Bad reaction to unexpected pregnancy

[KathyOB]

Me and best friend have been dating these two guys (also best friends) for nearly 2 years. We had known them for a few years before we started dating. We both taught they were two of the nicest guys we ever met, very friendly, great fun to be around etc. Everything was going great until we both became pregnant. My friend became pregnant 2 weeks before I did, she didn't tell anyone but then I found out I was pregnant and told her after a few days and she told me, we decided to tell the our boyfriends together so we did and they did not react well. They left pretty fast and got very drunk, they didn't answer our calls for days but after a few days agreed to meet up with us and they both said to rid of the babies (my friend is 10 weeks and I'm 8 weeks) but we told them we don't think we want to, we just don't think we could do it. They then said sorry but they want nothing to with the babies or us if we keep them. We just can't believe it. The guys are 20 and 21 and me and my friend are 22. They are both still in college (in 3rd year of college now) and have plans to travel for a while with a few of their friends after college (possibly for a year or more) we were originally going to travel with them. They said there is no way they are changing their plans and ruining their life's over babies. We are both very upset over this. Why are they acting like this now, everything was great until we got pregnant. What are we going to do?

[woody]

Hey Dear Ladies,

Congrats by the way.
But as far as these two young men go, the pregnancies were not planned. Both of you got pregnant; the boys may be feeling stunned and shocked, scared sh__less at the moment and cannot think straight. They may be feeling trapped. Still, their behaviour has told you both much about their true test of character and I'd ask, would you really want Father figures like that anyway. That being said however, with some time and space for reflection, they may eventually come around and see clearer.
Yet you must prepare to gather your strengths. Your both very far along already and by the sounds of it, wish to become Mothers. Just be prepared to have each other through this because by the sounds of it, you won't be able to rely on the young men for much of anything, at least, at this stage of their lives. But many men are not much help anyway when baby is young so, hey, at least you two ladies have each other.. as would the babies.
Get on those vitamins... Remember, as little stress as possible.

You wouldn't be the first nor will either of you be the last to raise babies on her own. and remember, for many men, being a Father doesn't hit them fully until they hold and see their daughter or son for the first time. So Concentrate on your selves and your babes; when you think about it, that's all that really matters anyway.

[Wakeup]

Why would you want to have a baby when you're only half-way through your schooling and get pregnant by guys that have plans to NOT settle down with you?

My advice: have the abortions. You are both within a safe gestation period to have such a proceedure so: support one another through the emotional turmoil and then get on with your young lives without these two guys in your lives (they've flown the coop anyway.)

If you're (imo) silly enough to go through with the pregnancy then go see your lawyer and get child-support payments in the works. These guys can't expect to have sex and not have to bear the consequences of a pregnancy should it occur. Just because they don't want anything to do with you or their child it doesn't mean their responsibilities should be non-existent as well.

I do hope that you two were not silly enough to let them have sex with you without a condom on or you being on birth control. At the age of 20+ you should know enough to be safe and protected from having unplanned children.

[breathe123]

I'm not shocked by their reactions, they wanted sex & something casual & a baby ruins it for them ( too much responsibility now ) ~ odd you were dating them for two years & they bolted that fast though. Did no one use condoms or birth control at all? Something doesn't seem right with this story, what are you leaving out?

[basilandthyme]

>>but we told them we don't think we want to, we just don't think we could do it. <<

We, we, we, we.

A pregnancy should be discussed between a girl and her partner. Not decided in cahoots with her best friend.

From the point of view of the boys: Two best friends get pregnant at the same time. Can't possibly be coincidence. They are looking at the issue in terms of what they will do together instead of each individual couple sorting it out between them. Obviously the girls planned this together and tricked us.

Heck, if one of you was my daughter, and I was listening to your joint timing and joint attitudes, I'd think that you planned this with your best friend and I'd be furious with you.

Sorry hon, but this is how it looks from the outside. I'm not surprised that they've walked away from you.

[Laurie]

Goodness me regardless of how it happened and why you are both now pregnant. If you choose to continue with the pregnancy then you need to be grow up and take responsibility its a tough choice to be a single mum (I know I am one) your lives will change dramatically. You know the lads have no interest so therefore you need to ensure they pay their way (something I didn't do but that's a long story). I also got pregnant a second time (I won't go into those reasons) had an abortion at 16 weeks gestation and its not as traumatic as you may believe... Sad yes but you get over it. Think deep in your heart (s) finish school and have a child with the man who wants to be with you and love you or become a mum and fight with a man who has no interest and doesn't love you and doesn't want to be a dad. Think hard but act fast.