Feel Too Guilty to Break Up with Him!
Hi. Thanks for taking time out to read this. I need help! badly.
I've been in a relationship with a guy for 5 years and 3 months now. He loves me to death. The kind of love you see in movies and read about in books. I know he's the type of guy who will love me till my last breath and always be loyal.
But love is not enough. I want to break up with him. I love him too but I can't continue this relationship.
I was 18 when I started going out with him and I'm 23 now. I am a completely different person now.
My 'type of guy' has changed and he's not my type. He's a big introvert and can't even speak english property (he's from India). We both met in India and he moved here. I was born here in Canada but went to live in India for some time where I met him and then moved back (we are both of the same religion and background though).
I can't stay with him. He loves me and I really care about him too but he's just not sophisticated and lacks class. His personality is dull and boring and he lacks confidence. he can't even have a conversation with anyone and he's scared to talk to 'white' people because he doesn't even know english. His chats are full of grammatical mistakes and that's a big turn off. I'm embarrassed of him.
It's been a long distance relationship for us form the beginning. I know that no guy would be in a long distance relationship for 5 years if he didn't truly love the girl but I need more. I mean we never meet or anything. Never celebrate valentines day/birthdays. We only meet 3 times a year.
In these 5 years of us being together I've never received any flowers, chocolates . nothing. On my birthday he gives me a card. ONly a card. I think that's really cheap and such a turn off. I on the other hand have always gotten him so many presents from my travels to other countries. Who gives someone just a card for their birthday?! See. he lacks sophistication!
I don't care if I marry someone without money or looks. I don't want all that. I simply want an educated guy who knows how to dress up and live life. Someone who is outgoing and talented like me.
Now I have 4 problems:
1) I can't break up with him. I've been trying to break up with him for the past 10 months! Every time I try he becomes very emotional and starts asking me what did I do wrong. And says things like you'll never find someone like me who will love you so much. He just makes me emotional and I feel bad for him and so we continue like normal afterwards. I don't break up because I feel bad for him!
2) I do love him and I wonder that if I break up with him will he survive without me? he probably won't. That makes me feel very guilty. I start crying because I know I'm hurting him and I really do love him a lot and I don't want him to suffer. If I break up with him he will never love someone again or ever be happy and I know he will cry continuously for many many months.
3) I also feel that I might not get anyone like him again. Karma might get back at me and I'll never find anyone who truly loves me and I might end up making a big mistake.
4) I also think that if I leave him what if he changes and becomes amazing all of a sudden and gets some amazing girl and I regret everything and think that I could have been in place of her.
The only reason why i can't break up is because I feel sorry for him and I can't put him through months of depression and ruin his entire life. ANd also because I think I might not get anyone who truly loves me the way he does and that karma will ruin it all for me. But am I really doing something bad? I mean I ever swore at him or cheated on him. I've just changed a lot.
