Can I trust her? Or can she hold on to this long distance relationship???
Hi, I am having this relationship and its going to be one year on this september...I just moved to Australia to go for the higher studies. I had a very rough childhood, never been able to live with my own family. I was with My Mom until I was 5 and then my Dad took me away from her and put me into a hostel but he used to (still) live abroad. I am always the best friend of everyone but its really hard to be my best friend. I have seen girls pretty much attracted to me, not because of I am good looking but it is the way I am...I try to be very honest....I have to protect myself as there is nobody to hold my back. I have been through a lot of bad times, I had to figure out what to do and what not to, I never tried to bother anyone with any of my things....But I always wanted to be get loved as I had never been cared my live. I want people to understad me and my feelings, but very few actually tries to..So I dont open up and keep things to myself...I so want to tell everything but I dont think there is a single person who really wants to understand what actually I am trying to say...I fight for my survival, to keep my existence, but I never did drugs or anything like that which was very easy for me to do...I always tried my best to be on the track, to be on the right way...But I am a failure, in a lot of ways....I have nothing, not a family, money, a constant place to stay, but bad reputations into my family although everyones knows how tough my life always was...I have contact with my Mom now and she loves me but she got married after the separation with my father and has another child who is my step brother....
I had to give an idea about myself so that its easy for you to judge...
So the girl I am in love with now is my distant cousin sister and just turned 18 (and I am 24)...She is very immature and confused most of the times....She loves me I know that....It all started 4 years back when we got close but she was was very young and did not want to get into any relationship although she liked me....She got caught to her Mom as she had contact with me. Then it all stopped. We both moved on and I thought she forgot about me and does not have that feeling for me....But then she contacted to me again for a few days and got caught by her Mom....And it happened again for the third time on 2009. She had a relationship for one and a half month with a guy who was a dating other girls as well and then she got to know it and broke up with him. And then when she was broken, a guy came who supported her, and she supported her on his bad times and they became best friends since. Last year she communicated with me again on september and told her asked me suddenly that if I still have feelings for her. I answered her back with a yes, and she told me that she loves me and wants to come to a relationship with me. I agreed. I was always afraid of a relationship as I have a bad life and didnt want to ruin anyones life attaching with me but a lot of girls wanted me but I was always strict to myself and controlled. But I could not help myself when she asked me again about my feelings for her, knowing that a lot of problem may occur, and its a family issue as well....Everything was smooth before the relationship and even when it began....I tried and still try my heart and soul to make her happy, managing everything....Even she is also keeping in touch with me with a hidden cell phone and sometimes on the internet which her parents are not concern about...I never had an issue and wants me to be demanding....But I ask her something to do, she always back her up with lots of excuses and issues....I never had problem with her friends....Then I asked her about the guy friend she has, she always tells me he is just a very good friend, nothing else. To her, he is one of the best looking, charming guy she has ever seen (including me)...But I asked hera few times that why didnt you go to the relationship with this guy then (ok, lets assume he's name is 'Mat')....She tells me that she never felt for him, but the other way round, Mat loved her! He wanted her to be her girl friend a few times but she denied. But they were always used to be together! Mat's family is very close to her (alright, lets assume 'her' name is 'Chole') family. So they meet every now and then, even they used to do classes together as well. So, while she was being with Mat, she got into a relationship with me. But Chole never hada clear answer that why she did not go to a relationship with Mat, she says 'I dont know, I never felt for him'. I was alright with everything. But then it was going on to much, hers with Mats. She has ato maintain certain things after coming to a relationship with someone, right? According to Chole, Mat was supporting her with everything, even our relationship at first. Bt I always have doubts. She was and even few days back was in touch with her ex, saying that he became very good friend of hers now. She knows that I wont like her, but still she did it. She does a lot of things which she knows very clearly that I wont like and always gives me excuses for what she does. Anyways, mat became aggressive slowly. he started to express that he is not liking me. And me and Chole sometimes have arguments which goes too far and then she cries and I feel bad even but it was never my intention to hurt her and every time she says sorry to me and realizes that she was wrong and she should no have done or said that...I asked her then stop seeing Mat as he was becoming a problem within us. At first she didnt want to do it, bt then I said that its upto her whatever she wants to do then she decided not to be with Mat anymore. It as very hard for us to meet as her Mom always used to go out with her, tok her to classes and all. But we met couple of times still and became very much intimate. I always tried to control but when she used to see me, she just wanted my everything....We almost had sex even, but it didnt happen totally, I controlled. I am very much serious about this relationship. This is my goal of life now, to get her. She told me to go abroad for higher education so that I can be represented to her family. She has a brother who likes me a lot and supports and the relationship....But her parents wont ever agree on me...But still, she is agreed to marry me, no matter what happens...She knows about my life....But she cant stand any girl who is a friend of mine or has feelings for me and in touch with me who used to be my good friends. Even I stopped seeing any of the friend who are girls after getting into the relationship before she said something to me cause I knew that she would not like it. But I dont know how to trust her. As she is 18, I know how things work in this age and how things can go wrong...We only exchange texts most of times and can barely talk. I dont know if it will work out well or not as this is a long distance relationship now....I have faith on me and I know that I can control myself which i have been doing since my child hood...Mat has gone crazy now and want her at any cost now and been trying to call me and texting me which is very disturbing...I just came to Australia and its geting very hard for me to concentrate on my studies and on al the other things just because of whats going on....I am sorry for this lengthy message but I need help and suggestion from you people....I dont know what to do....Please save me....
