from being upset.

Unfortunately, this has not helped. She gets upset about these girls constantly, and says she pictures me having sex with them all the time. She insists that she's "just like the rest" and that I see nothing special in her at all. I assure her this is not the case, which is why all these girls were drunken one-night stands and why she is my girlfriend of 7 months. I tell her all the time how special and different everything is with her... But this does little to placate her.

She gets drunk and yells at me for sleeping with these girls. She insults me and asks how I could be so disgusting. If we are with a group of friends and they are brought up (we have mutual friends with one girl in particular), my girlfriend gets extremely upset and the night is over. If we were to ever run into one of them at a party or in public - dear God! We almost ended up at the same club as one of them the other night, and when my girlfriend heard she would be there, she almost had a nervous breakdown. I'm at a complete loss for what to do.

She tells me to just be patient, that it's her own personal issue and that it will go away. So I'm trying. I love my girlfriend dearly and I want her to get over this issue.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this problem. Will it ever go away? How long from now? Is there anything I can do, besides be patient? I love my girlfriend, but it gets frustrating being yelled at constantly for things that are out of my control. For things I did before I met her. I feel like all I can ever do is apologize... Even though I'm not really sorry, because like I said, I didn't know her at the time.

I'm stumped. Any advice?
05-06-11, 01:18 AM
HeartIsAching

Your girlfriend is right in that it's her personal issue to resolve. It is... she's got some insecurity issues, and it's going to cause her to be jealous and suspicious. Some counseling might be in order.
05-06-11, 01:37 AM
hello1

I was like your girlfriend was in the past but worse as my boyfriend had two serious relationships before me but had slept with 4 women.

All I can say, is that in her head it is torture. She knows it makes no sense she gets angry over it, that it upsets her but she cannot help it. For me it was the more the emotional side than the sexuial that made me upset, but for your girlfriend she only has the sexual to go on. The fact is she wants feel the most special person in your life, she wants to know that they meant nothing too you and she the most important thing to ever happen too you.

Is this her first relationship? my bf is my first and I am sure if we broke up, I wouldn't be a mental wreck with the next guy I was with as I now had a past too and could understand things happen.

I say give her time, just keep reasuring her but if she doesn't stop then I say she properly does need help of some sort. As I can imagine what its like in her mind at the moment.
05-06-11, 02:05 AM
Wakeup

How much more time does she need to work through her personal issue? How much more do you need to reassure her? You need to quit enabling her bullshit and tell her that you're not going to discuss it anymore with her. You're with her, they were in the past and they mean nothing to you now and you're not going to entertain her pathological insecurities about it any longer. Then you tell her if she wants to make this relationship last that she go see a therapist for her obsession and talk it out with him/her because you can't fix her.

Sound harsh? Well she needs some tuff love or your relationship will end soon.
05-06-11, 02:34 AM
Gratedwasabi

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How much more time does she need to work through her personal issue? How much more do you need to reassure her? You need to quit enabling her bullshit and tell her that you're not going to discuss it anymore with her. You're with her, they were in the past and they mean nothing to you now and you're not going to entertain her pathological insecurities about it any longer. Then you tell her if she wants to make this relationship last that she go see a therapist for her obsession and talk it out with him/her because you can't fix her.

Sound harsh? Well she needs some tuff love or your relationship will end soon.

This. You NEED to slap her in the face (er... metaphorically) to break her out of the habit. You are enabling it by allowing it. The next time she gets disrespectful you need to go "Look. I've explained that it's the past and you're my present, period. I refuse to let you insult and antagonize me about things that happened before I even met you. Call me when you grow up, but not before then." and leave.
05-06-11, 07:16 AM
BackUpOrGetStng

Time to break it off. This behavior is a sign of what is to come. I doubt she'll get over this because it is a very convenient tool to get you to do what she wants. Even if she does get over this, she will continually try to control you in other ways.
05-06-11, 08:43 AM
doppelgaenger

I think you should break up with her.
05-06-11, 09:16 AM
pisces25

She tells me to just be patient, that it's her own personal issue and that it will go away

They won't just 'go away'.
05-06-11, 09:31 AM
Junket

Everybody else here is right.
05-06-11, 10:03 AM
surfhb

Yep! This is her personality and she will, most likely, never change.
05-06-11, 11:13 AM
Red Apollo

I had this exact problem, and it never went away. In fact, it got progressively worse as time went on. It got to the point where she would accuse me of thinking of my past girlfriends sexually for absolutely no reason. I also fell victim to enabling her. I deleted old myspace comments, old pictures etc. Just because she was so insecure about it. I think it just made it worse, because she just seemed to go further and further. Eventually, I had to draw the line when she asked me to cease contact with the only one I still talked to. The girl was a childhood friend I had known forever, and we were actually really good friends, so naturally I refused. The jealousy continued until we eventually broke up. And she even texted me six months after the break up and asked me why she wasn't as good as the others. Funny enough, I actually lived with her and had stayed with her far longer than any of my other relationships had lasted.

I really doubt it will ever get better. It definitely wont without outside help. If you really want to be with her, ask her to get help. If she refuses, I'd walk away.
05-06-11, 04:20 PM
Boisdevie

Giving her time.
Being patient with her.

WILL NOT WORK. She has serious insecurity issues. Leave her as it's not going to get better.
06-06-11, 11:35 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

I really doubt it will ever get better. It definitely wont without outside help. If you really want to be with her, ask her to get help. If she refuses, I'd walk away.

This is probably your best bet, OP.