Quote:
There are many who could just as easily say that by NOT having children you are not enjoying a full life. You are very mistaken if you think a parent lacks a life and identity, LOL.
I'm sure there are. I hope parents have their own life and identity; maybe I've just met too many stay-at-home moms who are so wrapped up in their kids that they no longer have a life.
Quote:
Its very difficult to do well and generally, it is the children who suffer from this unnatural juggling act. So, from that perspective, it IS selfish to take on the responsibility of children and not give them your absolute best. And best isn't money, its your TIME. Particularly in cases where the parents CAN afford to have one parent stay at home. I fully acknowledge this isn't always the case (tho I would argue perhaps they shouldn't be having children then).
It may be more difficult, but I think it can be done. Having one parent not working is not the best situation for every child. Especially once the kids start school, it's not necessary to have a parent at home all day.
Quote:
You may note from my last post I make no distinction b/t women or men. There are plenty of men who take paternity leave to stay home with baby. I don't think they feel a loss of identity or a lack of a life. Check your biases.
Paternity leave is a few weeks or months, if I understand it. Of course, in the US, we don't have paternity leave at all (many workplaces don't even offer paid maternity leave anymore). But it's not long-term. Very few men are willing to give up their career for the rest of their life and become full-time stay-at-home dads. And I can't blame them for not wanting to do that, yet they expect it from their wives.
Quote:
I'd be thrilled if I got to stay home with the kids all day (if I ever have them). I love children. It would be a lot of work, but incredibly fulfilling.
That's rare. Any woman would be lucky to have you. ;-)
Quote:
Shelly, since you have NO desire whatsoever to ever have kids you will never understand how a stay at home parent of either sex can feel fulfilled. At the same time I cannot understand how a female can completely cut the idea of kids out of her head. That just seems so... unnatural to me. I can understand not wanting kids 'right now' and I can understand being fearful of being a bad parent. Never wanting kids confounds me. I don't think you will ever get your head around the mums out there that are completely content being wives and mums and not doing much else. Some women dream of that when they're little girls, it's all they want. A nice husband, a nice home and lots of kids. I don't get that either to be honest.
You're exactly right. I understand that some people want that and they're happy doing it, but I can't relate. Just like women who dream of having kids can't relate to me not wanting them. I guess I have this attitude because most of the stay-at-home moms I know just don't seem very happy (including my own mother). They seem worn-out, for the most part. I know they love their kids and this is what they wanted, but they do an awful lot of complaining, lol. It's understandable, since they have a very demanding job and it's 24/7, but they don't seem happy anymore. I guess I just haven't met the happy ones.
Quote:
Never wanting kids confounds me.
LOL, this is how I feel about people who don't want pets. How could anyone not want dogs or cats, or both? Doesn't make any sense to me. :-)
Quote:
For me, I love my man and I love my little boy. They are not the be all and end all for me though. I am just as much a waitress, a painter, a daughter and a friend as I am a mother and a housewife. I don't think I would cope too well if I let any part of me die off. It's a juggling act but it is worth it.
It's good to know that there are women who manage to keep all the other parts of themselves when they become mothers. I think it's too common for women to abandon all other aspects of their lives when they have kids. And I don't think the kids benefit from that either, especially when they get old enough to realize how much their mother has sacrificed. When I was a kid, for the longest time I assumed that my mom hated her job (she was a teacher before she had kids). One day we were talking and I asked why she didn't like her job, and she said "I loved my job! I always wanted to be a teacher." I couldn't understand why someone would quit a job they loved, and she said it was because she had kids. She thought it was best for us if she stayed home, but I don't know if it was best for her. I was old enough to feel guilty, I know that much.
