Eh, my confidence is great with virtually everything I do except talking to girls I like, then I just freeze up and over think everything. I'm no porn star but I know my size is not an issue, its psychological because I fear rejection. In fact I'm even extremely confident of my skills in bed because I really do know what I'm doing, its just the approach... Damn its hard sometimes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
wtf vash. I am etc... nobody loves the etc...Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
God I hate an arrogant bastard. I really do. I'd rather have a poor fat balding guy with zero confidence than someone who thinks he's God's gift to women. I've been there, done that, and it was hands down the worst relationship of my life. There are too many great guys out there to settle for a jerk, IMO.
A lot of guys, no... MOST guys think that they are confident people. But in my opinion, if you can't talk to ladies, you are not confident. It may seem like a silly little difference in semantics, but I believe that most things are in the details.Quote:
Originally Posted by Severed_Heart [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And I am almost positive that you are not even as confident as you think in other areas of your life. Maybe you are, but I doubt it.
When I was a kid and all the way up until I was in college, I was too shy to even ask for extra ketchup at McDonald's. If they screwed my order up, I just sat down and ate it anyway. I'd always rationalize it like, "Oh I don't care anyway... I'm a real laid back easy going guy." But that was just the bullshit we tell ourselves so that we don't feel like a punk ass bitch... which I was.
Then I moved to Europe for school. Got a job over there. Learned to speak German and French for my job. Went all over the world for this job, to northern Africa, pretty much every country in western Europe, and even Russia. I forced myself to do a culinary apprenticeship for 4 years as well in Europe, so I got really used to being yelled at.
And after all that "real life" trial by fire, I was suddenly no longer scared to ask for ketchup at McDonald's. I am also very up front, and outspoken. I don't have a problem interfacing with strangers. I never shy away from opportunities to meet new people in a professional setting. By all outward accounts I am a total "man about town." But ALLLLL of that is just learned behavior. I am not a lick more confident now than I was when I was 13.
I just learned intuitively that if I am upfront and look people in the eye, and shake their hand, then they won't dominate me. If I give off the impression of confidence then people will consider me a force to be reckoned with, and will see me as an equal, if not a superior. None of this has anything to do with genuine self-confidence. If anything, it has to do with the opposite.
Even when I talk to ladies, I have to have the setting just right before I can really pull it off without feeling soooo incredibly awkward. When I meet a girl at a bar, it is usually because she is sitting close to my table and she overhears something I am talking about, or one of my friends comments on what they are talking about, and somehow (OTHER THAN ME) we get to talking, and then I am golden all day long. But just a cold call, walk across the bar, look her in the eyes, and say, "Hey, how are you doing tonight?" Don't think I've ever done it.
But again... everyone you ask would say that I am a confident dude. But I'm working on it. For me a little planning, strategy, and awareness helps. I am reading Neil Strauss' "The Rules of the Game." Now, it has it's ridiculousness as well, and I would never try to memorize dumb ass pick up scenarios, one liners, or all the acronyms etc. But just knowing that 99.99% of the time, if a woman is interested in you, she will touch her hair, or do something with her hair while you are talking to her... that to me was a tip that helps me so much. Because, let's face it, I can't just bake a loaf of confidence for myself once a week. I have to mine it out of myself, and if me seeing a girl touch her hair while I am around gives me the confidence to "go for it", then I'm all about that.
Good luck man. This shit is harder than it looks!
That is a lie. All arrogant guys I run into have hot girlfriends.Quote:
Originally Posted by VioletB [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Never mind this proves it.Quote:
Originally Posted by VioletB [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
.Quote:
Originally Posted by VioletB [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yet, you settled for a jerk? How many of those evil, egomaniacal, "dangerous Nice Guys" that Pisces7378 warns you about did you have to run off before you found "the worst relationship of (your) life?"
How many do you think you'll run off before you settle for your next jerk?
.Quote:
Originally Posted by pisces7378 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Oh, good: It's science is it? "Nice Guy" is some sort of pathological condition, is it? Scientifically? You've got studies to prove that a guy who treats women with respect and consideration is a dangerous psychopath?
Well, then, no wonder women ought to prefer the self-confident, assertive , chest-thumpers: "Me Tarzan... you piece of f**kmeat." No wimpy pathology there, is there?
I said I dated that type of guy once. It was a mistake, which I learned from. I also learned that not every person with an excess of arrogance comes across that way initially. But I guess neither OnlyVirgins or Chump4u has ever dated someone that was incompatible in any way. They are apparently too perfect for mistakes. Yeah, a lot of those arrogant guys are walking around with hot girlfriends. It's unfortunate, but there are a lot of women out there who either like that, or haven't learned from the mistake yet.
Don't be a d-bag. I never said that men who treat women nicely are dangerous or psychopaths. I am referring to men that do not have the self-confidence to approach women, but consider themselves as "Nice Guys".Quote:
Originally Posted by chump4u [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Here's a little "Am I a Nice Guy" test.
Have you ever...
1. Said "I love you" to someone, so that they'd say "I love you too." Or gotten upset when they do not respond the way you want?
2. Done something for someone with no strings attached, but the brought it up later in a fight?
3. Exaggerated just a little (or a lot) because you wanted someone else to like you.
4. Done something for your partner, even though it meant that now you would suffer. example: Giving them $50 to pay their rent, but now you can't pay off your credit card this month.
5. Told someone (or even thought to yourself) that they will never meet someone that cares for them as much as you do.
If you answer yes to any of these questions, that doesn't automatically mean you have "Nice Guy Syndrome". But it is a strong indicator that you are an approval seeker, and if you answer yes to two or more... sorry pal, you are a "Nice Guy", and you'd better examine your behavior before you put someone through the wild ride of trying to break it off with a "Nice Guy".
You can twist it all around and try to make me look like some snake oil salesman all you want, but trust me, I know what I am talking about. Dudes that consider themselves nice guys, can very easily become needy, clingy, victim-faces with zero self-confidence. And these are some of the most dangerous people on Earth for women to date.
I'm sure there is a female equivalent to male "Nice Guy Syndrome", but I have mostly focused on males in all my studies. So I stick with what I know.
Sorry, but I can't help it. I used to be a "Nice Guy" (though not by your definition), but a number of life-encounters with assorted cheats, sluts, and users forced me to adjust my attitude a bit. Even at that, I don't consider myself a d-bag-- more of a practicing a-hole.Quote:
Originally Posted by pisces7378 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My answers for your nasty little self-diagnostic "test:"Quote:
Originally Posted by pisces7378 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Have I ever
1...Said "I love you" to someone, and hoped to get "I love you" back. Yes
2...Done something for someone with no strings attached? Yes, many times.
3...Exaggerated just a little to impress my girl? Hell yes...haven't you?
4...Done something for my partner, even though it meant that I would "suffer?" Yes, many times, and gladly.
5...Told someone that I love them very much, and forever?Yes, unfortunately, a couple of times.
Wow, somebody call a cop! I'm one of "the most dangerous people on Earth!"
......
The problem with your little quack-diagnosis is that you assign disgusting motives to innocent, or even praiseworthy, actions. I don't say "I love you" as an emotional trap, don't do kindnesses for others so that I can throw guilt at them later, don't practice generosity as a means of getting control over others, and on, and on, right through all of the sordid little motives you ascribe to every act of decency and kindness.
No doubt you'll protest that you don't mean that every guy who does all of your "diagnostic five" does them out of evil motives, but you give no alternatives. Using your list-- using any of the standards you've presented in several posts-- a person simply has to assume evil motives, so that when, say, a girl's boyfriend tells her that he'll love her 'til the stars no longer shine, her only option is to run away screaming. You leave no possibility that the poor guy might have decent feelings backing his words.
That's not snake oil you're selling, it's snake shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by pisces7378 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Chump4u, Uhmmm... whatever man. Have fun! :D