Need advice on an odd relationship
I have been having what I consider to be an emotional affair relationship for the past 4 or 5 months. This developed out of a friendship with a woman who is in a really unhappy marriage. Her husband is rarely around, and when he is, he treats her like an employee rather than a wife. She says she still loves him and wants the marriage to work, but he doesn't show much interest in this. She says it is getting better, but I don't see it based on what she tells me. They sleep in separate rooms when he does sleep there, and they have not had sex in years. He does provides her exceptional financial stability.
Meanwhile, she texts me all hours of the day, and comes to my house frequently. She is always creating an excuse to come see me. We are very close friends at this point, and nothing sexual has happened. My problem is that what she SAYS and what she DOES are completely different things. She has made it very clear to me she has no intention of leaving her husband, that she sees me as only a very good, if not best friend, but not as a romantic partner. Of course, I am single and in love with her. I know she likes the attention from this.
She has inserted herself into my life to the point that my children love her, and her child is also close with me. Our children are friends. We do a ton of fun stuff together, and when we do, we are literally having the best times of our life. That has been stated not just by her, but by the kids as well.
Here's the big problem: She treats me like a lover (minus the physical stuff). We know what each other is eating throughout the day, and see each other almost every day. We are texting before bed, and when we wake up. She has made some really loving gestures toward me when I was in a really bad place. (Things I don't want to go into here, but things only a really good, true friend would ever do.) She looks me in the eyes like someone who loves me. I'm not trying to ruin her marriage. We became close on accident, I think, from being around mutual friends. But I've never met anyone like her. We are very close to perfect together. I know I will never find anyone like her the rest of my life. (I'm in my early/mid 40s.) I told her I don't believe her when she says she doesn't love me romantically. She absolutely acts like someone who is in love with me. She says, why wouldn't I just leave my husband if that were the case? The last time we had this conversation, I told her I was going to pursue another woman who had shown interest in me, and she turned it up a couple notches, and wanted to know what I was doing every minute of the day. In my mind this was her way of saying, please don't, even though she SAYS, yes you should do that - pursue her.
WOMEN: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???? I've met my best friend, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She is unavailable, but still wants me to be her best friend (of course without the sex - and no this post has nothing to do with that, really.) Is she full of crap? She keeps saying that if I would "just stop feeling that way" our friendship would be perfect.
I'm with Harry, not Sally. My best friend in the world should be my mate. I don't text my best buddies all day long to find out how they are feeling, and what they had for breakfast. This is a relationship. Does she love me? I do believe her when she says she doesn't want to leave him, but the marriage is nothing but a financial agreement at this point. But she doesn't see that, even though most of her friends and family do.
Is it smart for me to walk away from the best friend I ever had, even though it seems that is my only choice? Friends like this don't come around but once in a lifetime.
I should add: I don't know what the typical reader of this forum is. I would appreciate responses from any women, but let me know if you would what your life experience is. The perspective of a 40 year old is much different from that of a 17 year old. Thank you.
