Ending a 3 year relationship (opinions needed)
Hello Guys(sorry for the long post).
I've been reading a lot online about certain situations but I somehow felt that I needed someone else's opinion on my situation. Please bare with me.
So I was happily in a relationship for over 3 years with this girl that I met in college. Everything was great for the most part, we had a few arguments here and there during that time span but nothing too serious. The feeling was mutual, we had lots of fun together, blah blah blah you get the point I think.
Obviously after some period of time the honey moon stage wore off. During this time we only saw each other during the weekends due to work and not living together. We both had a mutual understanding that this period was over but we were confident that we could gain some of it back once we got a place together. We still enjoyed each others company a lot and we were planning a future together.
Anyways, back in November we both encouraged each other to go out more often with our friends and co-workers. We wanted to have a life outside of our relationship. Right away after a few weekends, I noticed that she wanted to go out more often (with her friends). She was doing it once to two times a week. I started to get worried a bit just because in my current stage I had done my partying while I was younger and was quite tired of that setting.
During that time I noticed that she was talking to/and about this co-worker of hers (a guy) quite a bit. I didn't want to put too much attention to it because 1. I didn't want to be that guy (the jealous bf) and 2. I had 100% trust in her.
We also had established that if someone did anything stupid (like cheating/fooling around) it would be the end of the relationship. So some ground rules were set at least in my part.
A few more months passed by and we forward to January of this year and one day while at my place I see that she is secretly texting this guy (the co-worker). When I mean secretly I meant she was hiding the phone while texting but I was able to catch a glance of the name so I knew who it was. Again not trying to act on my instant feelings I try to constraint myself but I couldn't. I literally told her why she was being so secretive, that it was suspicious. I told her with a straight face that if she did something stupid with this guy I would leave without hesitating. She cried and told me that she would never do anything blah blah blah.
During this whole period she kept going out here and there. Nothing too excessive I think, but I always had a hunch that she wanted to explore the feeling of "its greener on the other side" type of deal.
Now about 2 months ago in early February, she told me she was going to her girlfriends house at night, we can named her Becky for now. Now I knew she hanged out with Becky quite a bit, mostly like eating after work , going to the mall. This Becky girl had a bf and kids. So when she told me she was hanging out with her I had absolutely nos suspicion at all. Now like I mentioned before I had 100% trust, never really asked many questions. Later that night we talked, said good night while she was driving to her friends house.
I get a facebook message at 2am saying that shes home. I worked a 9-5 job so we usually do that whenever we go out and the other person stays in. This was on a weekday.
The next day we say good morning to each other. I sent her a few cheesy text messages before she goes to work but then she tells me she's not going because she's not feeling well. Then I get the infamous text of "I have to talk to you" after one my cheesy text messages LOL.
I tried asking why, she doesn't want to tell me through the phone, only in person.
From that moment on I knew it was something serious.
She did something stupid or that she wanted to break up. This was around 1pm and the anxiety for the next few hours was killing me.
So we meet at my house, she pretty much straight up told me that the night before she wasn't at her friend's house. That she was with a guy (the co-worker) and that they kissed. She was sobbing, crying telling me how sorry she was, the whole nine yards. The funny part is that I was prepared to hear something of that nature, so it wasn't as shocking as it should be.
She begged me to not break up with her, I told her that it was over without going into too much details of what actually happened the night before. She then proceeded to tell me that he tried taking it farther but she declined.
The way I saw it was, who spends 4 hours at another guy's house and only kiss? The way I see it they had full blown make out session for more than a few hours. The thought of that image killed me for a quite a bit.
I told her that I wanted to take a few months to think and that we'll talk one day.
Now forward to today. It has been almost 2 months of no contact. I mean none. She tried texting during valentines but I ignored it. I have tried to get back in touch with my old friends, go out, be more social, find hobbies, etc. All with the intention of moving forward in a positive way. After the last time I talked to her I have pretty much known that it'll be a 99.9% chance of me not taking her back. But somehow I feel that I might have been exaggerating in the way I completely wanted to end things.
I still have feelings for this girl and have been thinking about the situation every day since it happened. One day I feel anger and resent. Other days I have tried to find a good reason to go back but so far nothing has made me call her again. I was heart broken and felt betrayed.
This is where predicament comes though.
During my relationship I have had moments where I have not been a good boyfriend.
1. During our initial months of dating, she caught me texting a friend about how I wanted to get another girl's number and how nice her butt was.
2. I behave like guy with my other guy friends.
3. I have gone out a few times with friends and have danced with girls while she was at home. (She didn't approve of me dancing with other girls).
4. I have gone to strip joints multiple times and have done more than just looking during private sessions (not all the way by the way).
At the same time, I am in my mid 20's I feel like I need to enjoy life a little more. It sounds selfish but that's how I feel. I can take this chance and "re-invent" myself and see what else its out there. I really have feelings for this girl but at the same time I know it won't be the same and it will take lots to make it work again. Especially when it comes to trust, I don't want to be in a relationship where I am thinking about where or who she's with. I don't want to be in that situation.
Do you guys think I'm exaggerating or would you give her a second chance? I know every mind and situation is different but please let me know your thoughts. I wanted to vent out and get some opinions.
Sorry for the long post and bad grammar in some occasions.
Thanks!!
