Need unbiased opinions on recent break-up all!
Hello all. I am new to these forums but I'd like to say, as a disclaimer, that I've been a member of another relationship advice site for many years and have come here for a completely unbiased opinion on my last relationship and its demise. So if this story sounds familiar to any other forum hoppers out there, that may be why. I will try to keep this as short as possible but more details certainly available upon request.
That said, here's the deal. Early last November, after five years of casual dating but no serious prospects, I was set up on a blind date with a friend's co-worker. I wasn't expecting much but we met for drinks and I was pleasantly surprised. He was in his early 30s, and I think it's noteworthy to say that he was not just passable in the looks department but very attractive, as in 6'2, nice body (athletic,) educated and in a respectable profession (we are in the same professional field, btw.) I was actually stunned by my luck and quite pleased when he e-mailed me later on asking if I'd have dinner with him the next week. During that second date, I became aware that he used certain phrases and mannerisms that one might call stereotypically feminine...obviously, not a red flag in the slightest but noticeable enough that I mentioned it to a few friends of mine as noteworthy. These traits would become apparent all throughout the relationship but I figured there are all kinds of people in the world and I'm not going to make assumptions. During the first month of dating he would e-mail me about once a week to make plans for our next date, and we'd see each other once a week. It was a nice, steady progression, though I sometimes wondered if it was unusual that he didn't really try to contact me in between dates at all. Still, it was only a month so I figured different strokes for different folks.
So time went on, and I noticed during our second month of dating that frequency of contact didn't really increase. I worried a little but he was still consistent so I went along with it. At one point, I asked him if he'd like me to come over to his apartment with a few beers and meet him before a dinner out since I hadn't yet seen his place. He said no, he'd prefer to meet me elsewhere. So I figured either he's old fashioned or he's married, but either way we were taking it slowly so I figured the truth would come out eventually. Things continued this way. He invited me to his company holiday party as his date and I finally stayed at his apartment for the first time that night. We did some serious making out but when I tried to take things further he told me I was too drunk. OK, fair enough. I stayed the night anyway. The next week he invited me over and offered to cook for me. I accepted gladly, but after dinner he once again declined to take things to "the next level" with me, citing an upset stomach. OK, once again, fair. Once again, stayed the night. Things continued this way still, with me staying over a couple more times and trying to take things further and him declining citing various physical ailments or exhaustion. Finally, I asked if we were waiting for something in particular, because that was cool and all but I just wanted to make sure everything was kosher. He said everything was fine, it had just been bad timing. We then spent NYE together and that night we finally did the deed. No hanging from the chandeliers there but hey, it had been two months and I was glad it had finally gone forward.
Things continued at this pace now; still the occasional e-mail once or twice a week, hanging out maybe once or twice a week. Not very often at all, hence not much opportunity to get attached or physically intimate. But we both worked a lot and lived about an hour away from each other so I didn't get too bent out of shape about it. We became "official" around the three month mark, he introduced me to his friends and his mother, told me how much everyone loved me and how special and amazing I was. I was invited to his mother's home for the holidays and I met the entire family. He told me that his romantic past had been littered with drama and that the only "serious" relationship he'd ever had was with a woman who was 6 years his senior (he was in his mid 20s at the time) when they both lived in another state. That had lasted about a year and a half and a large part of it had been long distance. His description of that relationship changed every time he brought it up; once, he said he always knew it wasn't a long term thing because of the age difference; the next time, he said he would have married her eventually if things had worked out. So I wasn't even sure what to believe. As for his other "relationships" they had mostly been short (around 2-4 months) and either full of drama or had simply fizzled out quickly. He said he loved how cool and collected I was and how I was such a refreshing change from all of those girls in his past, who allegedly wanted to marry him two weeks into the relationship.
Eight months passed and things were fine. We took a Memorial Day weekend away together, attended an out of state wedding in mid June together, spent the 4th of July weekend at his place. Oddly, our physical intimacy had dropped in frequency once again to about twice a month, which I would have taken as a red flag if the relationship hadn't started off with such a lack of physical intimacy. I just figured he had seen that physical intimacy was important to me and gone along with it, but was now settling back into his natural state. I let it be and figured we'd approach the topic again if it went on for too long. I then took a business trip out of state for the weekend and when I got back, I had trouble getting in touch with him. Out of the blue, he called me a few days after I got back into town and told me he wanted to end the relationship! I was shocked. We had never argued, he had never expressed dissatisfaction with anything I did or didn't do, I gave him space and time (which he claimed to be happy with,) we got along rather well and had a lot in common. I asked whether there was any chance we could work things out. He said no, he felt as though we had become just friends and his gut was telling him this was the end of the road for us. He said he'd been having doubts for a "few weeks" but had been able to really think about it during our weekend apart. I just sucked it up and said OoooooK then, your loss, have a nice life. Walked away with my dignity intact and haven't spoken to him in the three weeks since.
So I guess that covers the important facts though I left a lot out (amazingly!) in an effort to avoid writing the next great American novel. So what do y'all think? He was WAY too good looking and desirable to be single in his 30s and yet not looking to get some "play" from the girl he's dating (i.e. not much of a playa though he had the capability to be.) I suspected all along (and even more so now) that he may have been hiding psychological or sexual preference issues...but not sure where to go with that. Ideas, anyone? What the heck went wrong here?!
