Can I trust her? Or can she hold on to this long distance relationship???

[IzzyE]

Hi, I am having this relationship and its going to be one year on this september...I just moved to Australia to go for the higher studies. I had a very rough childhood, never been able to live with my own family. I was with My Mom until I was 5 and then my Dad took me away from her and put me into a hostel but he used to (still) live abroad. I am always the best friend of everyone but its really hard to be my best friend. I have seen girls pretty much attracted to me, not because of I am good looking but it is the way I am...I try to be very honest....I have to protect myself as there is nobody to hold my back. I have been through a lot of bad times, I had to figure out what to do and what not to, I never tried to bother anyone with any of my things....But I always wanted to be get loved as I had never been cared my live. I want people to understad me and my feelings, but very few actually tries to..So I dont open up and keep things to myself...I so want to tell everything but I dont think there is a single person who really wants to understand what actually I am trying to say...I fight for my survival, to keep my existence, but I never did drugs or anything like that which was very easy for me to do...I always tried my best to be on the track, to be on the right way...But I am a failure, in a lot of ways....I have nothing, not a family, money, a constant place to stay, but bad reputations into my family although everyones knows how tough my life always was...I have contact with my Mom now and she loves me but she got married after the separation with my father and has another child who is my step brother....

I had to give an idea about myself so that its easy for you to judge...

So the girl I am in love with now is my distant cousin sister and just turned 18 (and I am 24)...She is very immature and confused most of the times....She loves me I know that....It all started 4 years back when we got close but she was was very young and did not want to get into any relationship although she liked me....She got caught to her Mom as she had contact with me. Then it all stopped. We both moved on and I thought she forgot about me and does not have that feeling for me....But then she contacted to me again for a few days and got caught by her Mom....And it happened again for the third time on 2009. She had a relationship for one and a half month with a guy who was a dating other girls as well and then she got to know it and broke up with him. And then when she was broken, a guy came who supported her, and she supported her on his bad times and they became best friends since. Last year she communicated with me again on september and told her asked me suddenly that if I still have feelings for her. I answered her back with a yes, and she told me that she loves me and wants to come to a relationship with me. I agreed. I was always afraid of a relationship as I have a bad life and didnt want to ruin anyones life attaching with me but a lot of girls wanted me but I was always strict to myself and controlled. But I could not help myself when she asked me again about my feelings for her, knowing that a lot of problem may occur, and its a family issue as well....Everything was smooth before the relationship and even when it began....I tried and still try my heart and soul to make her happy, managing everything....Even she is also keeping in touch with me with a hidden cell phone and sometimes on the internet which her parents are not concern about...I never had an issue and wants me to be demanding....But I ask her something to do, she always back her up with lots of excuses and issues....I never had problem with her friends....Then I asked her about the guy friend she has, she always tells me he is just a very good friend, nothing else. To her, he is one of the best looking, charming guy she has ever seen (including me)...But I asked hera few times that why didnt you go to the relationship with this guy then (ok, lets assume he's name is 'Mat')....She tells me that she never felt for him, but the other way round, Mat loved her! He wanted her to be her girl friend a few times but she denied. But they were always used to be together! Mat's family is very close to her (alright, lets assume 'her' name is 'Chole') family. So they meet every now and then, even they used to do classes together as well. So, while she was being with Mat, she got into a relationship with me. But Chole never hada clear answer that why she did not go to a relationship with Mat, she says 'I dont know, I never felt for him'. I was alright with everything. But then it was going on to much, hers with Mats. She has ato maintain certain things after coming to a relationship with someone, right? According to Chole, Mat was supporting her with everything, even our relationship at first. Bt I always have doubts. She was and even few days back was in touch with her ex, saying that he became very good friend of hers now. She knows that I wont like her, but still she did it. She does a lot of things which she knows very clearly that I wont like and always gives me excuses for what she does. Anyways, mat became aggressive slowly. he started to express that he is not liking me. And me and Chole sometimes have arguments which goes too far and then she cries and I feel bad even but it was never my intention to hurt her and every time she says sorry to me and realizes that she was wrong and she should no have done or said that...I asked her then stop seeing Mat as he was becoming a problem within us. At first she didnt want to do it, bt then I said that its upto her whatever she wants to do then she decided not to be with Mat anymore. It as very hard for us to meet as her Mom always used to go out with her, tok her to classes and all. But we met couple of times still and became very much intimate. I always tried to control but when she used to see me, she just wanted my everything....We almost had sex even, but it didnt happen totally, I controlled. I am very much serious about this relationship. This is my goal of life now, to get her. She told me to go abroad for higher education so that I can be represented to her family. She has a brother who likes me a lot and supports and the relationship....But her parents wont ever agree on me...But still, she is agreed to marry me, no matter what happens...She knows about my life....But she cant stand any girl who is a friend of mine or has feelings for me and in touch with me who used to be my good friends. Even I stopped seeing any of the friend who are girls after getting into the relationship before she said something to me cause I knew that she would not like it. But I dont know how to trust her. As she is 18, I know how things work in this age and how things can go wrong...We only exchange texts most of times and can barely talk. I dont know if it will work out well or not as this is a long distance relationship now....I have faith on me and I know that I can control myself which i have been doing since my child hood...Mat has gone crazy now and want her at any cost now and been trying to call me and texting me which is very disturbing...I just came to Australia and its geting very hard for me to concentrate on my studies and on al the other things just because of whats going on....I am sorry for this lengthy message but I need help and suggestion from you people....I dont know what to do....Please save me....

[IzzyE]

She tells me that she loves me and she is maintaing everything....But then something happens and she always gives me excuses about....She wants me to tell me what to do and what no to but then never follows me very wel and end up doing what she wants to do...I dont understad whats the point then? And then when I tell her that you do whatever you want to do, she does not agree on that...Its so confusing...I am doing whatever I can to make us together....I manaed to send credit to her phone, even now i am here, I am stil doing it so that she never runs out of credit....I bought her phone, twice and always try to give suggest her with wise advices, to secure our future, and for her good so that she does not get in to any trouble....Bust she cant control her age and do a lot of stupid things and then regret later...But I love her so much and she is my life now...I cant think anything but her...But I am not sure if she can hold on to it or not as its going to be a longtime we wont be seeing each other, maybe 2 years....And she is a beautiful young girl and guys are always around her....I feel very insecure...!! I want to get out of this feeling....I think that she is not serious enough about the relationship...

And she is always late to text me back and gives me a lot of excuses....She always tells me to understand her situation, which I do, otherwise I would not be in a relationship with her! The phone she uses to communicate with me is hidden from her parents...But when I was in my country, we almost used to talk the whole day...If she could manage then, why not now? I constantly text her every now and then, although I am in such bad financial situation and I dont even have a job, but still, I managed to do it, why cant she? I just dont get it....I checked her phone records for a while (I was bound to know what she was up to) and I saw that she is texting her friends even when she has a text to reply of mine....It just hurts me how she chose other people over me....And a lot of times, she does not even text me back and she knows that this is the only way of communicating to me right now!! And I feel most of the times that, she is not open to me, where as I try to share my everything with her....Is just too much going on for me...I am so lonely and no one to talk to..I have no one and I thought she will be there for me, but she is not....But she tells me that she is always with me and loves me no mater what, but I just dont see it....I dont see her doing enough for this relationship...Its always me who has to sacrifice, understand and to go through all these...And I cant do anything else for this issue...

[bulrush]

I doubt you will take our advice, but I will give it anyway in the hope that you will at least think about what I said. I have a feeling you will have to learn some things on your own by making your own mistakes. I see some red flags in her and I will explain them.

She is very immature and confused most of the times...
I answered her back with a yes, and she told me that she loves me and wants to come to a relationship with me.

You two haven't spent any time together, in person, recently yet she loves you? Big red flag there. Sounds like she doesn't know the difference between love and infatuation.

Even she is also keeping in touch with me with a hidden cell phone and sometimes on the internet which her parents are not concern about...

If she hides secrets from her parents, she will likely hide secrets from you.

She tells me that she loves me and she is maintaing everything....But then something happens and she always gives me excuses about.

Immature people often give excuses rather than take responsibility for their own actions and admit they are wrong.

I dont see her doing enough for this relationship...Its always me who has to sacrifice, understand and to go through all these.

When a person loves you they make YOU a priority in their life. For example, my gf bought me my favorite foods when I went to visit her, because I matter to her. When she came to visit me, I made sure to go out to get food she likes, and do things she likes, even if I didn't like them. For example, if I don't like sports, I would go to a baseball game with her if that's what she wanted.

You should not have to make all the sacrifices. She should do some work also.

[IzzyE]

Thank you so much for reading this long message and your responding me, 'bulrush'...

Yes you are true that we haven not spent much time together...I used to see her once in a while in the social gathering...But it all stopped after she got caught to her parents....Then after we got into the relationship, we spend some times together but for a very short time like one or two hours max and she is always in a hurry as she had to go to her class or home maybe... She was always very affectionate and felt attached to me....I know that she loves me and I trust her that she is not cheating on me either....but what really hurts me more that she always prioritise other things over me...Even I also am doing a lot of things, and she does not even have to spell everything to me, I just understand and dont want to make her feel bad...I really love her so much...But I know that she can also feel my love for her...But like even today, she did not text me back for once and I know that she'll be giving some excuses and I always have to take them....Whatever I say, she'll reply me with 'understanding' her situation...She is taking risks for me at home and I really appreciate that...But I am also managing a lot of things for her....Like I gave up with my life and then she came and for her, I am now in Australia so that I can have some background. I have sacrificed and had to understand through out my whole life, but I just need some where some place of mine, where I know that I can be myself, can speak up with an open mind....But I feel some barrier while talking to her as I have to be careful how she takes things....I just want her to realize that how much serious she has to be and even she has to understand her responsibility....I told her several times that she can leave me if she wants but she does not want to do that....She wants me but I dont feel that much....