My childhood sweetheart and I were close when we were kids, but my folks got re-married when I was in high school and my family moved over seas. It all happened very quickly, and I never got the chance to tell her goodbye, even though I had a crush on her for about 5 years, I never told her. I finally did tell her a couple years ago (now 15 years later), and she told me she had a crush on me too, but she was too shy to tell me then too. Its a little funny now.
Over the past couple years the two of us have re-kindled our friendship, and very much so over the past 2 months. She lives halfway across the country. She asked me to come down and visit sometime, and I did over the holidays since I had some vacation time. I fell in love with her, and I realized that she has always been the one for me. I've never had feelings like this in my life! I know that she is everything and the only thing I want in life. I told her how I felt, that I loved her, that I wanted to marry her, that I would give her my whole life. I told her that I hoped she believed me, because I meant every word, and she does believe me, she has said so and I know its the truth. I told her that I wanted to move there to be with her, but she is an unselfish and kind person, and she would feel guilty if I gave up everything for her. She didn't say how she felt, but when I left she held me like no one has ever held me before. We were both crying, and she didn't want to let me go.
We still talk every couple nights, for about an hour, and mostly just light-hearted conversation about our day. She knows how I feel, how I would do anything to be with her. I haven't held anything back because I know this woman appreciates honesty and I know I can trust her. It's only been a week since I left though, and I think I'm pressuring her, so I keep apologizing for putting all my emotions on her and I told her that its ok and she doesn't have to respond.
She told me that she hasn't decided, she just doesn't know, whether or not she wants me to move there to be with her. And I know she wouldn't ask me unless she meant it. I told her its ok, that I don't want to push her. I'm trying not to overwhelm her with my emotions, because I have learned women tend not to like that. She told me she does care about me, but she is afraid to say anything else beyond that. If fact, she feels comfortable talking to me about anything, except her feelings for me. I guess because she isn't sure. I don't think she would ever lie to me. She is genuinely confused on what to do. I told her I would wait as long as it takes, and I mean it.
I will be devastated if the two of us don't end up together. I would do anything to make sure this happens, this fairy tale, I would love her forever. The best thing, I think, is for me to move to her and allow us to build a relationship, but I have to know that she wants me to be there and she feels confident that she loves me or will love me before I leave my house, family, and everything else behind. I did find a job that is waiting for me if I do move there, and she knows. I have someone who will rent my house, and she knows this too.
I guess I just ease back and wait?
