Feeling down about myself after the break up.

[Knoxane]

Recently i just got out of a 3 year long and really unhealthy and bad relationship. My partner was emotionally and verbally abusive. I finally got the strength to end the relationship and walk away, but I feel down about myself. Looking back this relationship has stripped me of who I thought I was. I feel like I no longer know who I am. I feel foolish and stupid for ever letting myself be with such a horrible person and giving them my all and having no respect. I gave him everything I had. Prior to the relationship I felt strong, confident, intelligent, happy and like I had strong morals. Now I don't feel any of that. I have turned into a liar, lying to my friends and family about this relationship and about my happiness. Risking friendships and deceiving my dearest friends. I feel like I have just been putting on an act for everyone around and it has made me be angry towards everyone. Blaming everyone for my unhappiness. I feel like a monster. Towards the end of the relationship I have emotionally cheated on my partner such as going on dates with other people and kissing them and at times thought it was acceptable because of how he treated me. I feel ashamed for doing that and like a failure and such a bad person. I feel like I did this to myself and this all happened because of me and that I deserve to never be trusted or loved again. I feel awful too for how I acted when my abuser was abusing me because I would try to be respectful but eventually I couldn't take it anymore and I would call him names and put him down. I feel awful for ever stooping to his level, and I try to look online for advice but I feel like I can never relate to anyone because they seem to be all victims having been innocent and abused but I feel like I was the perpetrator. I just feel disappointed and ashamed in myself. Everything I thought I would never become I did.

[woody]

You must stop being so hard on yourself. By reading what you've said, you already have an understanding of any uncharacteristic actions on your part and to continue beating yourself up does you no favours.
Your moving on now; feeling slightly bruised and worn is natural. Hindsight is always more clear than when we're in it.
Give yourself time. 3 years is a chunk of life but you have learned allot in the process right? Right.

You must be careful not to linger on all the past hurts. You left him; sure you did some things (like going on dates and kissing) that at the time you justified. Obviously you were in need and obviously you knew deep down that he wasn't the one for you. Be glad and stocked you finally broke free and are now getting back to yourself.
Wiser, stronger and willing to embrace your new life....
Break up's are always hard. Go easy on yourself. Everything will be alright....