Four Years: Need Help

I decided to post here, for my struggle concerns relationship of four years.

Right now I'm a 20 year old male, a freshman in college. I met my mistress when I was a sophomore in high school. We started to talk, and things escalated. Before I knew it I was asking her to go with me, she accepted, and we were a well-known couple around the school.

Years went by. We broke up, got back together, broke up, etc. Our break ups would last 2-3 weeks, then we would get back together. One time in particular, when I was 17, our split lasted a month and a half, and I believed us to be over. I found different women, but it didn't feel right. My heart was with her; I knew that I still loved her, and that I always would. I came back to her, and she told me that things were going the same way. Our love was reconstructed, and I can honestly say that I have never felt happier than I did that day.

It was the end of my junior year in high school, and I was getting a 4.0 in the AP program (weighted, 5.0). My future was set, my father told me. I applied and was accepted into Yale, Stanford and Harvard. Though things seemed great, I then realised that this would be the quite official break up of Amanda and I. I talked to her about it for hours. By myself I thought and cried in my room. As senior year came, I made it final: I would give up my dreams to stay with her. She was as happy as I could have ever imagined, and I felt as if I had done what was right.

Now I'm a Freshman at Colorado State University (majoring in Western Philosophy, for those who wondered). Throughout the year I have been with her and we have been happy. Then, Spring Break, I decided to travel to England to see my good friend who was attending Oxford. I learned that she had often been with John, an ex-boyfriend of hers, and a bitter rival of mine. My last day in England she called me. She told me that things weren't working out, and that we can't go together anymore. She hung up, leaving me speechless.

It's now been a month. She isn't seeing John, but neither is she talking to me. I have given up on trying to communicate, for I believe that I there is nothing I can do.

The past weeks have been miserable for me. I have nothing, I have no one. Consolation comes only from tightly gripping a pillow at night and seeing her face in a memory. The few gifts she has given me solely decorate my room. Her smile is my best friend.

This is where I ask for help. People have told me to move on, but I'm quite sure all of you know that that isn't easy, perhaps impossible. My unacquainted friends, I am plagued with a serious sickness. All the friends I once had cannot help me as I lay on this deathbed.

I feel she is more serious than she has ever been in other break ups, and to make matters worse, she has John again, who she often talks on the phone with, etc.

I need direction, and I hope that I have come to the right place.

AnotherWerther

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Was including your GPA required?

P.S. her and John are having sex. A wise man once said.."If you do not know then just assume the worst".

God, you are so young. Now, I'm NOT making light of your feelings. Not at all. But you've just got to believe you will move on. If you have managed to keep up your GPA (high school is MUCH different from university), then transfer to the east coast. Boston is a great city w/lots of brainy chicks to occupy you outside of classes. Your relationship is over & you need a fresh start. Study hard, do well & good luck.

HI.

My humble advice.
There is are no consolating words that will make you feel better unfortunatelly. There is advice however that will prepare you.
The stages that you are going to go through is denial, acceptance
and then I don't know, I havent reached that stage yet either, but it has
be something better.

You have to look at the situation and the facts, not your feelings.
You gave up things for her, and what did she give you?JOHN.
What does that make her? Well, I hope u know by now, a Beach.
Does she deserve you? NO!

So, yeah, you will be feeling like this for quite a long time unfortunatelly,
however after a while you will realise, one sided love is no love.
Then you will start to accept things. Then you will start to move out.
This is the time you will feel a bit better, start doing things and reviving yourself. Stop trying to think about an individual that you have in your mind
as a fictional character. It doesn't exist anymore. Harsh I know, but people
change.

So start accepting the facts and moving on. No other way.

And you have to realise, shes sleeping with JOHN.
You are not in her mind anymore although she might claim the opposite.
Good thing is that things won't workout with her and John.
But neither will they do with you.

So, endure and remember what you learn now is valuable experience,
no matter how things turn out.

This is my advice, please take it lightly.
-+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh, And you have to think about YOURSELF and how you
are going to get better.

How could such an intelligent man attend such a shitty school? Let me get this straight; you were accepted to Yale, Harvard, and Stanford, yet you still ended up in Colorado?

I smell bullshit.

Thank you for all of the advice.

As of right now, I haven't talked to her, and I'm starting to get used to it. I'm focusing on spending times with friends and and having a good time. It will get much harder, I realize that, but there's no where to go but up.

As for attending Colorado State: I live(d) in Colorado, about 2 hours from Colorado State. I had to attend a school that my girlfriend was accepted in to, and it was between Colorado and Colorado State, both being very good universities. We decided Colorado State.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AnotherWerther

Thank you for all of the advice.

As of right now, I haven't talked to her, and I'm starting to get used to it. I'm focusing on spending times with friends and and having a good time. It will get much harder, I realize that, but there's no where to go but up.

As for attending Colorado State: I live(d) in Colorado, about 2 hours from Colorado State. I had to attend a school that my girlfriend was accepted in to, and it was between Colorado and Colorado State, both being very good universities. We decided Colorado State.

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First off, I would like to say hello to all as this is my first post on this forum. Now back to the subject at hand....I would like to start by saying, shame on you.... you had all the oppurtunities of a lifetime (Yale, Harvard, etc) and you blew it all for a girl.....wait, wait....let me rephrase that, you blew it for nothing, b/c that's basically what you have right now, now that you no longer have her. Don't EVER do that man!! Especially at your young age! It doesn't matter HOW important a girl or guy is, don't put YOUR life on hold so you can please that other person. If they respect and care for you as much as they say they do, they will understand when you explain to them you feel it is the right thing to do (whatever "it" is, such as the oppurtunity you were jabbed with before you decided to attend Colorado State).

My g/f and I have been together for over 4 years now, we were friends throughout senior year of high school and then became more than that shortly afterwards and have been dating ever since....(She and I are both 22 now)...we have been through thick and thin, but about less than a year ago (after working full time for a couple years) the topic of me going away to school was brought up (to go half way across the country). I'm not gonna lie to ya dude, she DID NOT like it AT ALL.... considering the length of time we were together as well as time we had invested into our relationship (we had also lived together for a little over 6 months).... After all, most people frown upon long-distance relationships.... Why?? Because they almost always end up not working out. I don't know if it's sheer laziness, isolation of feelings and emotions, lack of time spent with one another, or whether or not that person or persons cannot deal with the distance placed in between them. For some people, if I may use this example, it's like trying to avoid the big, pink elephant in the middle of the room....it's just too much for them and so they split.

I was a little skeptical at first that things would not work out, however, things panned out in ways that I never thought imaginable.... such as, instead of things getting worse, they got better b/c we both started to see how much we took for granted eachother and how much being apart has allowed us to grow and mature in different ways. Honestly, I think it's about putting the time, effort, emotion, and love into the relationship that makes things pan out in the end.

Now, I bet you're sitting there wondering, well what the hell is the point of this whole rant.... and the point is that, you sound like a pretty smart guy, you can still go about your life and your goals while still maintaining a serious relationship. But remember, a relationship is a two-way street. Like others in this forum have said, if it's one sided, then that is not a relationship, nor is it love... and in my opinion, I can't honestly say if that even sounds like a friendship to me. In your case, no one can tell you exactly what to do, but my advice.... the girl sounds as if she's made up her mind already, and you should start to do the same and move on. You will meet plenty of other women along the way (before you find that one you feel you would like to spend the rest of your life with), but until then, live life to the fullest and don't let this remain a setback in your life.

One thing I always tell myself is this: "Never regret; Instead, look forward and allow the past to become history, your history." That's what you need to do. Hope I was able to offer some advice to ya that helps you out and I wish you good luck as I know how hard it all is being in your position... grasp your new best friend called Optimism, let time pass on and you will soon see things become easier and easier...

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