cant get over what she did/ how i acted

[jasn88cubs]

cant get over what she did/ how i acted

In July of 2014 I started dating this girl I met. We started taking it slow and we didnt jump into anything really serious at the start. she was in her last semester of college and working a full time job along with a part time job.

Though as we kept progressing we started to get more feelings for each other and we became more serious even though we both sort of held back our true feelings for each other. i fell hard for her. she was thoughtful, caring and just a sweet girl. she was marriage material

In november she told me was going to visit her friend in texas , he is in the military and was going to be getting shipped out i wa sort of annoyed and found it a little suspicious. she said he was just a good friend and i had nothing to worry about, she just wanted to see him before he was shipped off. i decided to not fret over it

she went there and stayed about 2 days. when she came back i could tell something was different . just the way she was texting. i knew something was up but wanted her to tell me without e questioning. a week after she got back she dumped me. i asked why and she said that she was just to busy with school and had no idea where life would take her after she graduated

then 3 days after that this texting conversation happened

her: i got married. thats why we broke up
me: excuse me?
her: i got married
me: what the hell do you mean you got married
her: ummi married a male i am in love with
me: when the **** did this happen?!?!?!
her: when i went to texas
me: are you ****ing kidding me??!!?
her: it just happened all of a sudden
me: was this planned
her not really
me: didnt you tell me i had nothing to worry about?
her: yes
me: and?!?!?!?!
her: im sorry
me: ****ing bull****..why the hell did you date me and tell me you loved me if you loved this guy
her: well hes in the military..we had a pact we would get married 5 years from now but he wanted to now
me: thanks..glad to now i was just a time waster
her: you werent. i do like you. hes just more compatible. i was gonna end up with him no matter what
me: then why waste my time
her: i dont see it as a time waster...we both learned
me: this is so ****ing stupid
her:i love him...i couldnt dream of a better man coming into my life...hes not better than you at all and you are wonderful..me and him just have more in common.
me: wow
her: im sorry i never meant to hurt you


i didnt talk to her for like a week later afer i stopped contact with her she texted me saying she was gonna divorce him and she truly loved me and she made a mistake

we started dating again but i was sort of wondering why i was. i guess love was in my head.she said we could have sex and all that there was a couple times where i didnt put the effort into it as i should have by goin and seeing her (she lived 45 mins away)

she dumped me again for not putting in effort

i was upset and tried and tried to get her back but she wouldnt

we didnt talk for like a month and i got drunk and texted her and tried and she said no then the next day she said shes glad she didnt do anything with me while she has been married because she loves hm more and could never do that and that he made her feel special and i lacked the confidence that he had

she also said i came off as annoying and controlling and a little clingy after the she dumped me after she said i wasnt putting in effort

i told her i was just confused and didnt know what to do/ how do you love someone yet stil get married


i havent talked to her since but i feel really down on myself for being a bitch and actually getting with her

i basically feel ashamed of myself and disgusted

i cnat figure out why i actually gave her a chance and why i was being desperate

[michelle23]

Learn from it and set boundaries for yourself so you never allow someone to treat you so poorly again. You cannot expect anyone to respect you if you don't respect you and certain people will walk all over you if you let them. When someone has low self esteem and they get rejected, it makes them want that person to want them more because they need validation. You need to work on your self esteem and realize that a girl like this is not worth your time and you can do better.

[jasn88cubs]

Learn from it and set boundaries for yourself so you never allow someone to treat you so poorly again. You cannot expect anyone to respect you if you don't respect you and certain people will walk all over you if you let them. When someone has low self esteem and they get rejected, it makes them want that person to want them more because they need validation. You need to work on your self esteem and realize that a girl like this is not worth your time and you can do better.

damn maybe i do have self esteem ugh

[jasn88cubs]

maybe i was confused?

[willisandmatt]

wow


what do i say


to answer your question

you were hurt confused. she still has feelings and was playing with your mind

[Move_Along91]

damn maybe i do have self esteem ugh

Your situation kind of sounds like mine in a way. She left me for her ex boyfriend, but no marriage happened. Just to get it straight. it's not your fault about having this self-esteem issue. How are you genuinely supposed to act when you know the girl you love began to act strange after meeting this so called friend in Texas. Then she tells you that she got married to him. The last time I checked, you were a human being. Yes, you could have handled things in a better manner, but you're human and don't forget that. I did the same exact thing with my ex because I knew she was talking to her ex of 5 years. He lived only ten minutes away from her, and I would have to go home for holidays and Summer. This all comes back to we are human. She lied about keeping contact with him, and it ended up with her cheating on me while she was with him. With your girl, she's in that same kind of mind frame: she loves him but she also loves you, but she knows him more than you and has more history with him. Plain out simple, she doesn't really know what she wants. But, again, don't beat yourself up; we do these things because we really love them, and when some ex comes into the equation, there's always going to be some sort of panic, guarantee that.

You deserve better than that though, and if she can't make up her mind, with all of this back and forth, then you'll find someone better who doesn't have issues in the fidelity area., trust me. I've been in that spot before, maybe not exactly, but very similar. Somewhere down the line you have to come back to reality, and know that by you letting her disrespect you like that, really shows how much you respect yourself. Don't let this keep happening. I know it'll hurt to move on, but if she can just leave and get back with him like that, especially after saying she loved you, then go right back to him and say he's better again, then it's time to move along. Sorry, but she's disrespected you so much; Don't let her walk all over you again. Let her know that she hurt you and that it's not okay, that she's going to have to live with the mistake of leaving someone like you. God bless you because things will get better. Keep your head up.

[jasn88cubs]

Your situation kind of sounds like mine in a way. She left me for her ex boyfriend, but no marriage happened. Just to get it straight. it's not your fault about having this self-esteem issue. How are you genuinely supposed to act when you know the girl you love began to act strange after meeting this so called friend in Texas. Then she tells you that she got married to him. The last time I checked, you were a human being. Yes, you could have handled things in a better manner, but you're human and don't forget that. I did the same exact thing with my ex because I knew she was talking to her ex of 5 years. He lived only ten minutes away from her, and I would have to go home for holidays and Summer. This all comes back to we are human. She lied about keeping contact with him, and it ended up with her cheating on me while she was with him. With your girl, she's in that same kind of mind frame: she loves him but she also loves you, but she knows him more than you and has more history with him. Plain out simple, she doesn't really know what she wants. But, again, don't beat yourself up; we do these things because we really love them, and when some ex comes into the equation, there's always going to be some sort of panic, guarantee that.

You deserve better than that though, and if she can't make up her mind, with all of this back and forth, then you'll find someone better who doesn't have issues in the fidelity area., trust me. I've been in that spot before, maybe not exactly, but very similar. Somewhere down the line you have to come back to reality, and know that by you letting her disrespect you like that, really shows how much you respect yourself. Don't let this keep happening. I know it'll hurt to move on, but if she can just leave and get back with him like that, especially after saying she loved you, then go right back to him and say he's better again, then it's time to move along. Sorry, but she's disrespected you so much; Don't let her walk all over you again. Let her know that she hurt you and that it's not okay, that she's going to have to live with the mistake of leaving someone like you. God bless you because things will get better. Keep your head up.

ill try not to let her get to me

i know she said i had been getting annoying and was tired of me always talking about it but who goes through a situation lke this!! lol i was just so confused

[Move_Along91]

Yeah, and she made it confusing. I know it's hard. Heck, I'm still recovering from my wounds, but you can move forward, but you have to get her out of your life. It won't work with her still in it because she hurt you and it will just be too painful. I've tried to maintain it with my ex, but it's impossible to be friends with someone you loved, especially if they hurt you terribly. You will find a better woman; and, once we genuinely know we will, it'll feel better, believe me. I'm still single, but I haven't given up hope. God bless.

[lissa]

I think you handled things fine. She's a skank, plain and simple. You're better off without her, even though it's hard to take the blow to your ego and deal with the pain of being cheated on and dumped like that. With time you'll get over it, but be sure to think of it in a realistic way - she's a bad person who disrespected you. Not all people are like this. Do whatever you can to not take the hurt from this betrayal into your next relationship.

Also, who cares what she thinks of you and whether she thinks you have enough confidence or not??? She did a really bad thing, and doesn't even have any regrets about it. She's the one who should feel bad about herself.

[Wakeup]

i didnt talk to her for like a week later afer i stopped contact with her she texted me saying she was gonna divorce him and she truly loved me and she made a mistake

we started dating again

THAT^^^^ is what you did wrong. You should have severed all ties to her after she told you she cheated on you and married the man she cheated with in Texas. Instead you lost all self-respect and you fell for her bullshit when she lied and told you she was gonna divorce him. If you wanted to keep a door open for her to come back into your life (ugh but your choice) then you should have told her "well call me when you're fully divorced and can show me the decree and if I'm still single I'll let you know if I'm still interested."

Learn from this so that you don't let some other skank treat you like she did ever again.
All is not a total loss as she has given you some valuable life lessons and hopefully has motivated you to hone your personal boundaries that you won't let anyone cross and you won't stoop to be with someone like her again. "Love" is never enough... you have to pick a good person whom you'll be able to trust won't skank out on you in the future." You'd never trust her not to pull that on you again if she actually went back to you.

[lissa]

Okay I stand corrected on my comment that you handled things "fine" ha. You made a big mistake there, but it's a mistake a lot of people have made (going back to an ex that's done them wrong) and like Wakeup said, the important part is learning that not respecting yourself in a relationship makes you feel like total crap and to never do it again.

[jasn88cubs]

thanks all..i tried my hardest and im shutting her out of my life


i cant let her confuse me and act like some annoying desperate guy

[Wakeup]

Wowzer! That's the third post I've read where the Oposter is displaying some pretty decent personal boundaries.

Congrats on your decision, Jasn88 on taking back your personal power from her. :claps: