Men, do you think about your girl when you're not with them??

I think about my gf alot yeah, but I also make sure that I dont neglect the other aspects of my life; be it family, studies, my religion, my friends whatever. Actually, reading about what your bf is like, I'm actually quite alot like him. I dont really text her all that much unless I have a reason, I almost never call her, but I do see her out of school 2 or 3 times a week-ish (seeing her in school isnt the same...)

If your bf is anything like me, he's probably just trying to give you space :)


Also, maybe you could look at this a different way. How about seeing it as 'time your not spending on him (be it communicating with him or actually seeing him), can be spent on doing things you enjoy or spending some time with your friends or family. This way you maintain being an individual?

What do you think?

My main annoyance her is that my bf went to another country for a few weeks and prior to him leaving I let him know I would miss him and he reciprocated these feelings and said he would try at least to call/text/email.

I understand that being abroad is very exciting and busy busy, but he didn't text me for over a week and only when I texted out of curiosity to see if he could receive it abroad, did I get one back. So in a way I was disappointed in him for that. :(

Am I expecting too much in the little things..?

Going far away from home can be...overwhelming. Might have something to do with it.

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Originally Posted by Okay [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I see... I don't want to make any rash decisions. I just sometimes feel like I'm not 100% happy, so its weird for me, also because its my first real relationship, I never really am sure of what things are "supposed to be" like.

I've had talks with him before, but it just feels like..
Is it that thing???
Where the man becomes "comfortable" in the relationship, so is no longer is as bothered with making the same effort as initially. Like the effort just slowly diminishes like an old birthday candle..

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How long have you two been dating?

It depends on the guy. Personally, I can't get much emotional satisfaction from my family because they all tend to have emotional problems, nor can I get much from my friends, because they're typical guys without feelings. Because of that, I am always most connected to my girlfriend, when I have one. I think about her a lot, and feel really happy when she contacts me. I contact her as much as I think I can without being overwhelming.

Women makes alot of excuses about why a man doesn't seem to want to contact her. But the main reason is probably he isn't into you as much as you are into him. Does he seem indifferent or cool in his feelings towards you? If he does, then I think he is just not very interested in you. Try to minimalize your texts and phone calls. If he doesn't make initiative in contacting you for a long time (more than a couple of days) then he just isn't into you.

We have known each other for about four years and have been dating seriously for about 2 of those years. Family is important to both of us, we get along all round, his family expect us to get married one day in the future and have blessings for us (which is really lovely). My family have not discussed any marriage things too seriously, because they see me as too young for anything, which is true at this moment in time (I will be 22 soon). But anyyyyway that is going off topic.. :/ But I thought I'd mention that to emphasize how deep we are into this relationship and how "into" each other we are.

As I said he didn't text/contact me since he went on this holiday for a week, until I texted him first. I understand he is probably very busy and so I have calmed down a little and am trying to not make a big fuss out of it anymore..

I think perhaps he is the type of guy who is generally a wellrounded almost 'perfect' guy, whom is wonderful to be with, sugary sweet and if I am upset with him.. he will panic and do his best to resolve the problem. I feel that as it is also his first real relationship too, he is probably sometimes not sure of what he is supposed to be doing.

What are we supposed to be doing..?? :sad2:

Alot of the time I overthink things, but then I realise that perhaps the person who is messing up the relationship is me... If I toughened up and stopped thinking stupidly then maybe I wouldn't be down like this... maybe I need therapy..

The one thing I'm kind of concerned about is that he will scramble to fix things with you immediately with one whiff of you getting upset. Maybe that's a good thing, but as you noticed after a few weeks it goes back to the same.

He has to want to do it of his own free volition, I don't think you should need to guilt him into doing things for you. Because doing things to make you happy isn't because he wants to do them, its to make you not upset. It's not genuine. You see?

I'm not the spitting image of a perfect boyfriend, my ex girlfriend really dug into me about the not texting calling and all that. I didn't really go along with it, and she cried and begged and it made things worse for us. It scared me for her to be so dependant on me. When she finally stopped doing that and gave me a little space, I noticed that we weren't talking and I put more effort in. However, by then, she was ready to dump me.
It's not that I didn't care about her, I just had some other things going on and her constant need drove me away. I'm sure your boyfriend is more mature and more well rounded than me, but I think that it'll have the same effect.


You've already expressed that he should do it and if it keeps goin back to the same, I'd just give him some space on it. We tend to not notice things until they are gone, right?

well my girl just left me and yeah i thought and talked to her 24/7 cause i loved her and she meant everything to me.. i mean she was like my main thing when i was with her.. but now she's gone :(

Why are they gone..?

I mean I admit sometimes I get myself so worked up that I almost feel like breaking it off myself, but self control stops me.. and a little personal reasoning..

Actually wait, I know why they are gone.
It is because like me they had had enough and felt the other side was being selfish and not serious about the relationship. :upset:
It's like emotional neglect...

Like it is that difficult to keep in touch!!
When there is so much freaking amazing technology out there!
FFS! I have had enough!
He goes off and does whatever he wants to his hearts content and expects me to be there for him on a whim and yet when I need him I get next to nothing!

You're right, he doesn't change, hasn't changed and I don't know if his halfassed behaviour will ever change.

Sorry about all the exclaimation marks.. I had to vent...
I can't sleep right now because of all this horrible stuff running through my mind.. I just need to get it out there :(

Has he always been this way? Meaning, did he try harder to contact you when you first started dating?

I was talking to someone last night about this exact same situation. It is annoying, and was actually a deciding factor when I dumped my ex. It literally takes 4 seconds to send a text like "How's your day going?".

Keep in mind that people usually treat others the way they want to be treated. He may not text you all that often, because it's not important to him to be texted every day. It doesn't mean he's not thinking of you.

Geez.. what did we ever do before texting? I miss the good 'ol days when you were lucky to catch someone at home on the phone.

He used to text/call every single day, and he was the one who initiated most of them. So now that he is away, it literally feels like he has forgotten, or has chosen to ignore the fact he has a girlfriend, who would like to know how he is and just generally like a little contact :(

It's how relationships typically go. He is falling into the comfort zone. The more time you spend with each other, the more you get to know each other, the less you really have to talk about. It soon goes from what you talk about, to just the gesture of it.

I was always concerned I was boring my ex and didn't have much to say. I liked having a day or two inbetween to live a little life to relay to her something. I thought about it way too much. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, don't take it personal.

Think about this in terms of you. Do you really need somebody to call and text you multiple times a day to keep this relationship going? Do you need constant reminders that he cares and is thinking about you? Are you feeling insecure because you don't know how you feel about him or he feels about you? This might be more about you than you think.

Its ok, I realise everything is never what it seems. Love is weird for me that way..
I am just happy that he loves me and I love him. He came to the realization that he is in the wrong, and felt guilty for making me upset (again).

I don't need texts/calls multiple times a day, but I'd like to be in touch at least every few days if not everyday. And I admit I have been insecure at times, I have personal issues... I always have, but they make me who I am. If anything perhaps my bf and I are together because his personality allows him to handle me. Also I realize I cannot rely on anyone else's opinions but my own in the end, because listening to my close friends advices, just proved that they were wrong. Thank you guys for all your help, when I felt like I had no where else to turn to. xx