i dont exist well in a limbo.. ~ he's confusing...

[xvi]

its been almost a year when i first posted my story in this forum. and here i am again, seeking for advises & opinions from random people who i have never met but gave me a lot to think about during my first posts.

a year ago, i asked for help bec my (ex) BF asked for some time off after getting fed up with my jealousy. our relationship ended of course. like what Boisdevie said, asking for some time off is a guy's way of saying it's over nicely.. lol

now here's my dilemma: after being with his new girl, after dating a new guy.. here we are again. we're kinda seeing each other (idk if you'd call it that way) but seems like we're together again but we're not. no commitment, no title.. but we act like we're together.

we started talking again around Dec 2011. at first, it was just casual. just like old friends. until he started acting really sweet. sometimes he'd do something and tell me that's how much he loves me... stuff like that. but during those times, he was still with the girl he chose over me.. i guess its true what they say.. he cheats on you. he cheats with you.. as months pass by, i can see the difference in terms of how he treats me. before, he didnt want people (esp common friends) to see us together. now, he would accompany me. hangout with me. act sweet towards me in public. its like he doesnt care if people see us together. he'd send me text messages everyday. he'd tell me he misses me. he'd tell me he loves me. i have a supply of sandwich from him everyday. we go out. we spend time together. we kiss. we hug. do what couples do. talk like how couples talk. but we never talked about where we are. where our relationship is going. where we are heading.

i have this fear that if we're together again, he'd cheat on me. i know not trusting him was the reason why he left me. but he cheated on his GF with me. and there's a possibility that he would do the same when we're together again. but ofcourse, im trying not to think that way. besides, whenever we talk, he always tell me that he never cheated on me. and that he really loved me. which i know's true.

his fear on the other hand is being accused of cheating again. he once said that as of now, he's happy where we are right now. no arguments. no fights. and i thought, maybe, whats holding him back is me being jealous again with everything and my paranoias that he's cheating or what not. can't blame him though. we both have fears. and another thing, thinking about what happened to him after we broke up, really pisses me off. the girl he chose over me, the other girls he flirted, and what not.

i just dont get it. its confusing. what he's doing. i know him and he's the type who wouldnt exert efforts for nothing. our friends say that he still loves me just that he has reservations. afraid that soon, we go back again to where we were. fighting over nothing. me getting jealous of nothing. i just hate it that he's making me used to of being there again. i hate it that he's also reaching out to my family again. i hate it that whenever we talk, whenever he talks. its like there's always US. i hate it that he can asks me anything. where am i? what am i doing? etc. i hate it when he just suddenly check my phone. i hate it that he can look at my phone when im texting to see who i am talking to.. i hate it that i wanted to do the same but im controlling myself. i dont want him to think that here i go again with my paranoias. but its just confusing that when it comes to me, he can do anything. its like he still owes me.

i love him, i know that for sure but sometimes.. it just gets so confusing... need opinions... thanks!

[smackie9]

Well this time around you need to communicate with each other a lot more....not fighting but have honest discussions and express relationship expectations and boundaries. If one wants to check the other's phone then there should be equal opportunity for the other to do the same with out any issues. You both have to sit down and talk about these things and stop being so childish with each other. Once the expectations are established you both can now learn to develop trust with each other....you both just have to be on the same page.

[iamaninnocentma]

boisdevie will be happy he was right for once.

if hes literally bringing you a sandwich everyday, you are a lucky gal. I dream of meeting a woman like this.

[Wakeup]

You make mention of a girl that he chose over you. Are you saying he's still seeing her but he's cheating on her to be with you?

Anyway, you need to stop being afraid to speak or ask for what you want in fear of losing him. If he doesn't want the same thing you do then you're just playing at this and wasting your time because you're not happy. If you choose to not speak to him about this "limbo" you feel you're in then you best learn to just enjoy what you have with the status quo and stop all the OCD thinking about him that you've got going on.

I suggest you at least ask him to be sexually exclusive with you... afterall if he won't do that for you then do you really want to be one of many? Ugh and double Ugh. If he's cheating on his gf to be with you then you already are one too many. O.o

[Boisdevie]

boisdevie will be happy he was right for once.

So excited I've just come in my pants.

[xvi]

Well this time around you need to communicate with each other a lot more....not fighting but have honest discussions and express relationship expectations and boundaries. If one wants to check the other's phone then there should be equal opportunity for the other to do the same with out any issues. You both have to sit down and talk about these things and stop being so childish with each other. Once the expectations are established you both can now learn to develop trust with each other....you both just have to be on the same page.

we do communicate.. its just that we don't talk about our feelings.. serious stuff. he knows i still love him.. and he does remind me that he loves me too.. but talking about what happened to us in the past still makes me feel like its too much to bear that whenever we start talking serious stuff, i'd change the topic, crack a joke or just become silent. i guess im just complicating things between us... :\

[xvi]

boisdevie will be happy he was right for once.

if hes literally bringing you a sandwich everyday, you are a lucky gal. I dream of meeting a woman like this.

yep he does.. well he's a really sweet guy.. and i just hate it.. lol

[xvi]

You make mention of a girl that he chose over you. Are you saying he's still seeing her but he's cheating on her to be with you?

Anyway, you need to stop being afraid to speak or ask for what you want in fear of losing him. If he doesn't want the same thing you do then you're just playing at this and wasting your time because you're not happy. If you choose to not speak to him about this "limbo" you feel you're in then you best learn to just enjoy what you have with the status quo and stop all the OCD thinking about him that you've got going on.

I suggest you at least ask him to be sexually exclusive with you... afterall if he won't do that for you then do you really want to be one of many? Ugh and double Ugh. If he's cheating on his gf to be with you then you already are one too many. O.o

nope.. he's not with that girl anymore which explains why he's spending more time with me.. and he's open in showing affection towards me. i tried not to be afraid. told myself several times that the next time we go out, i'd ask him. but whenever we are together. everything just seems okay. too good to be true. i cant find right timing to ask him bec i dont want to ruin the moment. well i dont think he's sexually active with someone else. despite all, i know he's not that kind of guy.. im just so afraid to ask him coz i hate rejections.. so even before i do something, i always expect the worst. thats why i'm still here..