Need advice on getting out of the cycle of "the friend zone"
Hey guys, first off I'd like to thank whoever reads this, I greatly appreciate the time you're taking to read a problem that I'm sure has been addressed millions of times. So, my name is Eric and I've kinda fallen for a girl. For now, I'll call her Jane. (Cliche I know). So I've known Jane for quite some time, in fact I've worked with her for a little under two years. After getting to know her, my feelings became stronger and stronger until one day I decided to just let it out. Already known to me at the time, she had a boyfriend of about 2 years, but this didn't stop me. I told her of my feelings, and dropped the L word. Quite frankly, I wasn't afraid to use it because I knew it wasn't far from the truth. This girl completely plows through the walls I've created around myself and disarms me in every sense of the word, which leaves me a vulnerable and squishy mess. Worst of all, she needs only to be herself to do this.
Anyway, I tell Jane my feelings, and I get the expected response. Shock that I used the word, and defensive because she has a boyfriend. Yet, despite all that, she was curious. Extremely curious. This lead me to believe there was something more, something under the surface that maybe she had been dealing with for a while. Well, as time went on, she in fact grew more and more curious and continued to prod me for information. Things like "Do you think about me a lot?" would come up, and because of the disarming, I would comply (reluctantly sometimes) and tell her. This would sometimes lead to more than usual flirting, but other times this would lead to her admitting things to me, things like her attraction towards me, and feeling of regret because she wasn't able to know me more to figure out which would have been the better choice; me or the current boyfriend.
This behavior continued for months, and it grew every time. It came to the point where she and I would have conversations about personal things, like if either had thought of the other sexually, and when. Stuff that would make Jane a very single woman, very fast. Eventually, Jane admitted to me that she was thinking about breaking up with this boyfriend of hers. She added that she had been thinking about it for quite some time, and wasn't sure she was happy. The guy was good enough, but being on the verge of a proposal spooked her. She also admitted that her attraction to me, being more physical than romantic, had become so strong that she felt that if she swept this under the rug, she would end up cheating on this boyfriend.
Eventually Jane broke up with the boyfriend, and immediately came to my apartment the night after and spent most of it getting close, making out tons, and sleeping with me. This was a dream come true to me, but she expressed concern of my emotional state. She didn't want a relationship, and she didn't want to get my hopes up too early. Anyway, to cut a longer story shorter, the next day was not awkward and she even talked about it as if it were going to continue. But soon after that, she became distant, and withdrew. So eventually told me she wished I didn't have feelings for her, because all of hers belonged to the ex, and realized it was a mistake to break up with him and expressed worry of him not taking her back. So now, I'm stuck in the friend zone yet again. She's dead set on the idea that she and I would never work, despite the near perfect chemistry we share, a chemistry she herself realizes, and has told me that she and her ex have become reunited in a not 100% official relationship. Of course I had to ask what changed the situation from passionate make out session to nothing at all? She admitted that I showed aspects she didn't want in a boyfriend; A sense of desperation in the way I react to things, the dislike that I use cheesy lines, the fact that I do things that are deemed awkward to her, and the fact that I am just a tad shorter than her.
So here's my question; I obviously care about this girl a lot, and despite her apparent inability to do so, I accept her for all of her good traits and her faults and would want nothing more than for something to happen between she and I. Is there a way to get out of the dreaded friend zone and still manage to save the chance of getting this girl for my own? Or is this already a lost cause, doomed to the same fate I have already found myself in? PS: Sorry for the book long post.
