Feeling very lost - complicated relatiomnship / break up. Could really do with advice

[KirstyLou]

Hi Guys,

I'm new to this forum. My name's Kirsty, 26yrs old, I work in Marketing and live in the UK. Kind of a long story, but here goes:

I met my ex over a year ago. We were together 7 months previously. It didn't work out because he wasn't over his ex and wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Although we had feelings for each other, we couldn't move forward until he was ready so I respected this and we ended things. We have mutual friends and tried to stay friends. Over the next 6 months a lot happened. We still messed around, with a lot of feelings floating around from both of us. Then before I went on holiday in August I gave him an ultimatum. Either we start fresh together or we don't. He messaged me everyday of my 18 day holiday, same as always with us - lots of banter, and getting along like the best of friends, flirting etc. The day I got home, he came round and I could sense a change. We started dating again and everything went really well. 3 weeks ago he said he wasn't ready for committment, could we stay friends and who knows what will happen in the future.

I've had time to think. In my opinion we never discussed what happened in the 6 month period we weren't together, the hurt etc. We didn't really close that period off and have a fresh start. We were together, broke up, messed around, then were together again. We never really had closure and a new beginning.

Since the breakup we have text most days, hung out with mutual friends, hung out just us. Then this weekend is where I messed up. He was going to come round on Sunday and help me decorate. On the Saturday we were texting, I said I was off out into town (dancing / drinking). I didn't text him all night, then I get a text saying "Your ex is ugly and can't dance loL" - so he'd gone from no plans, to being out where I was and sending texts like that. I was out with some male friends. He saw me and one at the bar, gave me a nasty look and shoved past me. I was quite drunk, and this upset me. He then went and sat with a girl who I know is a friend of his - nothing else. Long story short, one of my exes cheated on me with her so I am not her biggest fan - and said current ex didn't know this. She was flirty with him, knowing I was watching. I made the mistake of when he was on his own going over to him. He said something, so I pushed him, not hard, and said stay away from me. And walked off. I instantly regretted it. That's not me - emotions were running high and I'd had too much drink. He then text me that he hoped I'd die and burn.

Yesterday I had a text about some joggers he was missing which were at mine. I asked if we could talk about sat - how sorry I was, but he hadn't apologised for what he had said. He told me I stood no chance of an apology, I messed up and he didn't want to be friends and to cut ties.

He made similar-ish threats in the 6 months we weren't apart.

I just want some help and advice on how to get him back. When we are together everything really is great - I wouldn't fight so much for someone I love if it wasn't. Friends say how great a couple we are, but I feel when we have broken up he turns into someone different. Like Jekyll and Hyde. Since we ended he keeps asking about other guys etc - it's like jealousy/insecurity is ok from him....but not this one time from me.

Do you guys think he is just angry and needs time to cool off? Do I do the no contact rule and wait from him to contact me now? He is someone I've always felt things were different with, like there was a future, and a spark that I can't explain. I can always be 100% myself with him. The last text I sent yesterday in response to him was "You have to do what you feel is right, and if that's hating me then maybe that is the right thing. But I have apologised a lot. I hope you have a great holiday, xmas and new year. Take care x".

Please somebody help me - I don't want to lose him. I really feel in my gut this is something I need to fight for - just in the right way. Without coming across as desperate.

Please someone help me.

[smackie9]

Why do you want him back? It's obvious that he was never ready to be in a relationship you wanted.....or you were not the one for him...ever thought of that? That could be the reason why it never worked out in the first place? Sure he found you attractive enough to date BUT on an emotinal level it just wasn't happening for him.