i dont exist well in a limbo.. ~ he's confusing...
its been almost a year when i first posted my story in this forum. and here i am again, seeking for advises & opinions from random people who i have never met but gave me a lot to think about during my first posts.
a year ago, i asked for help bec my (ex) BF asked for some time off after getting fed up with my jealousy. our relationship ended of course. like what Boisdevie said, asking for some time off is a guy's way of saying it's over nicely.. lol
now here's my dilemma: after being with his new girl, after dating a new guy.. here we are again. we're kinda seeing each other (idk if you'd call it that way) but seems like we're together again but we're not. no commitment, no title.. but we act like we're together.
we started talking again around Dec 2011. at first, it was just casual. just like old friends. until he started acting really sweet. sometimes he'd do something and tell me that's how much he loves me... stuff like that. but during those times, he was still with the girl he chose over me.. i guess its true what they say.. he cheats on you. he cheats with you.. as months pass by, i can see the difference in terms of how he treats me. before, he didnt want people (esp common friends) to see us together. now, he would accompany me. hangout with me. act sweet towards me in public. its like he doesnt care if people see us together. he'd send me text messages everyday. he'd tell me he misses me. he'd tell me he loves me. i have a supply of sandwich from him everyday. we go out. we spend time together. we kiss. we hug. do what couples do. talk like how couples talk. but we never talked about where we are. where our relationship is going. where we are heading.
i have this fear that if we're together again, he'd cheat on me. i know not trusting him was the reason why he left me. but he cheated on his GF with me. and there's a possibility that he would do the same when we're together again. but ofcourse, im trying not to think that way. besides, whenever we talk, he always tell me that he never cheated on me. and that he really loved me. which i know's true.
his fear on the other hand is being accused of cheating again. he once said that as of now, he's happy where we are right now. no arguments. no fights. and i thought, maybe, whats holding him back is me being jealous again with everything and my paranoias that he's cheating or what not. can't blame him though. we both have fears. and another thing, thinking about what happened to him after we broke up, really pisses me off. the girl he chose over me, the other girls he flirted, and what not.
i just dont get it. its confusing. what he's doing. i know him and he's the type who wouldnt exert efforts for nothing. our friends say that he still loves me just that he has reservations. afraid that soon, we go back again to where we were. fighting over nothing. me getting jealous of nothing. i just hate it that he's making me used to of being there again. i hate it that he's also reaching out to my family again. i hate it that whenever we talk, whenever he talks. its like there's always US. i hate it that he can asks me anything. where am i? what am i doing? etc. i hate it when he just suddenly check my phone. i hate it that he can look at my phone when im texting to see who i am talking to.. i hate it that i wanted to do the same but im controlling myself. i dont want him to think that here i go again with my paranoias. but its just confusing that when it comes to me, he can do anything. its like he still owes me.
i love him, i know that for sure but sometimes.. it just gets so confusing... :( need opinions... thanks!
