Am I too optimistic? Share your fairytale!

[Ellele]

Okay, this is a far stretch from the last thread I posted on this forum. This time last year, I was an absolute mess because my boyfriend of many years cheated on me. And thankfully, I don't even remember what it feels like to be in such a dark place. Anyway, I'm not writing this post to brag about how unbelievably happy I am, I'm writing because I'm genuinely concerned about my optimism about meeting someone new. Ever since I was young, I've always hoped that I would be married before I was 24. And I realize many people believe that's too young but I feel like it's the perfect age for me. I am currently 19 years old and I always have dreams about meeting the right guy soon and I have this beautiful picture painted in my head of what he looks like, his career, his personality, and seriously anything else you can think of! And this may sound strange, but I'm afraid that I may be jinxing my chances of finding that somebody. I'm still young and I've got quite a long way to go before I want to settle down but my options are quite limited. My strict culture requires me to marry within my own race and religion and I've never had a problem with it, it's just I'm not attracted to ANY of the guys I know that are Kurdish (my ethnicity). It's quite sad. I always imagined that I'd meet the perfect Kurdish guy in college (which I haven't yet) or during my time in the Peace Corps (which I hope to in a few years). Anyway, it just seems like the expectations I have for my life are quite frankly unrealistic. I just know that something that will cheer me up are stories of how you met your loved ones, or a time you felt the same way I did. I don't know what I'm looking for but I know I haven't found it yet and this may just ease my mind a bit. Thank you!

[basilandthyme]

I say this as someone who's been with the love of her life for over 20 years.

Yes, you're quite right about being unrealistic. You're in love with a fantasy. And your fantasy guy simply doesn't exist. You're setting yourself up for a great degree of lonliness if you don't get more realistic about what constitutes a great guy.

How about this for a list of what to look for:

Someone who I always look forward to seeing (yes, I still look forward to my guy coming home each night)
Someone who makes me laugh
Someone who has a good job
Someone who wants the same things I do
Someone who shares my morals and ethics
Someone who understands me
Someone who respects me
Someone who works well with me in the bedroom

Open your mind to what is out there. There are a lot of great men out there - but until you open your mind to the potential of things outside your self restricted views, you won't see them.

[Sweetplace]

Yes, you're quite right about being unrealistic. You're in love with a fantasy. And your fantasy guy simply doesn't exist. You're setting yourself up for a great degree of lonliness if you don't get more realistic about what constitutes a great guy.

This is probably the main reason why many girls are still alone.

[RayOfLight]

Hi, Ellele.


There is nothing bad with having a clear picture of the man you want to be with. I think it's important though to strike a happy medium - decide for yourself what features/characteristics are absolutely essential to your future husband, and about which you can be more flexible.

You are right - you are still too young. And chances are that the picture of your perfect guy will be changing over time.

But fairly tales do exist, just, maybe, not exactly the way of Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty.

My friend met her husband online, and they had kind of "fairy-tale movie like" story.

They lived in different cities, and she ventured to go to his place and see him. And she liked him even more in reality. She kept shuffling between two cities for some time, then moved to him. They lived together for a couple of years, than decided to get married.

But just the day before the wedding she freaked out, and rushed to the airport to get back to her native city. Luckily she missed the plane, and her would-be husband found her in the airport and talked into changing her mind and staying with him.

They've been married for four years by now.

Just keep searching, be proactive. Be a modern and up-to-date princess who doesn't spend her lifetime sleeping and waiting for a magic kiss to wake her up.

Try some dating sites (kovla.com , etc.). Online you can find men within your ethnic group, ask about their interests, background, etc. Just don't miss the right guy when you meet him)))

Best luck to you.