What ya think ladies? Need a female perspective
OK girls, I'd like your advice here.
I'm not normally one to appeal to the opposite sex for advice, much less to ask online, but I'm stumped and I don't want to make an "Emotional" decision.
I'll keep it to straight facts and keep it objective for this part. I'm in a fairly new relationship with a woman who is 3 years older than I am. I'm 24, and she is 27. we were initially a drunken hook up, then casual friends, then somewhat serious... and so on. We've been together for 7 months, and got a place together 3 months ago.
The living situation was her idea. I supported it and let her run with it, and contributed when we were looking, renting, moving etc. We fought a little when we first moved in, typical "Now were together 24/7" situation. Were both military, and she outranks me... Our job gave us alot of heat when it got wind of our alleged relationship.
I'm a divorcee, and have been through my share of F'd up relationships. from the jump, I noticed a few things. She keeps her phone close, and always deleted anything that came in. calls, txts, even things of a harmless nature. This was a huge red flag, but after a few tests I deemed it nothing big. Just her way of organizing things. She also showered IMMEDIATELY after getting home, and after sex. Again, another red flag, but I havent found any strange social activity to warrant any concern. She said its a hygiene thing.
Here's the stuff that I've been picking up on lately.
I've become the "Secret" boyfriend to her co-workers, none of whom she is social friends with. If I call her at work and one of them answers the phone, she will take the call, ask if she can call me back, and I wont get a call back. We got alot of grief from our bosses initially.
Selective with the "I love you" Thing. Im not a clingy person, and this is not a necessity every time we talk. But she initiates it, and I'll respond. Sometime, if I initiate it, she sends me an "ok". or just says bye... not a sticking point, but I notice it.
Shes on nuva ring birth control. Why is there "Vaginal Contraceptive Film" in our bathroom? (I've been keeping count of them, as well as looking out for condoms anywhere in the house, the count is the same, and no rubbers) I asked, and she said she left her ring out for a month. these things were a back up. still sounds fishy.
On that same token, I do my fair share of the housework.. meaning laundry. Any reason her undies are dirtier than usual? How am i supposed to know what that stain is? Girls, you know what I'm talking about here. is there some kind of give away if its another guy?
facebook... is the lack of a relationship status a signal? It definately says "Single". She keeps it permanently logged in on our home computer, and Ive told her it was up. she didnt seem to mind that I could snoop if I wanted. aside from seeing that and closing the window, I havent, but could.
Her interest is a coaster.. she will be all over me (lotsa sex) and calling me, then cold, distant, and just.. chilled out. not uninterested, just seems ok and casual.
Im not one to call someone out unless I have absolute proof of something, and Im not insecure and needy with her. Right now, as far as she knows, were perfectly happy and doing just fine. She dosnt disappear, no strange undies or talk about another guy. We have a joint phone bill, and nothing fishy there either.
My issue is, from everything ive learned about the opposite sex, these are huge signs of infidelity, and barring that, being played. she does things that make me think shes ass-over-elbows in love, and then I notice little stuff like this.
I'm not going to confront her and accuse, or ask. If I'm right, she will deny it and just hide it more. If I'm wrong, then Im an insecure ass who is invading her privacy based on my insecurities. Now, if I have absolute red-handed proof, then absolutely.
so girls, what do you make of this?
Is this normal behavior? is she just keeping her personal life private?
where should i be looking to justify and clarify my suspicions?
There are no strange calls, new guy friends, strange outings, or weird purchases. She is either innocent, or very very good at hiding what I think shes doing. I've combed the house for evidence, and found nothing. No clothes in her car, or dirty dress up stuff that she didnt wear around me.
I want to believe she is not sneaking around, but it just dosnt add up. My gut says she is thinking of or already has messed around. So please, tell me how to catch her, or believe shes innocent. What cosmetics should I look for... etc.
thanks!!!
