Right so basically I am coming to the end of first year at university. I have been seeing one of my flatmates for pretty much the whole year, it started in the first month and has progressively gotten more serious and after 7 months I am not sure how much more I can take! We started off pretty casual as I wasn't really attracted to him so much in the beginning but over time as I got to know him I began to like him more. Without discussing it we became exclusive pretty early on, as in we didn't go with other people and it was just routine to end up together. We share the same group of friends and are basically together all the time. He had said in group conversations in the early days that he would never have a girlfriend at uni because it would be too intense and he wasn't looking for that. Before he came to uni he came out of a very bad 3 year relationship where he was cheated on numerous times and it has really messed him about. He had the mind-set that he had wasted a few years of his life on some horrid girl and now it was his time to get his freedom back and just have fun, without being tied down.
As the months went on we turned from being "friends with benefits" to more, we'd hang out sober, watch films and do all the cute things you do when two people really like eachother. A couple of times we would have a chat and he'd tell me he was really confused because he didn't expect to meet me at uni, it kind of ruined his "free" plan as now he had found a girl he really liked but he was majorly scared of getting hurt again and it was stopping him from getting close. I told him over time he'd see i am not like his ex and he told me he was scared of falling in love with me because it would put him in such a vulnerable place to get hurt again.
As it went on i said to him I want to know where this is going or I think we should end things now to save me getting hurt further down the line. He still was unsure and said he was confused himself, he craved this single life but he doesn't do it, he comes back to me every time. He said he was confused with himself and couldn't give me an answer. I knew by now I was getting a bit messed around, I give him everything on a plate and we have developed real feelings for eachother yet he STILL isn't sure if he wants to commit to me properly? He would get jealous of other boys, we'd have big arguments about all the stuff couples fight over (mostly his insecurities from his past creeping in a bit i think) but deep down I think he knew he couldn't really be mad cos he has no hold over me cos he isn't my boyfriend.
Now we are basically everything a couple is. Everytime we go home we still don't go with anyone else, he still is commited to me but not really with a lable and the most recent time we went home separatly for 3 weeks he completely changed. He was sooo keen, ringing me every day, talking about 'us' a lot more, saying he trusts me, talking to me like i was his girlfriend and all sorts. We came back to uni and all my friends were saying he is gonna ask me out, I got upset one night cos I felt like I was STILL getting used and he reassured me he felt differently now, apparently us getting closer had made him sure about things and to be honest I can really tell a difference. He is a lot more openly affectionate with me, proper cute but still hasn't asked me out. He did once when he was drunk but then was telling a friend the day after he was just worried about hurting me and getting hurt. It seems these doubts are still there somewhere in his head.
I just don't know what to do. I know that he really really likes me, he said he doesn't want to look at any other girls and everything seems right but just still isn't moving! Very frustrating! I don't really think he is going to ask me out because if he genuinly wanted to wouldn't he just do it?! What is he waiting for. Now i am starting to wonder if it is just the company/closeness he likes but still doesn't want a relationship. He just keeps me going because he is massively scared of losing me. I think this is really selfish and don't know whether to stick things out til summer (that will be make or break) and see if he really is going to ask me out, or look at this realistically now and see that I just look like a fool and not let him have his way any longer? The ball is totally in his court and it's making me feel powerless and not wanted, yet I just can't seem to stay away because he keeps drawing me back in.
Any advice/wake up calls is very much appreciated! :)
